The South Carolina primary is tomorrow and with the ascendance of thrice-married and serial adulterer Newt Gingrich we're finally seeing the dirty side of the Republican Party come out. Like a sheltered churchy freshman in the first year of college, the Republican electorate is letting go of their morals they were raised on and are cutting loose for the first time.
Unfortunately, just like a churchy coed, this is going to involve going overboard. Instead of giving their V-card to that nice, clean cut boy Mitt Romney that their Establishment parents would like, or even that dumb frat boy from Texas who's always on the brink of dropping out, they've fallen for the charms of the notorious history professor, Newt Gingrich.
More steamy stuff below the fold.
Oh, the South Carolina coed knows the rumors about Prof. Gingrich. How he sleeps around with other women, how he's arrogant and got a big head (metaphorically and in actuality). And while he lacks in the looks department, he certainly has other things going for him. That arrogance comes off as confidence. He has the ability to speak, and tells about how he's going to be President of the college.
And of course, he knows she's struggling. He hears her complaints about her constitutional law professor and his suggestions that instead of using her wealth and privilege to party her time away, she commit some of that time to study, social service and branching out to people different than her.
Professor Gingrich listens and tells her what she wants to hear. He calls that constitutional law professor a "Harvard elitist", suggests that he only got the job through affirmative action and tells her that she is exceptional and not to worry about the demands of shared sacrifice. He then makes his move. She resists, asking about his wife. He tells her his marriage isn't some exclusive club, like the ivory-tower constitutional law professor's, but has an open enrollment policy.
She knows she shouldn't. Her friend in New Hampshire tells her Romney, though a tad dull, is a better choice. Even her Iowa friend, who's choice between Romney and that Catholic boy ended in 69 with Santorum wouldn't consider Gingrich. They both warn her that he's been making plans with that hussie from Florida, not to mention his hope for up to put up to ten others to bed on "Super Tuesday".
So that South Carolina coed has a choice Saturday. Go with Romney for a milkshake date before the sock-hop, or meet up with Professor Gingrich for a special "study session". When she wakes up and goes to church Sunday, will that South Carolina girl know she's made the safe choice everyone will praise her for, or will she have to repent and worry she'll become the mother of a bastard Newt Gingrich nomination?