I made a personal choice here some time ago to blog under my own name. There are plenty of things about me that I consider private and don't post, but I do post videos of, among other things, some of the musical projects I do. And all that's fine. I put myself out there, and I expect that some people will like the music and others won't and that's all fine.
So to be clear: I am not a thin person. I am not what I consider to be particularly attractive. I am conscious of all this and generally okay with it. I get comments on youTube from time to time on my videos about my appearance, and some of them are mean. I've come to terms with this.
I'm not sure, however, that I know why it surprised me to hear someone here make this comment:
I LOVE you Julie. I've listened to your music 24/7. But I've seen the pics of you. Please lose some weight. There I said it.
Please don't yell at me. I am 5'4. I used to weight a 100 pounds more. It is something I deal with daily. I said what I said cause, well I hope maybe it will make you think. Maybe you will be with us many more years.
To be clear: I understand the intent behind this comment. It's not presented in anger or is it intended to be mean.
What it is, however, is cruel.
Some context: that was posted in a piece that I had written about being in the hospital with some sort of major issue related to fluid around my heart. I'm writing this piece from the hospital again, after having been released Wednesday and heading back to the E/R Friday morning with more fluid around my lung.
This is likely viral, but there is potential that it is related to a malignancy [that got ruled out in testing that came back after I started writing this. Yay!] or some bacterial infection or even a wide variety of other bizarre situations. I'm baffled. My doctors are baffled. I feel generally crappy but have moments of real clarity (such as this one right now).
What's pretty clear, however, is that it has nothing whatsoever to do with weight.
What is also clear is that I do need to lose weight and though I am working towards that it is almost impossible to do from a hospital room, and difficult to do given the combination of medications I am on.
What I think also should be clear (but, apparently, is not) is that given all the social stigma surrounding this issue and the gender dynamics involved, is that it's generally a very bad idea for men to lecture women about weight.
So yes, perhaps I'm oversensitive about this, and I didn't see myself as the sort of person who would ever write a "this really hurt my feelings" diary. But that's not quite what this is. This is more of a "this pissed the living crap out of me and days later I'm still pissed" piece.
But honestly, does anyone here think that I don't know that I need to work on weight? Does anyone here think that I'm not extremely conscious about my health issues and what does and does not help with respect to them?
And does anyone here see me as immature or incompetent enough that I actually need a lecture? Does anyone here see this woman who eats extremely healthy food (vegetarian and gluten free), almost never drinks alcohol (I've had a grand total of about five glasses of wine in the last three years), has never tried any form of tobacco in her life, walks 10,000+ steps a day, works out on a trampoline as needing a lecture from anyone?
So maybe I'm oversensitive. But maybe I'm just disgusted, flabbergasted and a little incensed.
5:15 PM PT: Thanks everyone for your kind comments. This is one of the few times I was actually nervous posting a piece, especially since the original comment came from someone fairly prominent and well-liked. I appreciate everything that's been said and enjoy the discussion.