There's a new study out there.
I won't tell you who wrote it, I won't quote directly from it, I won't tell you for which publication or institution it was written for.
This study says that kids who grow up with two gay parents are far better off than kids who have hateful, poisonous, bigoted, frightened parents in their household.
In fact, the study went on to say that kids of gay parents grow up to be pretty much like everyone else.
Kids of bigots however, grow up to feel inadequate, judgmental, socially awkward, frightened of their own shadow, or alternatively full of false bravado. They have terrible personal relationships because they hold people to impossible standard that they themselves cannot meet but they've learned at home how to fake it.
Also, children of bigoted parents often turn into puppy mutilators. I'm just telling you what scientists have found. Don't blame me if you don't like it.
I will now walk off the stage and will allow no questions. I will never allow any of you to ask me a question about this study, nor will I ever offer more information.
To those of you in the audience who might be the child of bigots, I could care less that you might be feeling like horse-poop right now. In the end it's your own fault for not denouncing your bigoted parents and running off to the loving arms of the welfare system.
Oh, wait, that's a government socialist program. You must throw yourselves on the mercy of the Church if you want to feel any better about yourself.
Just make sure you don't get left alone in the room with a priest. Those guys are still recovering from the shocks of the loose-sex culture of the 60's.