Stephen Colbert had a great piece blasting that deceptive Mitt Romney ad that completely took Obama out of context.
Busted! If he keeps talking about the economy, Obama's going to lose. Of course, the Democrats are claiming that Obama's "not talk about the economy" quote from 2008 was taken out of context, on the technicality that it was. Here's the original.
BARACK OBAMA (10/16/2008): Senator McCain's campaign actually said, and I quote, "If we keep talking about the economy, we're going to lose."
(audience boos)
Now sure, hold on, hold on. That may look like an unfair edit by Romney, but later, I will edit this so that it doesn't. And folks, I am happy to say that the author of No Apology, Mitt Romney, is not going to apology. He explained this out of context edit in one sentence.
MITT ROMNEY (11/23/2011): What's sauce for the goose is now sauce for the gander.
Yes. Sauce for the goose is now sauce for the gander. And it does not matter if the gander that the goose is talking about was quoting an old duck.
The point is... the point is those words came out of Obama's face. Now they're his words. I mean, just like some of my most famous quotes.
STEPHEN T. COLBERT: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."
....
I own all those words! Folks, I own those words now just as surely as I own all the words in my new audiobook, No Apology by Stephen Colbert.
By the way, what was royalties for the goose are now going to be royalties for the gander.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
I don't just pass judgment. I lean on the horn and flip it the bird. This is Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. First up, folks, this year Thanksgiving was ruined. And this time, it wasn't because of that horrible thing your grandmother said in front of your Korean girlfriend. No, this year Thanksgiving was ruined because in his Thanksgiving Day Internet address, Barack Obama did not thank God. Come on! It is Thanksgiving! Who does he thinks we're thanks-ing? Other than Dr. Heimlich.
That's why tonight I am giving a wag of my gravy-stained finger to President Obama. Sir, have you forgotten the first Thanksgiving, when the Pilgrims and the Indians and the Jesus sat down together? And the Lord did turn the maize into corn. And lo, he gaveth the Indians smallpox for not believing in Him. And so I am calling on the President to recognize Thanksgiving as a religious holiday, commemorating the miracle of when Jesus rose from the couch for yet another slice of pie.
Of course, this year the thing I'm most thankful for is Mitt Romney, who gets a tip of my hat for his new ad, which nails Barack Obama, using Obama's own words.
BARACK OBAMA IN MITT ROMNEY AD: Thank you New Hampshire! How's everybody doing today? I am confident that we can steer ourselves out of this crisis. Who's been in charge of the economy? We need a rescue plan for the middle class. We need to provide relief for homeowners. It's going to take a new direction. If we keep talking about the economy, we're going to lose.
Busted! If he keeps talking about the economy, Obama's going to lose. Of course, the Democrats are claiming that Obama's "not talk about the economy" quote from 2008 was taken out of context, on the technicality that it was. Here's the original.
BARACK OBAMA (10/16/2008): Senator McCain's campaign actually said, and I quote, "If we keep talking about the economy, we're going to lose."
(audience boos)
Now sure, hold on, hold on. That may look like an unfair edit by Romney, but later, I will edit this so that it doesn't. And folks, I am happy to say that the author of No Apology, Mitt Romney, is not going to apology. He explained this out of context edit in one sentence.
MITT ROMNEY (11/23/2011): What's sauce for the goose is now sauce for the gander.
Yes. Sauce for the goose is now sauce for the gander. And it does not matter if the gander that the goose is talking about was quoting an old duck.
The point is... the point is those words came out of Obama's face. Now they're his words. I mean, just like some of my most famous quotes.
STEPHEN T. COLBERT: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."
Now mine.
STEPHEN T. COLBERT: "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
I own it!
STEPHEN T. COLBERT: "I don't think you're ready for this jelly... My body's too bootylicious for you, babe."
(wild audience cheering)
I own all those words! Folks, I own those words now just as surely as I own all the words in my new audiobook, No Apology by Stephen Colbert.
By the way, what was royalties for the goose are now going to be royalties for the gander.
And finally folks, you know I've never been a fan of yoga. If I wanted to spend all day on the ground, sweating in a contorted position, I would eat another gas station hot dog. But worse, folks, worse, yoga's always been the exercise choice for liberals. But tonight I'm happy to say there is one conservative yogic mind out there I can get behind.
That's why I'm giving a big tip of my hat to yoga clothing store Lululemon, which is now offering shopping bags with the quote, "Who Is John Galt?", a catchphrase from the Ayn Rand novel Atlas Shrugged, which celebrates the pursuit of rational self-interest, free market domination, and staunch opposition to big government's misguided desire to aid the hopelessly parasitic masses. You know, yoga.
And tying yoga with rational egoism makes perfect sense. I mean, who can forget Ayn Rand's best-selling workout video, Sweatin' Away the Empathy?
Nation, with Lululemon's endorsement, it won't be long before Ayn Rand's philosophy makes its way into yoga classes across the country, and we start seeing new poses like Looking Downward on Others Doug,
Government Deregulating Cobra, and
Bend Over and Take It from the Rich.
We'll be right back.
Stephen then also covered the violence that hit on Black Friday.
Stephen also looked at how
CNN has outsourced a lot of its reporting to unpaid iReporters. He then talked with
Dr. Siddhartha Mukherjee about the science of cancer.
Meanwhile, Jon Stewart also looked at how Obama didn't say "God" in his Thanksgiving address, but focused his ire on how Fox News went hog-wild with the story.
He then showed the prevalence of
pepper spray, with the UC Davis cop, and then that stupid Walmart shopper who sprayed other people just so she could get in line faster.