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i will freely admit that i am hypersensitive today (i look at the clock and correct-yesterday) was my birthday, and memorable only because it was so miserable...friends and family forgot, mom baked a rum cake (which i don't like, but she doesn't remember that anymore), and i've got cramps. and we're broke, and unemployed, and, dammit, i didn't get that diary on roe v. wade done.

with that admission out of the way, i would like to offer a bit of sage advice from a not-so-old-but-getting-there-quick chick...

be kind...ya get it? kind. be aware of the fact that your life's journey is different from that of the person next to you or whose name you click on. you may read a diary that has nothing to do with electing better democrats, or pooties or ows. it may be brutal and personal. it may push a button for you. maybe a diary about molestation and abuse, and death and survival.  i speak from experience...the voice we find after tragedy is imperfect, and often crude (but necessary).

so, if you can't be kind, or at least indifferently respectful, walk away silently, please. don't respond with a fuck you, or you're a loser or a retard or any number of the awful names i've seen spewed the last few hours by some kossacks to each other.

a quick story...after my brother died, my nieces were in one hell of a fight with their mother, who is not a very kind person, to say the least. she screamed, 'fuck you. i hate you!' to two very sad, very mixed-up girls, her own children. it made me queasy. it made my head and my heart hurt.

that's something like how i've felt the past few hours...

be kind...

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Comment Preferences

  •  A friend of mine... (11+ / 0-)

    and her UID here was four-digit, OK?...said of Kossacks that we are so mean and while she wasn't referring to me, or sara, or alma, or many of her other friends here, she was certainly referring to those who are quick to take offense, or engage in flame wars.

    Me?  I back-button the hell outta there.

    I'm not especially sweet...but I'm nice & try to be polite... online.

    In real life: watch out.  LOL.

  •  I did good (11+ / 0-)

    I had a bit of a reputation of being an asshole out here in the past, but I have gotten better and normally I would have rampaged through the diary you spoke of spewing venom, but I was pretty civil. And yes, I am looking for a cookie or a pat on the back for being kind. It is hard sometimes.

    Happy belated birthday by the way. Someone needs to get you an ice cream cake.

    The nicest and most intelligent people are the ones that share my point of view.

    by jbou on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 02:09:17 AM PST

  •  Happy Birthday! (8+ / 0-)

    What kind of cake is your favorite? I'd have baked it if I'd known ;)

    "George RR Martin is not your bitch" ~~ Neil Gaiman

    by tardis10 on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 02:20:27 AM PST

  •  Happy belated Birthday shesaid (9+ / 0-)

    Kind people rule. Mean people suck. You're rich for being one of the kind ones.

    Here's a poem for your birthday, I hope you like it. It may not be your cup of tea, I dunno, but I wanted to give you a gift. This is by Alla Renee Bozarth. (It's recited from memory and I say it slow, with a round, easy cadence.)

    The small plot of ground
    on which you were born
    cannot be expected to stay
    forever the same.

    Earth changes, and home
    becomes different places.

    You took flesh from clay,
    but the clay did not come
    from just one place.

    To feel alive, important, safe,
    know your own waters and hills;
    but know more.

    For you have stars in your bones,
    and oceans in blood.
    You have opposing terrain in each eye.

    You belong to the land and sky
    of your first cry.

    You belong to infinity.

    okay here's Hafiz.

    We are all holding hands and climbing.
    Not loving is a letting go.
    Listen, the terrain around here is far too dangerous for that.

    Thanks for holding hands round here, shesaid. May your year  bring surprising abundance in all ways. love, water willow

    •  ww-this is one of the best presents (6+ / 0-)

      i've gotten ever! seriously...sometimes the right words appear exactly when you need them.

      def. my cup of tea! i read it out loud (yes, much better that way) and cried...being adopted, it truly spoke to me.

      i'm so glad there are people like you here, water willow. thanks for encouraging me and holding my hand.

      and ps-love your sig-been meaning to tell you that. maybe you were a druid in a past life...

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 08:52:46 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I know what you mean (4+ / 0-)

        and have experienced it too- getting the right words just when I need them. So deeply glad you enjoyed the poems, and that you read aloud. That's half the magic of poetry, I think.

        I may be a "druid" in THIS life according to some definitions/perspectives. Though I def. can do without the animal sacrifices, tyvm.

        Is that your hair in your profile pic? beautiful!

