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Since Newt Gingrinch calls to drug test all recipients of any kind of federal aid before they receive the assistance, I call to drug test Newt.

Newt Gingrich is once again demonstrating the level of compassion that led to the Capitol Steps calling him the Gingrinch back in his Speaker of the House days and joking that his heart was three sizes too small. He has followed up his call to repeal child labor laws and have kids put in full days of work (instead of school?)  by calling to drug test anyone seeking any kind of federal assistance, such as welfare, unemployment, and presumably even things like college loans.

The Supreme Court has upheld the ability of the government to perform suspicionless drug testing in a narrow number of areas, such as "high-risk public safety environments" and public schools (much to my disgust), but drug testing every person receiving any kind of federal assistance is not going to fly, even with this Supreme Court.

Drug testing is a humiliating process. A monitor is at the stall, either watching or at least listening for the sounds of normal urination. You hand the specimen to the monitor who checks it to make sure it is a fresh sample. In the school context, it's even worse-the monitor is a teacher, someone that the student might encounter on a daily basis in the classroom environment. Hardly the same as giving a random tech at a doctor's office a urine sample.

Newt can't be forced to give a sample for drug testing as a prerequisite to running for office, despite that as President, he'd be Commander-in-Chief of a military that requires a drug test of every active duty member at least once a year and he'd be in charge of the Bomb. In the 1997 case of Chandler v. Miller, the Supreme Court held that Georgia's "requirement that candidates for state office pass a drug test...d[id] not fit within the close guarded category of constitutionally permissible suspicions searches," a holding that would almost certainly also apply to candidates for federal office.

Fortunately, we can still all tell Newt, "You first." The Supreme Court's protection doesn't stop Newt from voluntarily getting drug tested. It would make great live television, Newt. Maybe Geraldo or Brian Williams could serve as your monitor.

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