Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's Department of Administration (DOA) recently instituted new rules regarding the use of state facilities. Most political observers assume the confusing and onerous new policy was devised as a way to obstruct and discourage protesters, though people like those who continue to participate in the daily Solidarity Sing Along inside the capitol have so far refused to abide by the new rules.
The policy places restrictions on state employee unions who want to conduct informal meetings during lunch breaks in or near state buildings. That might be the real reason behind the new rules. Regardless, most legal observers predict the rules will be found to violate provisions of both the Wisconsin and U.S. constitutions.
The rule says that any time 4 or more people gather at an event in the state capitol not deemed to be "spontaneous", those people would need a permit. By last Friday, the DOA had been shamed into making some minor adjustments to the policies, exempting families and lobbyists from the permit requirements. Before the changes, though, I had already applied for a permit for my family for Sunday, December 18th, from 3:20 pm to 3:30 pm on the second floor of the capitol rotunda. I had filled in the "crowd estimate " at 4.
Under "proposed use" I had explained that it was a family gathering. We planned to take a family photo holding a sign that said "Merry Christmas from Wisconsin", and that we would say a prayer and videotape ourselves humming "Away in a Manger."
I didn't get specific about the prayer, but it probably would have included wording imploring the Flying Spaghetti Monster to use its noodly appendages to free our state from the meatballs who have invaded our capitol.
I agreed to the rules about paying for cleanup, extra security, and any other costs the DOA decided they wanted to charge me to pray in the capitol, then I signed the form.
Right away, I noticed a problem on the the application which I had downloaded from the DOA website:
Permit application must be in at least 72 hours prior to event. Applications are typically processed in ten (10) business days.
Since I am at the capitol almost every business day to spontaneously sing protest songs with dozens or hundreds of other free spirits, I decided to drop off my application in person last Friday, December 9th. I assumed they would send me my permit before the 18th, despite their confused math.
I was wrong.
When they announced on Friday the 16th that they had exempted families from their new "pay-to-protest" rules, I then assumed that they had made the decision to ignore my "family" request, but I wasn't sure. The 18th came and went, and I had never received a reply about my request. So imagine my surprise when my permit arrived in the mail today:
It was signed by the Chief of the Wisconsin Capitol Police on December 16th (although it looks like he accidentally dated it 12/26/2011, then wrote a "1" over the "2" in 26 to make it a 16.
Remember, the 16th was the same day that the DOA announced that lobbyists and families would not need a permit to hang out at the capitol.
Remember also that I had requested a reservation for December 18th. The envelope was postmarked December 19th. I received it in the mail today, December 20th, even though I had my application in 288 hours prior to my event.
Honestly, I expected this sort of incompetence and confusion. It is a policy that cannot be administered or enforced, so their feeble attempt at granting me "permission" to visit my state house to exercise my constitutional rights as if they had that legitimate authority is exactly the response I was hoping for.
I also expected the vague and unenforceable generalities like my being responsible for "any liability" and their reserving the right to rescind my permit if my event turned out to be "inappropriate to the physical context of the facility."
What the hell does that even mean?
What surprised me was the number of typos and grammatical errors in their permit. Here is the exact wording, warts and all:
This permit is subject to the following conditions: The applicant is responsible for injury to persons participating, damage to property or any liability. The applicant agrees to hold harmless the State of Wisconsin and all its' employes, officers and agents from any and all liability for injury to persons and damage to or loss personal property that may arise out of the applicant's activities. The applicant is responsible for litter or debris as a result of the activities. NO ACTIVITIES WILL BE PERMITTED ON GRASSY AREAS OF THE CAPITOL GROUNDS. NO SOLICITATIONS ARE PERMITTED OR DONATIONS ACCEPTED ON STATE PROPERTY. Amplification equipment shall not create a noise nuisance or exceed the limits set forth in the city of Madison noise ordinance. The Wisconsin Capitol Police retain the right to rescind this permit if the activity: interferes with the prime use of the facility, unduly burdens the managing authority, become a hazard to the public or facility, exposes the state to expenses or damages which cannot be recovered, or is inappropriate to the physical context of the facility.
Again, those are not my typos. That is an exact transcription. Just read this sentence again:
The applicant agrees to hold harmless the State of Wisconsin and all its' employes, officers and agents from any and all liability for injury to persons and damage to or loss personal property that may arise out of the applicant's activities.
Capitol Police Chief Charles Tubbs, a decent man with a sincere desire to avoid needless confrontation, should be embarrassed to sign his name to this unprofessional and disgraceful piece of shit prepared by some DOA flunkie. It's an insult to the citizens of Wisconsin, to English teachers everywhere, to the rule of law, and to the memory of Fighting Bob La Follette.