Awesome Jon Stewart bit last night just tearing into Herman Cain for his ludicrous bullshit about the Wall Street protesters all being part of an Obama conspiracy, while ADMITTING, "I don't have facts to back this up". So Jon Stewart has created a new hashtag for y'all to use on Twitter. :-)
But Herman Cain isn't all ice cream and zazz, he's got substance. Like, he's taken on the ongoing Wall Street protests.
10/5/2011:
ALAN MURRAY: I don't know what they want, but I think they think that the banks have given them a raw deal over the last few years.
HERMAN CAIN: I don't have facts to back this up....
Let me stop you right there! Herman Cain, that is adorable! "I don't have facts to back this...." You still expect the media to demand you back your claims up with facts?? When you've done this a little bit longer, you'll realize they don't give a shit! That reporter's not listening to you. He's just admiring his paying-attention face in the monitor behind you.
....
You know, I'll tell ya, give us another scoop of that non-factual black walnut protest analysis.
HERMAN CAIN (10/5/2011): Don't blame Wall Street. Don't blame the big banks. If you don't have a job, and you're not rich, blame yourself! ... It is not a person's fault because they succeeded, it is a person's fault if they failed.
Huh, that's interesting. So people should not scapegoat anybody just because they didn't attain the American dream.
HERMAN CAIN (10/14/2010): The American dream is under attack because our government has been hijacked by the liberals in Washington, D.C.!
Wait, I thought you blame yourself, and not... oh, so it's not... you don't blame.... (wild audience applause) You don't blame big business, you blame yourself, and liberals.
You know, I don't have facts to back this up, the minimum wage is a Stalinist plot to bring down pizza chains. And Activia yogurt is filled with tiny ghosts whose purpose is to scare the poop out of you.
Video and transcript below the fold.
But you know, every time God closes a door, he opens a window. Palin's demise is manna to Herman Cain. Backed by soaring poll numbers, he's launched an interview offensive, appearing everywhere from late night to Sunday morning to... whatever this is.
DICK MORRIS (10/5/2011): Hi. Well, you know, I've been trying to get Mitt Romney and Perry to come and do a video with me, and so far they haven't accepted. And I wanted to get a first-tier candidate, so we had to make our own, Herman Cain.
(both Dick Morris and Herman Cain laugh)
You guys better hurry up the interview, because I'm pretty sure that that La Quinta suite is booked for a porn shoot in about a few....
The secret to Cain's success? Branding and charm.
HERMAN CAIN (9/30/2011): There's ice milk, and there's Häagen-Dazs black walnut.
HERMAN CAIN (10/4/2011): Black walnut isn't a flavor of the week. ... You still see black walnut moving up the charts. ... I could eat black walnut all the time, it's not a flavor of the week!
9/30/2011:
JAY LENO: Black walnut is it?
HERMAN CAIN: I'm the black walnut!
He's very likeable. Don't you think Black Walnut would've been the best '70s blaxploitation movie ever?
Rudy Ray Moore is Black Walnut, the black private dick whose shell is really thick. George Kennedy is his arch-nemesis, Honky Pistachio. And Pam Grier is... the hottest woman ever in the world.
But Herman Cain isn't all ice cream and zazz, he's got substance. Like, he's taken on the ongoing Wall Street protests.
10/5/2011:
ALAN MURRAY: I don't know what they want, but I think they think that the banks have given them a raw deal over the last few years.
HERMAN CAIN: I don't have facts to back this up....
Let me stop you right there! Herman Cain, that is adorable! "I don't have facts to back this...." You still expect the media to demand you back your claims up with facts?? When you've done this a little bit longer, you'll realize they don't give a shit! That reporter's not listening to you. He's just admiring his paying-attention face in the monitor behind you.
Anyway, you were saying about no facts?
HERMAN CAIN (10/5/2011): I don't have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration.
That's all you got? Hey man, if you don't have facts to back it up, why don't you put it more out there? Like, I don't have facts to back this up, but I think the President is a spy from an alternate universe where dinosaurs never went extinct, and people are kept as pets.
You know, I'll tell ya, give us another scoop of that non-factual black walnut protest analysis.
HERMAN CAIN (10/5/2011): Don't blame Wall Street. Don't blame the big banks. If you don't have a job, and you're not rich, blame yourself! ... It is not a person's fault because they succeeded, it is a person's fault if they failed.
Huh, that's interesting. So people should not scapegoat anybody just because they didn't attain the American dream.
HERMAN CAIN (10/14/2010): The American dream is under attack because our government has been hijacked by the liberals in Washington, D.C.!
Wait, I thought you blame yourself, and not... oh, so it's not... you don't blame.... (wild audience applause) You don't blame big business, you blame yourself, and liberals.
You know, I don't have facts to back this up, the minimum wage is a Stalinist plot to bring down pizza chains. And Activia yogurt is filled with tiny ghosts whose purpose is to scare the poop out of you.
And besides, the statute of limitations on corporate corruption has expired.
10/5/2011:
ALAN MURRAY: You don't think the banks have anything to do with the crisis that we went into in 2008?
HERMAN CAIN: They did have something to do with the crisis that we went into in 2008. But we're not in 2008, we're in 2011!
It was three years ago! If we were bees, we'd already be dead and our great-grandchildren would be in charge! You think bees worry about what happened three generations ago? They're too busy making honey and communicating through dance!
You know, I don't have facts to back this up, but John Boehner cries a lot because his nose is an onion.
We'll be right back.
Jon also had a great segment exposing Sarah Palin as nothing more than a grifter. So did Stephen.
Sam Bee went to
cover how some of the shops in New York near where the protesters are are NOT happy, with protesters using their bathrooms without buying anything, and even not flushing (dude, that's just rude!!) and causing property damage by breaking a sink. So anyone out there protesting, tell the others not to treat the shop owners like dirt. They're part of the 99% as well. Causing property damage only hurts them as well.
Stephen also has an
update about his
last week's segment on Karl Rove's secretive 501(c)4 group. Rove's lawyers actually wrote to Stephen's lawyer Trevor Potter, and demanded their letter not be copied. So Stephen read it aloud on the air. :-) Looks like Rove's not happy with Stephen drawing attention to his groups, and showing how the rules basically allow for money laundering, NOT that Stephen directly accused Rove of doing it himself.
Jon and
Stephen also both paid tribute to Steve Jobs.