'You've been so kind and generous
I don't know why you keep on giving
For your kindness I'm in debt to you
For your selflessness--my admiration
For everything you've done
You know I'm bound--I'm bound to thank you for it.'-Natalie Merchant
This song has been floating in my head since late last night. I'm just so gratefully stunned...but one special thank you must be said before I travel down below the orange filagree: to the anonymous donor of my lifetime subscription. You wrote, 'Glad you de-lurked. Keep writing.' I feel a happy obligation to do just that since I cannot financially pay it forward. I hope someday we meet so that I can hug you and thank you personally. And at least buy you a beer!
There are so many here that are much more deserving than I for the subscription, and I hate that I can't even throw a 5-spot into the kitty for someone else to get one. But I have faith that others in this community are doing just that in my place, giving unsuspecting Kossacks the same gift I got last night. What a thrill! Thanks to all the benefactors!
Saying 'thank you' doesn't come easily to some people, including me. We blush, look sideways, make self-deprecating remarks like 'oh, it's nothing,' or 'what-this old thing?' I remember being chastised by my mother when I was a kid. She told me that a dismissive response like that actually undermines the words of the 'thanker' and that I should simply say my thanks in return. It's not easy, even after all these years.
For the past day, clicking the rec button on every one of my first diary comments has been my unspoken 'thank you.' But I had to restrain myself from commenting on every single comment. I admit, that's going overboard. Still, I had the desire to reach out to every person who took the time to share with me. I never want anyone to feel neglected or dismissed.
Some have told me that the hard part is over. I disagree. It's just begun. Becoming a regular diarist (that's my serious intent) and trusted user (what's that, I used to think?), is a responsibility, albeit a pleasurable one. My role in this community has literally grown overnight.
I don't care if I ever make the Rec list again(ok, I lied-I do), but those 'first diary' comments gave me something I've needed for some time. You know, your family and friends can tell you all day long that you are great at what you do, but in the back of your mind, you tell yourself they're biased because they know you and love you. Maybe a kernel of truth, but not much more. Your unadulterated response to my writing was the needed confirmation that besides singing, it is what I do best, what I should pursue, finally.
Steve Martin used to have a stand-up bit where he would say, 'Before I go, I just wanted to thank each and every one of you...thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...'