"Shhhh!!! Be vewy, vewy quiet, we're hunting Congressional aides." (
Fishbowl DC)
It's official! Serial adulterer, thrice-married Newt Gingrich has become the latest GOP presidential candidate to pledge his own fierce advocacy to the cause of "defending traditional marriage."
The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) today announced that presidential front-runner Newt Gingrich has signed the organization's presidential marriage pledge, leaving Ron Paul as the only major candidate not to have signed the pledge. The pledge, which commits candidates to take several concrete actions as President of the United States, has been signed by Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum and Michelle Bachmann. NOM also announced it would launch advertisements in Iowa to publicize those who are pledge to defend marriage as the union of one man and one woman.
"We commend Newt Gingrich for signing NOM's presidential marriage pledge, committing himself to play a leadership role as president to preserve marriage as the union of one man and one woman," said Brian Brown, NOM's president. "Mr. Gingrich joins all the other major candidates who have made a similar commitment, save for one—Ron Paul. Now we will embark on an intensive communications program to inform Iowa voters who will stand with them to preserve marriage, and who has abandoned them on marriage."
It is unclear if this represents a change in Gingrich's previous position that "marriage is a union of one man and at least—but not limited to—three consecutive women."
The "concrete actions" as described by NOM, include:
- Support an amendment to the United State Constitution defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman;
- Appointing Supreme Court Justices and an Attorney General who will apply the original meaning of the Constitution;
- Vigorously defend the federal Defense of Marriage Act in court;
- Establish a presidential commission on religious liberty; and
- Advance legislation to return to the people of the District of Columbia their right to vote on marriage.
For the reader's convenience, the translation from Christian Dominionist-speak is below:
- Go to the considerable expense and trouble to rewrite the Constitution, to guard against the possibility the Supreme Court may erroneously read it as a secular document.
- LGBT-animus litmus test for Supreme Court nominees.
- Waste tax dollars defending du jure laws that serve no useful purpose other than to arbitrarily discriminate against a class of people.
- Use the office of the presidency to hunt down the "gay bullies" and make them pay for calling homophobes homophobes and initiating economic sanctions.
- Deprive the District of Columbia home rule via the footprint of Big Government.
Meanwhile, a far more appropriate endorsement has also come in for Team Gingrich.
Fishbowl DC is reporting Ashley Madison.com, the internet hook-up site, dedicated to bringing together philandering spouses with the shameless cads and harlots who love them, (boasting of 11,945,000 anonymous members!) heralds Gingrich as an inspiring champion of their own mission: marital infidelity.
Pennsylvania motorists heading south on Route 1 may have a hard time keeping their eyes on the road today thanks to the billboard erected near the sleepy town of Morrisville. The ad features a photograph of Gingrich alongside the quip,
"Faithful Republican, Unfaithful Husband. Welcome to the Ashleymadison.com Era."
'Now that Newt is the leading contender in the race for the GOP nomination, we felt compelled to make a point to illustrate how times have changed when a serial divorcee/adulterer is capturing the hearts of the American people," says Noel Biderman, founder and CEO, premier online affair service Ashleymadison.com.
The GOP presidential candidate field continues to flummox and frustrate the efforts of the nation's best satirists to trump their reality.