        •  i wish i were better at memorizing... (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Wordsinthewind, labwitchy

          because to be able to recite like so gives you the freedom to feel it.

          i've always been interested in things celtic/druidic. used to read runes, but it's been awhile. it's a shame there's not much in the way of historical/archaeological info.

          being a druid might not be so bad...there's worse things-like repubs. lol.

          yes, that's my hair. still longer but not as long as then (so long ago).

          i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

          by shesaid on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 01:24:02 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

  •  happy belated birthday... (7+ / 0-)

    and I agree... more nice would be nice :)

    "It is horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment." *Ansel Adams* ."Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."*Will Rogers*

    by Statusquomustgo on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 03:20:34 AM PST

  •  {{{ shesaid }}} (6+ / 0-)

    I've had some awful, horrible birthdays (you'd be bored witless if I told you about them all — but one year my dad died on the day!), and I totally get feeling hypersensitive. Not that you need it, but you've got my permission to wallow just a bit. :-)

    As for kindness, I'm with you there, too. Thanks for the thoughtful post.

    There are, in every age, new errors to be rectified, and new prejudices to be opposed. ~Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

    by slksfca on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 04:55:29 AM PST

    •  oh, no! i can't imagine... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      hazey, nomandates

      on the other hand (and this is my dark humor), at least you never forget when he died...i'm horrible at remembering important dates...right now i'm not sure of the exact day of my brother's death. see how easy that would be?

      i'm so sorry about your dad's death, and you can commiserate with me about horrible birthdays anytime. (((slksfca))) and thanks so very!

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 09:01:35 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  An old saying - Be very kind, for everyone you (6+ / 0-)

    know is fighting a great battle.

    Still true, still useful.

    Hugs a day late!

    Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? . . . and respect the dignity of every human being.

    by Wee Mama on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 06:55:19 AM PST

    •  thank you for the hugs! (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      hazey, Wee Mama, nomandates

      ((hugs back)). yes, i love that saying... it true? is it kind? is it necessary? that's what i wish i'd written (lol). well-done, wee mama! it's great going back and reading diaries from past years.

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 09:13:53 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  (((Shesaid))) (5+ / 0-)

    Thank you. This means more to me than you know.

    And happy belated birthday...if it's any consolation, my birthday (January 7th) was forgotton by a lot of people too, and I'm on a post holiday diet so my only cake was a "brownie" the size of a playing card.

    The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places ~Ernest Hemingway
    Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle ~ Anonymous

    by SwedishJewfish on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 07:40:20 AM PST

    •  thank you, sweet sjf (((hugs))) (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      SwedishJewfish, hazey, nomandates

      happy belated bday...i wouldn't have minded a little brownie...i feel so bad that mom baked a cake i won't eat...and she even made it without nuts, bless her heart.

      you've done a great thing...for yourself and others. stay strong.

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 09:34:11 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Happy (belated ) birthday to you (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    shesaid, hazey, Vacationland, nomandates

    Happy (belated) birthday to you
    Happy (belated) birthday dear shesaid
    Happy (belated) birthday to you.

    •  Happy Birthday! (5+ / 0-)

      I've had some very hard birthdays the last few years.  The big 50 my life was literally in tatters.  This past year was pretty quiet for me as well.  
        I was here pre Obama back when Kerry was running.  After the last election which i worked on (-did me good).  I couldn't take the angst here anymore.  Recently i have returned.  I lived in a rural area and just now got high speed.  Omg-  no tv just net-flix and the puter.
        My life is really so much better now.   I am no longer in a dysfunctional relationship.  Although i just had a boyfriend break up that hurt,  i know down inside i will be better.
        So know deep inside the best of you is a shining star.  And there is so much to be said for kindness.

      •  thank you boudi08! (3+ / 0-)

        i'm glad things are better for you and that you've returned here. there's plenty of angst, but there are too many good people here for me to focus on that (i say that now-ha).

        i lived in a 'holler' for years...rural, no tv, and dialup. it's peaceful...maybe tooooo peaceful. heh. it's good you've got high speed now. makes all the difference.

        and as for boyfriends-don't get me started!! but here's a good quote i've reminded myself: better to lose a lover than love a loser.

        i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

        by shesaid on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 01:42:25 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  dear flumpty! (4+ / 0-)

      as long as the song is not sung loudly and off-key in a restaurant, i'm alright with it. lolz.

      thank you! (((flumpt)))

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 09:46:50 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  sorry your birthday sucked (6+ / 0-)

    shesaid, had a few of those and they didn't build character no matter what anyone tries to tell you. Forgetting them did. I have struggled with the juvenile level of meanness here myself, the only thing I've found that works is backing out. If folks want to carry on that's their business but I'm not obliged to watch it.

