Authors note-I have gotten many comments in response to this diary saying that as someone who is pro-choice, I should respect Jenni Lake's choice to not terminate her pregnancy. I have explained repeatedly that I DO, and that this diary is lamenting the fact that she is being turned into a martyr by a group of people who would not otherwise support her. I have further clarified this in my second comment, in response to my own tip jar. Please read that, or even better the diary in it's entirety (I know it's pretty long) before commenting. Thanks.
As we learned in a
diary written last week, Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney once tried to stop a woman who was prepared to have an abortion due to life threatening blood clots, by asking her this preposterous question:
"why do you get off easy"?
When I read that, I couldn't help but wonder- what does "getting off easy" mean in this context? What happened to the other women he referred to in the same conversation- the ones who had their babies? I wondered if there was an example out there, somewhere, of a woman who did that. Someone that Romney and anti-choicers everywhere could hold up as an example of just what is expected of me, as a woman, if I am ever faced with a life-threatening pregnancy.
Well, today I have my answer- with one caveat. It isn't a woman, it is a girl.
Teen gives birth, loses cancer fight
This is not the storyline you may expect in the case of teen pregnancy. Jenni Lake gave birth to a baby boy the month before her 18th birthday, though she was not destined to become just another teenage mother.
While being admitted to the hospital, she pulled her nurse down to her at bed level and whispered into her ear. The nurse would later repeat the girl’s words to comfort her family, as their worst fears were realized a day after Jenni’s baby was born.
“She told the nurse, ‘I’m done, I did what I was supposed to. My baby is going to get here safe,’” said Diana Phillips, Jenni’s mother.
In photographs, the baby’s ruddy cheeks and healthy weight offer a stark contrast to the frail girl who gave birth to him. She holds the newborn tightly, kissing the top of his head. Jenni, at 5 feet and 4 inches tall, weighed only 108 pounds at the full term of her pregnancy.
A day after the Nov. 9 birth, Phillips learned that her daughter’s decision to forgo treatment for tumors on her brain and spine so she could carry the baby would have fatal repercussions. The cancer had marked too much territory. Nothing could be done, Phillips said.
It was only 12 days past the birth — half spent in the hospital and the other half at home — before Jenni was gone.
The article goes on to explain how Jenni was first diagnosed with brain and spinal cancer when she was 16, and told that she had a 30% chance of surviving 2 years. Yet despite those odds, 2 rounds of chemotherapy had been effective at shrinking her tumors and her prognosis was improving.
And then, she found out she was pregnant. 10 weeks pregnant. And she decided that, rather than go through another round of chemotherapy, as her oncologists had prescribed, she would forgo further treatment rather than terminate her pregnancy in the first trimester.
The story of Jenni Lake has taken off, especially within conservative and pro-life circles. It was first covered, as far as I can tell, by this local Idaho station right after it happened, but was ignored by the national press. Then, on December 28th, the AP put out a heart tugging story of "Jenni's sacrifice", and from there it took off- getting coverage internationally, but especially within conservative outlets. One of the first to pick up the story was Glenn Beck's website The Blaze. Back in August, I was so enraged by the comments I read on this website in response to the murder of 87 people- many of them around the same age as Jenni- and his own callous comparison of these same children to the "Hitler Youth" that I made it the subject of my first diary.
The reactions to this teenagers death, however, were decidedly different. Here is a sampling:
"With all that I’ve done in my life, I could never reach her level. She said she did what she was supposed to do. I’m still waiting. God is smiling over His success."
Said one
This story made me cry with reverence, this beautiful young lady is my new hero in heart. She has the real Hope for America in her actions and heart. Thank You Jenni for showing me your way.
Said another
God bless you Jenni, you’re an example of what “motherhood” is all about. What a pity it is that the thousands of young teens who become pregnant and get abortions don’t have your God given sense of what being a mother is all about.
Said another, and so on.
It is not just Glenn Beck's wingnut fans either- as her story goes viral, Jenni is being hailed as a hero, selfless, mother of the year in various outlets.
