aka Great and Desperate Cures and their consequences
It took some work and planning, our man had a tendency to say stupid things, but we used our five advantages: the dismal economy, the discredited government, the simplicity of the tea party message, our strong energy pitch, and our secret weapon, nurse Anita Perry.
Unemployment was a serious problem. Nobody was willing to spend real money to create jobs here in America, but at least Rick said the right things about infrastructure. The government was consistently clumsy and Democratic leaders like Reid, Schumer and Pelosi inspired no confidence – we just shouted job killer and they backed down, every time. Americans could respect and fear Rick, but not the Democratic four backdown specialists.
Now, we know that some tea party zealots can be ridiculous, but their mantra was easy to understand, unlike the Obama-Pelosi mantra. The Tea Party groups wrapped themselves in the flag of "Liberty and Freedom – Don’t Tread on me" which tapped into images and language with powerful historical roots. They wanted to roll back Government, they claimed that this would free the people.
So how did genial ole Rick tap into that mother lode?
Well, Americans were understandably worried about energy supplies, supporting the Saudis and other Arab dictators – they were primed and ready for Rick’s American energy independence pitch. This was simple and easily understood: there’s a lot of oil and gas in North America, including newly discovered shale oil and gas. We talked up a North Dakota-Texas axis; if we add Brazil and Venezuela, our reserves dwarf OPEC’s. That’s a fact, and we made sure that Rick remembered to talk pro-Canada, pro-Mexico and pro-Brazilian. Venezuela can wait until Chavez is gone. No, we didn’t threaten regime change, but our troops would be much better received in South America, where there are no suicide bombers, than in the Middle East. Now, of course, the energy independence message is centered on Houston, Texas and the oil and gas people opened their wallets wide.
Anyone can see that Rick is genial and his secret weapon, his wife Anita, even more so. Anita is a nurse; she can talk about healthcare in ways that leave Tin Man Romney in the dust. She wasn’t eager for political speech making, but when we told her that Rick was too far in to pull out and that he might not even get the nomination, she showed her inner power and suited up for the campaign trail. We noticed that every time Rick’s poll numbers dropped, after his many gaffes, Romney’s numbers stayed put. Romney lacks human appeal and his policies were too similar to those of Clinton and Obama. The tea baggers denounced Governor Christie as too liberal; Rick didn’t even have to go there. It was easy - we needed the oilmen, they didn’t want to support the loonies and we just ignored Ron Paul. The choice was the Tin Man or the energy savior. Of course Rick dropped hints that he might be able to lower gas prices.
The general public was frustrated with the way both parties pushed corporate interests, but they lapped up the energy independence message and Rick’s emphasis on 'helping’ the Mexican government to control its narco monsters just across the border. Americans were mostly angry; they elected a Republican president and congress. That was temporary; we can’t fool all the people all the time, even with our cooperative media. We knew that the next election cycle would force us out. Then when one of our secret drones killed some Mexican children by mistake only 6 months after the election, it was time to fish or cut bait. Yes, we said, there is a crisis and it’s time to stand up for traditional American values. Presidents Bush (both of them), Clinton and Obama supported our Mexican tough love policy. Only Jimmy Carter, the ACLU and a few members of the Black Congressional Congress dared to speak out. And you know what happened to them, with the help of a Reichstag Capitol fire…
The Committee