Lt. John Pike, infamous as the walk-by sprayer of UC Davis, is now officially declared an Internet Meme. I first noticed some clever Photoshopping of Officer Friendly sharing his aerosol offering two days ago on Facebook. Interesting, I thought, and said to myself, "Now that is clever!" Then I saw another. And another. And another.
Checking out Know Your Meme, I now appreciate that Captain Casual's brutalist actions will continue to live on forever as he sprays his way through the virtual world, burning the lungs and throats of baby seals, seditious smurfs, post-impressionist pointillists, and dismayed Disney darlings.
The following are curated and downloaded for your viewing pleasure. Remember, the virtual is also real - so if these pixels sting, look away and run for some milk!
We will begin with the set piece. You've all seen it. Lt Pike holds aloft the jumbo cannister of "eye-caramba," announces to the world that he's the big man on campus, and does a nice little stroll down memory pain as he sprays like a horny tomcat. After a sweet little pirouette, he comes back again and lets 'er rip:
Taking the spray to the Founding Fathers, Sgt Pepper seeks information about legitimate violence allowable by law. But it is not the Declaration you want, it is the Constitution!
Our Capsaicin Cowboy moves out to the park. It is sunny outside, a really nice day. But who knows what those young women - students perhaps - are hiding under their bustles. The one with the umbrella looks like a tent! She's next: No Tents Allowed!!
From Central Park to South Park, that Eric Cartman is a smart ass and non-compliant. He was asked to move, and just stood there looking stupid. He's a mouthy little bastard, and gets a drench.
The Glorious Golden Gopher Glen Beck witnessed this outrage, and cries for all of humanity and cartoonity:
And speaking of True Blue American, Peppercorn Pike is the guest of honor at The Rockwells. He's adding some zest, but is just about to step into the cranberry sauce. Now that is a crime in search of punishment!
Outside on the front lawn is some doufus holding his boombox aloft and making a racket, disturbing holiday dinner of that nice family. The Peppercorn Police were called, and arrived just in time before Lloyd Dobbler interrupted the dinner gobbler. Damn that song, what is it... oh yeah, "In Your Eyes!"
Back in cartoonland, no one is safe. Thumper and the gang will not move off of that log. They were asked nicely, not once, but twice! The log belongs to all creatures not just those smelly skunks who layabout all day and try to occupy it. The mice are the first hit: they pose a clear and present danger. Mr. Owl of the Media thinks he has a privileged seat in the house. He is just about to get it, the wise guy!
The animals send out a call. What is this about OIF? "Occupy Ice Flows?" In this warming climate? We'll see what can be done about that! Our Corrosive Captain knows the law. This seal will not move!
Meanwhile, tiny Italian Anarchists seem to run the Underworld. They are hard to catch, but a good blast should subdue the dudes. Level Up, Lt. Peppercorn! You're gonna need to grab some power down there because things are going to get a lot tougher!
What did I tell you! This stuff is caustic. It is a chemical weapon! It burns! It puts people in the hospital! What are you doing?
We cry for you, Lt. Pike.
We beg you to see us as people...
You have abused the trust the public put in you. You are trapped in the box of your own making. There is no way out except the admission of guilt, the rending of garments, the beseeching of forgiveness.
And then, and only then, perhaps peace can come.
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(mine the meme)