From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Comity Tonight!
Following a tradition started a year ago, our elected humanoids will pair off and sit with their ideological opposites during tonight's State of the Union speech. It's a chance to show the country that, for at least one frigging hour, we can all get along in peace and harmony. The mommy party and the daddy party. The tea partiers and the occupiers. The believers and the questioners. The conservatives who have no brains and the liberals who have nothing but brains. And best of all, it's deficit-neutral!
This morning I'd like to give a special shoutout to one of my Senators, Republican Susan Collins, for stretching her ideological comfort zone practically to the breaking point. She'll be sitting with---are you sitting down?---Senator Joe Lieberman.
Lieberman. Lieberman. Lieberman. Where have I heard that name before? Ohhhhh, yeah. That guy. The one voters kicked out of the Democratic party in 2006 for being such a turncoat. The one who campaigned for John McCain and gave a thunderous speech at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul (the same speech in which he called Sarah Palin "A leader we can count on.") And also the guy who campaigned for, and made a $5,000 donation to, the 2009 re-election campaign of...wait for it…Susan Collins. But not before she campaigned for him during his 2006 re-election run.
So when you're watching the speech tonight, and they pan to Susan and Joe sitting together, looking all smiley happy joyful---maybe even holding hands or taking turns sitting on each other's lap---know that inside they're fighting the urge to filibuster the tar out of each other.
Maybe there's hope for this battered old republic after all.
P.S. Joe Biden will sit next to John Boehner again. Honestly, I don’t see how Dr. Orangelove makes it through the night without at least a couple purple nurples from Uncle BFD.
Kum by Yah, everybody. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Note: Because this note is part of an ongoing investigation, it has nothing to say at this time.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Groundhog Day: 9
Days `til the Chicago Bass Festival in Highland Park: 12
Increase in existing home sales in December: 5%
Overall increase in home sales for 2011: 1%
(Source: National Association of Realtors)
Number of votes Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker got in 2010 versus the number of anti-Walker recall signatures turned in last week: 1.12 million / 1 million
(Source: MSNBC)
Amount Tampa's Penthouse Club is spending on getting spiffed up for the Republican National Convention: $1,000,000
(Source: Harper's Index)
Number of views of the Dramatic gopher on You Tube: 33.7 million
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
If Perry isn't the nominee, I'm convinced we might as well have 4 more years of Obama.
---Commenter "Evnston" at National Review
All together now: 1…2…3… Awesome!!!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: A lesson in gravity management...
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CHEERS to America's annual family reunion. Once a year, our government's leaders and citizens pile into the station wagon of freedom (no dog carrier on top, though, because only a freak would do that) and cruise to Capitol Hill to hear the head of the household deliver the equivilent of one of those multi-page "family update" letters that comes every December tucked inside a holiday card. It's President Obama's moment to define where we’ve been and where we're going and if going there involves climbing into a handbasket. The theme tonight will be economic fair play. Why, how very 99-percent of you, Mr. President. Here's your drinking game: drink enough so that you're unconscious by the time Mitch Daniels delivers the Republican response, but not so much that you miss the "Tea Party Express response" by Herman Cain. Spoiler Alert: We hear he's going the full Pokemon.
JEERS to those guys again. The biggest news from last night's Republican debate in Tampa: Fred Thompson got up from his rocking chair long enough to endorse Newt Gingrich. Otherwise, about the best thing I can say is that the mortician on duty made all four candidates look semi-lifelike. (Small quibble: too much facial wax, Santorum.) The next debate is Thursday in Jacksonville, starting at 8 on CNN. John King will come with a list of probing questions, a fresh ballpoint pen and a Gingrich-proof blast shield.
CHEERS to portraits in contrast. A little reminder that we will never fully understand this thing called human existence. Fitness guru Jack LaLanne died a year ago. Since the age of 15 he pounded iron, did cardio, ate super-healthy food and lived into his 90s. And on this date in 1965, Winston Churchill died. He drank heavily, smoked cigars, overate, and lived into his 90s. Today I plan to straddle both lines by installing a Twinkie dispenser on my treadmill.
