(A slightly-altered version of this piece previously appeared on the author's blog at www.bangthebuckets.com)
I have often claimed, since February, that the Republican-dominated Wisconsin Legislature is opposed to Public Education as it currently exists in the state. I have lamented that Education was a main target of Wisconsin Act 10 (The Union-Busting Bill). And I will admit, when I heard the news today, I thought for certain that the Wisconsin Legislature was at it again.
This week, Republican lawmakers introduced a bill designed to boost outdoor sports like hunting, fishing, and trapping. Let me say very clearly: I am fine with the idea of boosting outdoor sports such as hunting, fishing, and trapping. I think that's a good idea. Where my outrage-meter went off was when I heard that part of the plan to boost outdoor sports was to have high schools offer hunter safety courses for credit.
I have no problem with hunter safety classes, in the same way I have no problem with hunters, in the same way that I have no problem with the right of a United States citizen to keep and bear arms as protected by the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. People should be allowed to own guns, they should be free to hunt, and if they hunt, I would like them to be safe.
But to make this an acceptable part of Wisconsin public school curriculum struck me as ridiculous. Most of these same Republican legislators voted to gut education funding by $800 million -- you know, making it harder to teach things like math and science, or English and Civics -- and now it is planning to have high schools offer hunter safety classes for credit?
Will the Legislature be boosting education funding to pay for someone to teach these classes, or will I have an average class size over 30 so another faculty member has room to teach this class? Will the school be storing the guns and ammunition on the premises? You get the idea -- my outrage at how ludicrous this was only grew as I thought about it. I was ready to use my prep to blog about it then and there, except I don't blog on the school's computers or on the taxpayer's dime.
I'm glad I took the time to calm down, frankly. I'm glad I had a chance to think about it more, because when I did, I realized that the Republican legislature might actually have a point. I hate to say it. I do. I have felt as though the Republicans in Wisconsin politics have had it in for me personally for several months now, and it was hard for me to realize that they may, in fact, be right, and for a couple a reasons.
The first reason they may be right I found while surfing the Internet, which I often do when preparing to write a blog piece. While I surfed, I came across this, which made me think of hunting in a whole new light. We should definitely boost hunting -- not only in Wisconsin but throughout America -- for one simple reason: National Defense.
You may not think about us this way due to Lake Superior, but Wisconsin is a border state. To our north lies the vast and hostile nation of Canada. They're up there right now, looking down on us Wisconsinites (both geographically and condescendingly) for all those years when we told them that as far as we were concerned, Canadian Bacon is just ham. (It isn't, by the way.)
Some day -- maybe some day soon -- they just might snap, and if they do, invasion is not out of the question. To know that Wisconsin has a half-million or more individuals who could take to the woods and repel the Canadian Mounted Horde if need be will help me sleep better at night, and I thank hunters for it.
The second, and main, reason while I think that perhaps the Republicans have a point is more simple, and more profound: It is not only my job to teach the youth of this great state about history and philosophy and politics. It is also my job to educate them about life in general, and life in Wisconsin in particular.
Hunting is a big part of life in Wisconsin. And I think it is a good part of life. If you think about it, hunting does more than control the deer population in the state. It also helps feed families. It gives young people a chance to learn from and bond with their parents. It gets young people outdoors and active. It teaches young people to respect the immense power of a firearm and to handle one properly. It helps develop in young people an appreciation for the natural beauty of our great state. It boosts local economies, not only of sporting goods stores, but also of local restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores, and so on.
These are not bad things. And these are Wisconsin things. In fact, the more that I thought about this bill and its potential impact on Wisconsin Education, the more I found that I had been completely wrong about my initial assessment. The fact is, Wisconsin schools could be doing even more to prepare young people for life in our state. There are certain skills necessary to live here, and it's time that Public Education did its part. I am hopeful that in the years to come we will begin offering other real-life Wisconsin classes. If I may, allow me to suggest:
Tailgating. This is not only something we could teach the youth of Wisconsin. I recommend outreach programs for Minnesota, Illinois, and Michigan, and anyone else who comes to sporting events in Wisconsin. There is real skill to this. When it goes bad, everyone knows it. Some people are just not educationally prepared to grill using an open flame in a crowded parking lot. They can't time their alcohol consumption, and end up passed out before the game starts, or out of beer and wandering around the parking lot looking for a handout. They forget to dress in layers. They don't bring any supplies for pickup football or frisbee games. We can fix this, and we should.
"Jump Around" and "Build Me Up, Buttercup." The Wisconsin Badgers played Nebraska recently, and things on camera looked great. The antics of the crowd at Camp Randall awed even the announcers of the game. But you know that there were freshmen there who didn't have a clue what to do when the time came. Part of our job is to prepare young people for college, and this is a good place to start.
General Alcohol Consumption. Again, this is college prep. Our very own University of Wisconsin routinely makes one or another Top Ten list of Best Party Schools. Even outside of that campus, there are a number of other fine schools in Wisconsin, and beer consumption is a huge part of that experience. This is not merely instruction in the finer points of Beer Pong and Keg Stands (though of course those would be included in the curriculum); it's also a matter of economics. Students will be taught to appreciate the Buzz Possibility Frontiers of various brands and the Opportunity Costs involved in choosing Heineken over Natty Light. Entire class periods could be devoted to obtaining fake ID's or making jello shots. The Phy Ed department could develop a workout regimen designed solely to increase one's tolerance.
Cuisine. This is where the Family Sciences come in handy. Bratwurst and cheese are really all we need, but even they can get boring after a time. Finding ways to keep the menu fresh will really come in handy for our students later in life. (They can start with this recipe for Creamy Bratwurst Stew, and move on from there.)
As you can imagine, we're barely getting started. We haven't covered Ice Fishing, or How to Drive Like You're from Illinois, or a host of other topics that our future Wisconsin citizens will need to know. With a little more tweaking and a lot more budget cuts, Republicans in this state should be able to realize their educational dreams of creating citizens just smart enough to function at the low-paying part-time jobs that their administration hopes to create, but just dumb enough to fail to recognize that they're getting screwed.