    "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

    by Wordsinthewind on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 10:12:29 AM PST

  •  There are days when I log off (5+ / 0-)

    because I am kind of stung by the meanness here. I admit to often being surprised at the things said. There are some studies of the Net and why people are less polite online; I read these a bit. Apparently, it's basic dehumanization akin to road rage. People have a hard time imagining a human on the other side of the screen. Even with photos. Even with text.

    It can be very biting, truly, and put me in a dour mood, although it's so often from the same folks that by now, I figure that the problem is obviously with them and just ignore them, log off, try not to read the comment again, that kind of thing.

    People have different ideas of what it means to be kind. I'll go with at least civil.

    Sorry about your birthday!

    •  i agree (4+ / 0-)

       i was so sick this weekend from comments and accusations and this hasn't been the 1st time...sometimes i say angry things, yet i do not want to be demeaning and cruel....and i will write it and then erase it as i helps to look at the comment and take some deep breaths and imagine Receiving it...

    •  i guess it will always surprise me (4+ / 0-)

      when people say such horrid things. i agree about the net studies-so easy for us to detach. like we're untouchable because we're not there in person.

      i am learning, since delurking when i didn't pay attention to comments so much, that indeed, it's often the usual suspects here. and sometimes it's someone who just hit a wall (which i understand, too).

      thank you very much for sharing.

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 04:58:31 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  i'm so sorry i missed your diary! (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Bette Kibble, shesaid, Oh Mary Oh

    and your birthday too!

    i'm afraid i'm one of those who sometimes cannot be kind to someone who is defending something i feel is indefensible.  i've gotten better though.  i'll type the comment and cancel it.  it works for me.  there are times though, just the right note is struck by a diary and people go off on it for the wrong reasons.  it saddens me and it angers me.  still, i'll try to remember your advice.  so simple, yet so wise.  be kind.  

    a merry unbirthday to you shesaid!  a very merry unbirthday!  ((((shesaid)))

    Republicans ARE cooties!

    by labwitchy on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 11:19:37 AM PST

    •  good idea-writing and then erasing, (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      labwitchy, Oh Mary Oh, Bette Kibble

      just to get it out of your system.

      no worries about my birthday-i didn't tell anyone here, except in the diary, and only secondarily.

      i'll probably have some big blowup and get hr'd someday and someone will say, wasn't that the chick who wrote about being kind? what a hypocrite! hope not. we're imperfect, but it doesn't mean we don't strive to be better...

      thank you very, very much for the hugs and unbirthday wishes (love that!) and big hugs to you, my friend. i know you've been going thru your own struggles lately, and i so hate that for you. sending you positive energy.


      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 05:09:02 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  You post strikes a chord... (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Bette Kibble, shesaid, labwitchy

    because I do not fit neatly into any category here at Kosland.  I am to the left of many on some issues here and to the right of some on many, many issues.

    I try not to write about the issues where I am to the right because I do not want to start a flame war (something I have learned the hard way over the last 8 or 9 years).  I do hate to see people eviscerated here for stating their opinion if it does not align with the Kos standard beliefs.  I have been called many horrible things such as a rapist, murderer, pig, etc just for trying to respectfully state my difference of opinion.  I have stood by while others have been ridiculed for their religeous beliefs just because someone feels they are stupid for believing in an "invisible man in the sky".  I have always tried to remain respectful and I feel that it has paid off dividends for me here.

    Kindness is still the predominate expression here in Kosland and the rude and mean commenters are still the exception.  However, kind and respectful disagreements goes along way to show a person's true character.  There are an incredible amount of love and good will shown here at the dailykos.  I am glad your diary points out that kindness is one of the greatest attributes of this site and those who do not follow this simple rule are diminishing this site for everyone else.

    "Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not YET sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favour..."

    by Buckeye Nut Schell on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 11:51:06 AM PST

    •  well-put, buckeye. (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      labwitchy, Bette Kibble

      one thing i find fascinating about dkos-the wide range of beliefs and interests even w/in this demo. framework. hard not to step on a few toes from time to time. and as a friend mentioned, if not kindness, then civility.

      thanks for your thoughts.

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 05:13:06 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  When asked what his Religion Is (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    shesaid, labwitchy, Oh Mary Oh

    when asked what his Religion is HH the  Dalai Lama replied " My Religion is kindness".  ... a Very Happy Birthday and year to come for is also the Chinese New year...year of the Dragon...

    •  kindness should be the religion of all. (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      labwitchy, Oh Mary Oh, Bette Kibble

      the dalai lama is a real-life legend, i would say, though he wouldn't like that label, i know. ;)

      thanks for the birthday wishes. yes, very excited for the year of the dragon. it's already beginning to be an interesting year.

      i'm not aware of too many things-i know what i know, if you know what i mean-e.b.

      by shesaid on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 05:17:37 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

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