The group "Idaho Chooses Life"paid tribute to her by saying this:
Ignoring the unfortunate circumstances surrounding the pregnancy, we must marvel at the pure courage and strength this young woman displayed in choosing life for her baby
Indeed, as this story has picked up steam the inconvenient details of Jenni's life- those
"unfortunate circumstances surrounding the pregnancy"- i.e. that she was an unmarried teenager, have been quickly and quietly glossed over if not ignored altogether. Even her very image has been whitewashed- the pictures of her in life- with her many facial piercings and black fingernail polish, her mischievous eyes lined with thick black eyeliner in a way that only a 17 year old girl can really pull off- are barely used anymore. Instead, it is the picture of Jenni right after she gave birth. Jenni at deaths door, unrecognizable from those earlier images, wane and weak from the cancer that has eaten away at her body, her gaunt face and sad eyes making her appear much older than her years. That's the picture that is used now. And that is the picture that most people will think of when they think of her from now on. Because that is all the story of her life has been reduced to-the story of her tragic, unnecessary and painful death.
I used to go to Catholic school. One of the assignments I had in my theology class was to write a biography of a saint. In what I thought was a very clever idea to get away with writing as little as possible. I decided to choose the youngest saint ever canonized- Maria Goretti, who was only 12 years old when she died. Or, to be specific, when she was brutally murdered by a man who was trying to rape her. Who was brutally murdered because she refused to let her 12 year old self get raped, and canonized for the same reason.
From Saint Maria Goretti: an inspiration for today's children
In this day of widespread impurity among youngsters, it is good to know that a twelve-year-old girl fought against a sexual attack by a youth who planned carefully to seduce her. When she refused his advances he flew into a rage and fatally attacked her with a knife.
Her name is Maria Goretti, martyred in the beginning of XX century because she refused to commit an act of impurity with a young man named Alexander.
He became furious over her refusal as she fled from the field where his first attack took place. Later that day she went to lunch with her family and her attacker but then slipped away to hide for several hours.
For a whole week there was no trouble but then as she made the beds with none of the family in the house, he entered quietly from behind and grabbed her.
She fought him off and finally he quit, saying, "If you tell your mother I'll kill you!"
He left the room and she locked the door behind him and stayed there until her mother returned and scolded her for not preparing the meal. Alexander laughed loudly at her discomfort, since he had threatened to kill her if she told on him so she felt that silence was safer, but Alexander did not give up.
He followed her constantly, waiting and watching like the proverbial cat and mouse. His threat rang in her ears, constantly chilling her and yet prayer gave her confidence; God would not forsake her!
A few days later Alexander called out, "Maria, I have a torn shirt that needs mending. I shall need it to go to Mass tomorrow; I'm leaving it on my bed." Although she felt like refusing, true charity won out in her heart and she consented to be of service. Alexander went out to harness the team of oxen.
[...]
Suddenly she hears Alexander coming up the stairs. He goes into the bedroom but then comes to the doorway and in a harsh voice calls, "Maria, come here!" As she responds, he grabs her and pulls her into the bedroom. He threatens her with a knife but she pulls herself free and screams for help but no one hears her.
She leaps behind the table for protection but he knocks it aside and trips her. "Are you going to give in or must I kill you?" he screams. Her only answer is a wild struggle to get away, twisting, screaming and biting, with gasps of "No, I will not!" He argues, "Why?" - "It is a sin, Alexander. You will go to hell!"
The brute in him takes over and he said, later, that something inside him seemed to snap and with mad rage he plunged the knife which he held, into her breast and abdomen. Thinking that she was dead, he threw the bloody knife into the closet, went to his room and locked the door.
When he failed to return, the mother became worried and sent Mariano to check. Shrieks from the room where Maria lay brought several persons up the stairs.
There was Maria on the floor, her clothing soaked in blood. The mother, assisted by another woman, removed the bloody dress and underwear, revealing gashes across her breast, stomach and all over the body.
The mother gasped, "Alexander! But why?"
The answer came slowly in a weak voice, "Because he wanted to commit an awful sin and I would not."
[...]
When the chaplain came in he reminded her of how Jesus had pardoned His murderers and Maria said, "I too, pardon Alexander and wish that someday he join me in Heaven." The priest brought the Holy Viaticum to the patient whose eyes were filled with tears of joy.
