Message from the Holy See:
Obama must be stopped from destroying the control the Catholic Church has over the private lives of Catholic and non-Catholic employees working in our Hospitals and Schools. All lovers of Freedom of Religion must continue our fight to insure that no one working at Catholic schools and hospitals have access to birth control, sterilization or abortion products.
We must also encourage all Catholics to elect a Republican President who will pass laws and appoint judges to reverse Roe v Wade, make gay sexual acts illegal, and ensure that America is a Christian Country. The Catholic Church must be allowed to dictate morality to woman and stop them from enjoying their bodies, their sexuality.
Stopping Obama’s intervention is just the beginning. To insure our religious freedom and our ability to retain our catholic values, I demand that we insure that all people employed by the Church must meet our standards of purity.
I hereby proclaim that all employees who work at any Catholic institution pledge to observe the following four edicts. If they fail to obey these rules, God will be angry and destroy the world. God’s Will must be obeyed without exception. The four rules are meant for Catholics as well as non-Catholics, as all of us are sinners and may lapse from God’s teaching.
There are extreme punishments for any employee who strays from these rules which are God’s truths. Once a person is employed by any Catholic organization they relinquish any personal rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. They must sacrifice all personal freedoms and privacy to the Church and its superior claims to religious domination as framed within the American Constitution. Any deviation from the edicts listed below will result in immediate dismissal. All individuals who are fired will be banned from any church employment throughout the world for eternity.
Here are the edicts for all employees of the Catholic Church.
Edict One: All employees must never use any birth control methods with the exception of the Rhythm Method.
Edict Two: All employees must never become sterile so that they may enjoy sex without the risk of pregnancy.
Edict Three: Women employees must never have abortions, not even if they are the victim of rape or incest.
Edict Four: All pregnant women employees must inform their doctors that the life of their unborn child is the priority and if the doctor must choose between the life of the unborn child and their life, they must save the child.
To summarize: The Religious Constitutional Rights of the Church are of paramount importance above all other concerns. All employees of Catholic Institutions must forsake their own personal rights and freedoms. The Catholic Church may then gloriously ascend to control the world again, just as it did in the fifteenth century.
I bless all my obeying children. All others must burn in Hell.
The Holy See