P.S. Happy 95th birthday to the very-much-alive Ernest Borgnine. He appeared in his first movie 61 years ago, and he's still booking gigs. A starving artist's work is never done.
CHEERS to bowing out with class. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords announced Sunday that she's stepping down so she can focus on her rehabilitation. Considering where she was a year ago, the silver lining here is that she's still alive to step down at all. And even better, she's departing with these words: "I will return." If memory serves, MacArthur said something along those lines during W.W. II and came back to kick some ass. Giffords will be a special guest in the gallery tonight at the State of the Union. Have hanky, will dab.
JEERS to flim-flam noir. People call me Romney. You can call me Mitt. I'm an unemployed corporate raider and creative destructionist living off the crumbs of my interest and dividend income. When the walls of my quiet room start closing in on me I get restless. That's when I walk the streets. The real streets of America. The mean streets. The gritty, rain-soaked streets where danger in the form of modest hikes in tax rates on the wealthy lurk around every corner. I've seen things on those hard, raw streets that would send your investment portfolio running into the warm embrace of T-bills. I wear adventure slacks. I am the wind. I like being able to fire people. But mostly…I walk the real streets of America. Watch me: [Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!] Wheee!!!
CHEERS to good eatin'. On this date in 1922, Christian Nelson of Iowa patented Eskimo Pie. But before you can have any you first have to finish your fava beans and pop the cork on a nice chianti.
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Five years ago in C&J: January 24, 2007—Bush's State of the Union:
CHEERS to a certain silence. During his State of the Union address, President Bush failed to mention hurricane Katrina last night, which is pretty much unforgivable. But John Aravosis found a few other topics that got deposited in a dustbin at Camp David as well:
Speaking of ignoring, what the hell happened to family values and the social conservatives? Did they get ANYTHING in the entire speech? Abortion, gone. Activist judges, gone. Gay marriage, gone. That's the sleeper shocker of this speech, the utter cleansing of anything that would appeal to the family values crowd. They have truly become the crazy aunt in the attic, to be hidden at all costs.
Let's hope the deadbolts hold for awhile.
CHEERS to historic firsts. The classiest moment of the speech actually put a lump in my throat, when President Bush welcomed Nancy Pelosi:
Tonight, I have a high privilege and distinct honor of my own---as the first President to begin the State of the Union message with these words: Madam Speaker. In his day, the late Congressman Thomas D’Alesandro, Jr., from Baltimore, Maryland, saw Presidents Roosevelt and Truman at this rostrum. But nothing could compare with the sight of his only daughter, Nancy, presiding tonight as Speaker of the House of Representatives. Congratulations.
Just this once, my snark gun remains holstered.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the suds of our lives. Last year Kossack PBen made C&J aware that, on January 24, 1935, canned beer made its debut in Richmond, Virginia:
In partnership with the American Can Company, the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company delivered 2,000 cans of Krueger's Finest Beer and Krueger's Cream Ale to faithful Krueger drinkers in Richmond, Virginia. Ninety-one percent of the drinkers approved of the canned beer, driving Krueger to give the green light to further production.
Meanwhile, as we're traipsing through the amber waves of grain, Draft magazine is out with its annual list of the 100 Best Beer Bars in America. Three of them are located here in Maine, including (shameless plug!) The Great Lost Bear, which is within staggering distance from our house, plus Novare Res Bier Cafe in Portland's Old Port, and Ebenezer's Pub in Lovell. By the way, I just finished reading Atlas Chugged, and I've taken its message to heart. Tonight's the night I ditch the cabernet and "go malt!"
I'm here this morning to announce…that the state of our Tuesday is STRONG! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Bill in Portland Maine critic Rand Paul has run-in with…Bill in Portland Maine
---NBC News
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