I don't diary much. I rarely have anything original to add to what's already been diaried about current events, and I don't want to muddy things up by adding redundancy to already-active waves of discussion on any particular subject. Occasionally, though, I manage to post a comment that I later recognize as touching new aspects of a subject that I haven't really seen discussed around here, and I eventually decide to make that comment a diary. This is one of those diaries.
The current public relations consensus on GLB rights (I use only the first 3 initials because mainstream "gay rights" marketing tends to, when it even bothers doing so, sneak in trans rights behind the curtain, so to speak) is what I call the "Baby Seal Approach". It should be noted that even including the second and third initials in the non-acronym is misleading, because lesbian rights have a separate approach, while bisexual rights are, if possible, more invisible than transgender rights, being subsumed by the G and the L. You know the marketing approach I mean...gay guys are cute, harmless, sassy, fashionable, funnily bitchy human accessories for straight women, who are adorably vulnerable and must be protected while they pursue their completely heteronormative search for their lifelong love with whom to settle down and adopt pets and children.
I have to admit that the Baby Seal approach to GLB public relations irks me sometimes. I'm not a cute-in-a-way-that-makes-women-squee, gaybashing-victim-in-waiting-for-sympathy, funny-enough-to-put-straight-guys-at-ease, fashionable-enough-to-be-a-valuable-resource-to-my-female-friends, sassy-enough-to-be-great-entertainment, market-tested stereotype (a more positive stereotype than the old ones, but still). I'm a human being. I'm a man, not a boy. I can be funny, but I'm often more curmudgeonly, given that I turned 40 this year. I am NOT squee-cute. I have NO fashion sense (other than the most basic "I can't wear a t-shirt and sweatpants to a wedding" sense). I'm not good with people...I'm a social klutz and very shy in person. When I get "sassy", honey, it's likely to be more blistering than entertaining. I like sex, often with someone other than my partner (that's okay...so does he). I love him, but I'm not exclusive to him, in either love or sex.
In other words, it's complicated. Complicated doesn't play well with the average Joe(sephine), especially in areas where s/he either doesn't have a lot of experience or where the social group in question doesn't share the same values, largely. Thus the simplifications that it's not about sex, it's about love. Despite the fact that off-duty gay sex in base towns is about to skyrocket, now that soldiers/sailors/airmen/marines won't have to worry about being outed simply by their frequenting establishments like gay bars.
But I understand the need for marketing...even if it's not very accurate marketing, and even if quite often that marketing is going to be undermined by people like you and me (through no fault of ours, really...I despise the idea that "you have to stick to the story" or you're betraying your people or something). But I'm under no obligation to further that marketing, because I frankly think it's kind of counterproductive, given that nobody who isn't inclined toward that "exactly like straight people except for who we love" schtick is going to bother trying to promulgate it. The more we try to further the "just like you" line, the more the "gatekeepers", our own lobbyists, are going to ty to push the non-heteronormative aspects of GLB society to the background.
For instance, I always hear at least some of my fellow queers complaining about Pride parades and festivals. "Why do so many of us have to be so WEIRD? What will the straights think?" "I don't go to Pride...I'm post-gay. I don't identify with the weirdos in the leather and the wigs." To tell you the truth, if you're not fighting for them to have the same rights you, as a "straight-acting" gay man, have, then I'm highly disappointed in YOU. I love leathermen, although I'm not into leather. I love drag queens, even though I don't do drag. I love Dykes on Bikes and the Lesbian Avengers, though I'm not a lesbian. They're all part of gay culture, that amalgam of camp and drama (in the original sense) and fun and defiance and pride of self that emerged after WWII and led us to the place we are today. I love my transgender brothers and sisters, for having the kind of courage that allows them to be who they are in the face of the kind of hate and misunderstanding they face. They have their own issues and problems that don't overlap the GLB movement completely, but under the umbrella of "sexual minorities", we're all siblings, and we have to stick with Family.
So the Baby Seal Approach, which tries to sweep all of these things and people under the rug so we can beguile the straight world into accepting us, isn't universally loved on our own team. It's a legitimate tactic, I'll admit. But it isn't the panacea that modern marketers of gay rights, whether official lobbyists or sympathetic television and movie writers, think it is.