Eleven score and 16 years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent the greatest nation ever in the entire history of the universe, conceived in freedom from all regulations, and dedicated to the proposition that all men can screw each other over in order to get as rich as they want.
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Now we are engaged in a great presidential election, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived can long endure against the rabble that engage in “class warfare.” We are met on a great rally of that election. We have come to hear my stump speech in which I proclaim whatever position will help me to win the election. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this at a time when no one in the media will call me out for it.
But, according to my campaign advisers, we cannot openly question the President’s race, patriotism or place of birth. The brave men and women, living and dead, carrying on our struggle from the Supreme Court have already enabled corporations, thanks to the Citizens United decision, to spend millions of dollars to ask those questions. The world will little note nor long remember anything that ever comes out of my mouth, but it will have a much harder time forgetting all the millions of dollars those Super PACs will spend on misleading and vicious advertisements. It is for us, the desperate to be elected, to act as if we’re completely un-related to any of that activity which my millionaire friends and business associates have thus far so maliciously advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us – that from these honored partisans we take inspiration to proceed with increased deceitfulness to that cause for which they give an astonishing measure of their bank accounts – that we here highly resolve that these billionaires shall not have spent in vain – that this greatest of all nations ever known throughout the cosmos, under God, shall have a new orgy of negative campaigning – and that government of the one percent, by the one percent, for the one percent, shall not perish from the earth!