At the time I wrote my report, I remember being troubled by the story of Maria Goretti. I wondered how I would react if I was in that situation- would I die rather than be raped? I thought that given the choice, I would rather live. Something that made me feel very guilty and selfish, and I chose not to include it in my report. Instead I wrote of Maria Goretti in the same way that she was written of in the books about saints-As a hero, and a role model for young women and victims of sexual assault. I got "A" on my paper, and my teacher (who in an ironic twist later resigned in disgrace after impregnating one of his underage students) even read it aloud in class. Well, part of it anyways. He skipped over the sparse biographical details of her early life, which up until that point had been rather unremarkable, and went straight to the attempted rape, stabbing, and act of deathbed contrition. Maria Goretti, he concluded, was one of the most inspiring and beloved saints. She died with her chastity and her purity intact. She made the ultimate sacrifice,
Of course, Jenni Lake did not die with her purity intact like the virgin martyr Maria Goretti. In fact, I think it is safe to say that were it not for the tragic circumstances of her death, Jenni Lake would probably not be someone that the conservative movement would be particularly supportive of. Young and unwed, her pregnancy would not have been celebrated-it would have been scorned. It would have been held up as just another sign of the cultural erosion that is destroying the fabric of our society.
Given the fact that her family had to hold a fundraiser to pay for her funeral expenses, it is very likely that Jenni would have had to go on welfare, or use WIC, and food stamps to support her son if she had lived. It is highly likely that, like most teen moms, she would have dropped out of high school, that her relationship would not have survived and that she would have ultimately ended up as one of those people that conservatives derisively refer to as "parasites" and "leeches".
Or maybe she wouldn't have. Maybe she would have beaten the odds-gotten married, graduated, gone on to have a successful life. But we will never know now, how her story would have ended up, because she is dead.
And it is because she is dead that none of that even matters. Because dead people make for convenient moral parables- especially when they are young enough that you can wipe away all the messy details in their lives that made them human in the first place. Jenni Lake will forever be celebrated and revered, simply because she died. Because through the act of dying, she became someone that society deemed important. As the article states, "she was not destined to become just another teenage mother"
Just as Maria Goretti was not destined to become just another rape victim.
As I think about these two girls, and the tragic way that they died, I feel sadness. And I also feel anger. An rage deep inside of me, not just for their tragic and unnecessary deaths, but for the way that we, as a society, have chosen to remember them. That instead of recoiling with horror at the idea that young Maria Goretti thought that being the victim of rape meant she would be "committing an act of impurity", and that she valued her own "purity" over her very life; instead of teaching our young girls that rape is a crime, and that being victimized is not a sin, we continue to hold up this canonized virgin martyr child who we are told died with a smile on her face and forgiveness in her heart for the man who brutalized her, as a saint and a role model. And that even though she was killed 110 years ago, her legacy of the idealized "good victim" continues to permeate our legal system and the way we view and judge rape victims to this day.
And I am angry that the tragic story of Jenni Lake is now going viral, and that she is being held up as an example of morality and motherhood. I'm angry that she is treated like a hero and not a victim- a child who was made to to believe that her own life was of less importance than that of a 10 week old fetus. And yet her story is talked of in hushed tones as "inspiring" and "moving", the words she spoke right before she gave birth ‘I’m done, I did what I was supposed to do. My baby is going to get here safe" described as "words of comfort"
Those words have a decidedly different effect on me. Those words break my heart. They are the words of someone who felt that bringing a child to full gestation was her moral obligation, her sole purpose on this earth. "I did what I was supposed to do"
Such ideas do not occur to 17 year old girls in a vacuum. Those ideas are usually learned, formed and shaped by the input of those closest to them. That certainly appears to be the case here. In a follow up story, this was what those closest to Jenni had to say:
I think it freaking rocks that it went nationwide, because I think the world needs to see that not everybody is selfish,” family friend Heather Cossaboom said
It's that message of selflessness that Jenni's family and friends hope people across the country learn from her death.
Tomorrow my own daughter-who I had as a young unwed mother myself- will turn 5 years old. And while I will not cast aspersions on a family in mourning, I will say this- I hope they are wrong. I hope that my own daughter comes of age in a society that understands that there is no silver lining, no greater moral lesson, no intrinsic value in the death of a young girl under any circumstances. I hope I will be able to instill in her the basic understanding that her life is more precious than any archaic notions of sexual purity, or a 10 week old fetus. That it is better to be ordinary and alive than extraordinary and dead. And that if she is ever, god forbid, faced with a dilemma like Maria Goretti or Jenni Lake, the one thing, in fact the
only thing, that she is "supposed to do" is
choose life for herself. And that it is the furthest thing in the world from "selfish" to do so.