Today, I signed into my account here at Daily Kos, and somehow, it looked different. Different because you were generous and gave an unexpected gift to me that changed not only the way I literally view Daily Kos now, but how I view each and every one of you who make this community so incredibly special. Your anonymous message to me:
You matter to many! Be well!
meant more than I think you could possibly ever know. Perhaps this diary may be too raw for some, but I feel the need to explain why.
The past two years have been incredibly rough on me, culminating in my attempting something several weeks ago that I am not particularly proud of: I attempted suicide. Illness, financial pressures to afford medications, chronic pain, severe depression, and isolation led me to a very dark place. That awful place that tells you that there really isn’t any point to it all, and reminds you just how bone tired you really are. A wise and wonderful Kossack referred to it as “soul exhaustion” and that was exactly it.
Gratefully in retrospect, I failed and sought help that has made the difference. But that help came about because of a Kossack who shall remain nameless that pulled me through and reminded me that, in the words of this community and you, anonymous benefactor, I mattered to many. That I was part of a community and that I was NOT alone, despite feeling isolated during my darkest point. This was where I belonged, among the living and part of this wonderful place we call Daily Kos.
I am not very good with words. I never have been. But I do know where to go to find words and writing that lifts me, challenges me, and feeds my quest for the truth in a world so full of spin. That place is here. But, it has always been much more than the writing. It’s been the people here; the community and its sense of one another and its love and caring for even those they do not personally know. My sense of belonging to something greater helped during so many difficult times of isolation. And I am forever grateful for this community making me feel like I do matter.
If you can afford to, please pick a name on the list that could use a gift that just may lift their spirits this holiday season when they need it most. I can tell you that it did for me, more than this community may ever fully know.
Humble and grateful thanks and blessings to all of you, for each one of you has been a gift to me over the years…
QUICK UPDATE: MinistryOfTruth, as always, says it so much better than I could in his diary here.