TSA is keeping you safe again, this time from Funicula of Death, in particular the
historic 296 foot long Felenon Place Elevator in Dubuque, Iowa. From the linked LA Times article (11/5/11):
... the Transportation Security Administration came calling. Four inspectors arrived in black vehicles to seek out security threats.
"They were so surprised when I showed up on their list," she said, but "if it's on their list, they have to inspect it."
According to TSA's own website, this is called "advancing the security baseline". (You may have other words for it). This is part of something TSA calls "Baseline Assessment for Security Enhancement" (BASE, get it?). From an article on gsnmagazine.com (2/17/11):
the BASE reviews, which will occur at agencies that provide bus, rail transit, long-distance rail and other less common forms of transportation (such as cable cars, inclined railways, funiculars and automated guideway systems), will gather data about the effectiveness of current federal government security initiatives.
In other news, Senator Chuck Schumer (D-Shameless Publicity Hound), who in May 2011, called for Amtrak to implement a "do not ride" list, released a new statement:
Anyone, even a member of al-Qaida could purchase a funicular ticket and board the Felenon Place Elevator in Dubuque, Iowa without so much as a question asked. So that’s why I’m calling for the creation of a no riding on the funicular list. That would take the secure flight program and apply it to the nation's finuculars.
In other news, TSA will be investigate this terrorist trio for excessive interest in funiculi and funicula:
Whatever you do, don't sing along with the new Al-Qaeda rallying song:
Aieressera, oì Nanninè, me ne sagliette,
tu saie addò tu saie addò
Addò 'stu core 'ngrato cchiù dispietto
Farme nun pò!
Addò lo fuoco coce, ma si fuie
te lassa sta!
E nun te corre appriesso, nun te struie
sulo a guardà.
Jamme, jamme 'ncoppa, jamme jà,
funiculì, funiculà!