ABC News is reporting that the most sued and investigated Sheriff in the nation, Joe Arpaio, is about to endorse Texas Governor Rick Perry in the Republican primary.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the sheriff of Maricopa County, Ariz., who calls himself “America’s Toughest Sheriff,” will endorse Texas Gov. Rick Perry next week, a source with knowledge of the endorsement told ABC News.
Man, how desperate do you have to be to seek and embrace the endorsement of a corrupt, bigoted, ineffective blowhard? A jerk whose entire senior staff was fired for cronyism, illegal campaign schemes, financial mismanagement, and all kinds of other nasty shit. A pinhead who's the subject of two ongoing federal probes for abuse of powers. An arrogant dickwad who has cost taxpayers more than $50 million in lawsuits -- some filed by the families of inmates who were tortured or killed while in the Sheriff's custody. Yep, that's an endorsement I'd be standing in line for.
But you can see why Perry might, and I don't doubt Arpaio's nod will give him a temporary bump among goobers. Ever since Perry introduced a smidgen of empathy into GOP Land with his "you don't have a heart" immigration blunder, he's been apologizing for being so damned caring. The debate audiences have made it crystal clear that you won't win the Republican primary by demonstrating compassion. Of all the candidates, Perry should know that, governing in a state where you won't keep the executive seat by not executing people.
So with Arpaio's endorsement, Rick Perry can say very loudly to wingers, "See, I'm as fucking crazy as Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Why else would he back me?" I'll shut down the Mexican border in a year! Shit, I'll build a 300-foot-high, 50-foot-thick electrified border barricade made out of razor blades and ground glass, with a half-mile-wide, snake-filled moat on each side. And I was only joking about helping anchor babies. You didn't think I was serious, did you? If the parents didn't come here legally, we should keep their children dumb and unemployable. That's my plan for moving America forward into the 21st century.
Adios, Rick. We can understand why you might seek Arpaio's blessing, just as Bachmann, Romney, and Cain have. The Sheriff's public relations department makes sure we know about these visits. "See, I really am important." But Rick, you might've checked into Arpaio's track record when it comes to endorsing candidates.
See that little orange turd below, Governor? That's what you just laid. Follow me over it to find out why.
On November 8, voters in Mesa's District 18 recalled GOP Senator Russell Pearce, who had never lost in six previous races. Sheriff Arpaio not only endorsed Pearce, who at the time was President of the Senate, he campaigned alongside him. The Sheriff spoke at rallies and sent email blasts warning us that if his pal Russ wasn't returned to the legislature, the future of Arizona was in doubt. Maybe the world. Pearce and Arpaio go way back; they didn't just meet up for the SB 1070 tango. Before jumping into politics in 2000, for many years Pearce was one of Arpaio's senior deputies. He's actually the guy who designed Tent City. So how did the Senator do with the very important Sheriff's endorsement? It wasn't even close. A novice candidate who never ran for political office clobbered Pearce by 12 points. Arpaio is using Pearce's ouster as a fundraising scheme, whining that the emboldened "liberal agitators" are coming after him!
Last year Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas decided to run for Attorney General. Like Pearce, Thomas was part of the team helping Sheriff Arpaio build his police state. When Arpaio required legal cover to conduct his immigration sweeps through neighborhoods and businesses, he turned to Andy Thomas, who deemed them constitutional. When the Sheriff needed a political enemy removed from the scene, like, say, County Supervisor Don Stapley, he once again turned to Dandy Andy, who indicted them on some flim-flam charge. In the AG Republican primary Thomas faced off against Tom Horne, the state school superintendent, and Arpaio endorsed his County Attorney pal in TV ads and elsewhere. Horne beat Thomas and went on to win the AG race against Democrat Felecia Rotellini. Today Andrew Thomas is in court, fighting to save his lawyering license after the Bar Association filed a shitload of ethics charges against him -- mostly for the groundless and vindictive lawsuits he and Arpaio filed against their opponents. Joe Arpaio helps another man's career.
In 2008, the Sheriff, natürlich, endorsed John McCain for President. In years past, the straight talking Senator wasn't a fan of the Sheriff's outrageous tactics, just as there was a time McCain called Jerry Falwell and other religious pieholes "agents of intolerance." Still, in the race against Obama the Senator gratefully accepted Arpaio's endorsement, and you know how that turned out. Flash forward two years and Arpaio could be found endorsing former Congressman and Foghorn Leghorn stand-in J.D. Hayworth in the Republican primary for McCain's Senate seat. It seems McCain, who once voiced support for immigration reform, wasn't quite crazy or hateful enough for Joe. To fend off tea baggers and Arpaio's frothing fan base, Senator McCain moved hard to the right. He spoke eloquently about building a "dang fence," when he previously dismissed the idea, and once again the Sheriff's endorsement mattered not a lick.
Also in 2010, Arpaio supported another rabid Mexican hater and fence lover, Steve Poizner, in the California Governor's GOP primary, which Poizner lost 2:1 to Meg Whitman. When Whitman took on Jerry Brown in the general election, Arpaio endorsed truther Chelene Nightingale. Yeah, that worked out.
And it's not just major races, I don't know if Arpaio could get a dog catcher elected. Last year he endorsed several sheriffs and they all lost. When Bill Hunt was running for Orange County Sheriff he recruited the looniest of the looney for his rallies, including Arpaio. Hunt received 28 percent of the vote. For San Diego County Sheriff, Arpaio helped Jay LaSuer raise cash and he appeared with him at rallies. LaSuer even featured a big autographed photo of Arpaio on his campaign website. Jay LaSuer received 22 percent of the vote.
See a trend here, Governor Perry? Now, if we can only get Arpaio to endorse himself in next year's election.