O, how complicated and full of conflicting feelings is the Holiday Season!! Now, throw a disabled child into that mix and imagine what fun it might be.
Add a dash of concerned and well meaning relatives to the aromatic and frothy stew. They want so badly to help and understand, but somehow it only adds to my stress level. They have so many suggestions, and I don't always have the energy to explain why this one won't help or that one might even make the situation worse.
This year we decided to forgo the family. They say they understand. They're probably still hurt but they can talk amongst themselves. They're kind enough that they won't say it to my face and that's just fine with me.
I thought I'd share a short list of what is helpful and indeed necessary to have any kind of family vacation. It can be done, but it's not the kind of "vacation" others might think of when they want to get away from it all.
We somehow manage to make it work, and we seem to have the collective ability to let go of all the horrible things that happen on vacation (remember when she developed a fear of bathrooms and took to relieving herself on the floor of our rental home?) and remember the funny things that happened when we are forced to improvise to keep our girl happy.
Here are the top five requirements to survive travel of any kind with Ellie.
5) Electronics/Headphones/Wi-fi
I am embarrassed to admit how many devices we have available to Ellie at any given moment. They are critical to the success of a vacation/trip. They keep her entertained, they distract her focus from the boy sitting two tables over who is tapping his foot, they block out extraneous noises, they allow her to film and/or photograph, a key to Ellie interpreting her environment.
Do we allow Ellie to rely on electronics too heavily? Undoubtedly. But when you're trying to have a vacation, the rules go out the window.
4) Advance Research
Does the hotel have a pool? Is there a body of water nearby that will allow for boat travel/tour? Is there an aquarium? Will there be large crowds?
Ellie loves the water. She was some kind of water creature in a past life. We used to think that swimming was an integral part of any vacation, but we have discovered that being ON the water is just as effective as being in it. Put that girl on a boat and all is well. Make that boat a river boat with a bar and Mama and Papa are happy, too. Who cares if the river is freezing and windy? Snacks and drinks and water make for a wonderful two hours.
We made a mistake on this last trip. The hotels we stayed in had pools, but they were outdoors and it got really cold. In desperation, we would have let Ellie swim in the very cold water if she wanted to, but luckily she let it slide this time.
3) Lots of "Breaks"
DO NOT OVER-SCHEDULE ELLIE. A day in New Orleans (our most recent trip) looked like this: breakfast, an activity (aquarium, museum, whatever), break at the hotel. Lunch, activity (Mississippi River cruise, swamp tour, whatever), break at the hotel. Dinner, walk around town shopping or admiring Christmas decorations, back to the hotel early.
Is it annoying and kind of boring? Yes. But, it keeps Ellie on an even keel, and the kids are old enough now that we could theoretically leave the kids alone in the hotel for a little while and go out for a drink or something. Ironically, now that the kids are old enough for that, we appear to be too old to wish to do so. We were usually pooped after dinner and quite happy to watch a little TV and hit the sack early.
2) Driving
A vacation by car has so many advantages to plane travel for us. It's significantly cheaper for a family of five, it keeps us from being trapped in a confined space with toddlers and babies (I live in fear of toddlers and babies these days), it allows us to carry all the accoutrements that we need to travel with Ellie (see #5, imagine us trying to get all those electronics through security--a nightmare), and most importantly, it satisfies our Number One requirement for traveling with Ellie.
1) Flexibility
We must be flexible at all times, in all ways. Sometimes I feel like a rubbery Gumby toy. As I said earlier, when we travel, all the normal Ellie rules go out the window. Ellie gets to stop into every gift shop or toy store we pass, Ellie gets to eat more or less whatever she wants on vacation, Ellie to decide when and where we stay or leave a place. Sometimes we'll cut portions of our trip short if Ellie is having a rough time. We may leave a movie or abandon a meal before it's over.
On our trip in New Orleans, we had to ditch a streetcar ride to see the Garden District houses all lit up for Christmas due to a Jingle Bell singing toddler (the nerve of that cute little girl). I often debate in my own mind whether it's appropriate to ask a mother to try and shut up their kid, but it seems pretty darn rude (on my part), so unless it's a dire situation (like being stuck on a plane, which is why we don't often fly) I don't do it. So, we hopped off the streetcar halfway through the ride and hoofed it back to the hotel. It turned into kind of a funny little adventure (at least that's how I encourage the kids to look at it).
Our life is never, ever boring. It is many things, good and bad, but never boring.