Dear God, please send us someone
to save us from ourselves.
Preferably someone who can count to three
Poor conservatives. You almost have to feel sorry for
these guys:
A near-panic has taken hold among some core conservative activists, who are now scrambling to devise a strategy to deny Mitt Romney the Republican presidential nomination. [...]
In one sign of their desperation, some activists are holding out for what they acknowledge is a spectacular long shot: a late-entering savior who could still qualify for enough state ballots and win enough delegates to force a brokered GOP convention this summer.
Half the candidates who are already in the race are too dumb to figure out how to get their names on the ballot in some states, which is why they've turned to judicial activism in the hopes that some really activist judge takes pity on their stupidity and says, "Well, okay, since you're such idiots, I'll throw out the law for you," and lets them on the ballot anyway.
So it's hard to see how some mysterious Not Romney out there would manage to get on enough ballots to actually snatch the all-but-inevitable nomination from Mitt Romney. Especially when the various factions of the Republican base can't even agree on a suitable Not Romney:
The tension is exacerbated by the deep divisions between two key GOP wings: tea party groups yearning for a pure small-government conservative, and evangelical Christians who want a loyal social conservative.
Yes, the "hating abortion is priority no. 1" Republicans are duking it out with the "hating taxes is priority no. 1" Republicans, and so far, the one thing they can all agree on is that after hating abortion and taxes, they all really hate Mitt Romney.
“We’re aware that the vote is being split and how dangerous that is,” said Joe Dugan, a Gingrich supporter who is chairman of the Myrtle Beach Tea Party and coordinator of the convention.
“We’re trying to encourage coalescing around one candidate,” Dugan added. “But tea party people are very independent-minded.”
Riiiiiight. Those oh-so-independent-minded teabaggers who are actually more Republican than Republicans:
The Tea Party respondents prove how independent they are by opting for the Republicans by a 88-7 margin -- which is more reliably Republican than self-identified Republicans. No joking. Self-identified Republicans want more Republicans in Congress by a 84-7 margin.
And of course that's why a plurality of teabaggers supported Romney in New Hampshire last night. Because they're so "independent-minded." And principled. Not that they understand that:
Sal Russo, a strategist for the Tea Party Express who met with Romney aides in April, described a “misunderstanding as to what the tea party stood for.”
Yeah, apparently they stand for Romney.
All their fretting and emergency "How do we stop Mitt?" meetings seem pretty pointless. It's not a stretch to say they're going to be stuck with Mitt. All the official Not Romneys in the race have self-destructed, and no other notable Republican is willing to play the role of Sacrificial Lamb of the Week just to give these "independent-minded" morons some temporary false hope.
Of course, they do deserve it. After spending the past three years embracing nihilism and hatred because there's a black guy in the White House who tried to reduce the numbers of Americans who die every year from lack of access to affordable health care, getting stuck with the guy who invented that health care plan is quite fitting. And the fact that he once supported reproductive rights and pledged to be a better advocate for gay rights than Ted Kennedy? Well, that's really just the cherry on top. And this is the guy they're going to be stuck with because they're all out of saviors.
Like I said, it almost makes you feel sorry for them. Almost.