I see the photos and understand. I understand the 99%. The despair, the loss of hope, the questioning and the frustration. I also see hope, I see energy and I see power in the people gathering to want change, to want to say that WE will not go unheard. Our voices matter.
Then I see the 53% and I am in awe and not in a good way. Because they've been duped. They've bought into the myth that if you work hard enough, you too will be rich someday. The martyrdom I see, the one-up-manship I see in people on how hard I can work and prove how tough I am, how angry I am, not at my Government, or those who don't pay me enough or etc. But how I am willing to work myself to death to just get far enough to make it, barely.
Is barely making it what we want for ourselves, for our children? Working our asses off and not knowing if we will have healthcare? Working two jobs and not knowing if we can afford to put our kids in College? Working ourselves sick and not knowing if we will have retirement?
I've been there, working full time, struggling to pay bills, keep myself healthy and thinking, is this is what my life means?
We have become so numb to each other and so unfulfilled that we think we can find meaning in things, in stuff and in the accumulation of wealth? Is that meaning?
Of course it is not and it shouldn't be.
But I see the 53% and I wonder if they understand that demanding a better life for ourselves and our children is not "whining", it's about knowing that we deserve better for ourselves. And just because you are willing to "suck it up" doesn't mean that others are willing to spend their lives clawing their way to barely more than minimum wage.
And by the way, with those who say, I am not whining, stop complaining, then why are you writing out all your woes on a piece of paper and putting your photo on a website for all to see?
Working yourself to death to put your kids through college and barely make ends meet is nothing to brag about, it merely shows how far our society has fallen and how our priorities as a Country have gone to shit.
And I find myself torn. I want so much to support the occupation everywhere and yet I feel that I cannot speak for it and cannot help, because as I get emails from Moveon.org, DFA and Think Progress, I wonder, where is this all going? Is this to raise money for these organizations or is it to really help what this is all about, changing how we do things for the long term?
I want substantial change that means we do things differently for a long time to come so that my daughter doesn't have to worry about being the 99%, that she can make a life that is satisfying and good and not have to work three jobs to make ends meet, but is that possible anymore?
Where do I go from here? And how do I take what I have and help this movement without getting in the way?
I feel lost and I feel wrong at times with this because at this time, I feel outside of everything, not quite at home with the Democratic Party and yet at the same time I am not feeling quite rebellious enough, (I don't quite fit in with a third party movement because I am not close to abandoning the party). I am just a parent with chronic health issues who works part time and is trying to stay sane. The chronic pain gets to me at times, as it has been worse than usual (I would love to be able to lift my damn arms over my head today). We can pay our mortgage and our bills but have little left over to do more than merely maintain our home.
I am tired of barely making it. I am tired of scraping by and I can't imagine just how tired how many millions others are who are doing so much worse than my family is and how tired they are.
I get home from work and can barely keep my eyes open and well, then what, homework, meetings, blogging, etc? Sometimes I don't even have the energy to get angry and yet I have so many things to do, to fix and to take care of, don't we all?
And I then I read this ending and thought, boy, I sound apathetic, that is not the case.
I will be attending Occupy Orange County in Irvine, California on Saturday, somehow working around my daughter's soccer game. I will be there, I will be live blogging and I will support this in the way I know how, I will show up.