Cross-posted from The Chicago Dope by the author.
A new study released this week validated what scientists have been saying all along; the Earth’s climatologists are getting increasingly hotter and may be responsible for melting hearts at record levels.
Using hi-resolution imagery, surveys and computer models, researchers have concluded that on average atmospheric scientists have been getting more attractive, and at a faster rate, over the last few decades.
Researchers from the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), The Earth Institute at Columbia University, and the Geology and Environmental Change Science Center (GECSC) located in Denver, CO., have all confirmed that the current field of climate scientists has increased in relative attractiveness by an average of 2.2 points over the last 30 years.
According to Rould Edmundson, a paleoclimatologist from the Department of The Geophysical Sciences at the University of Chicago, the study reflects the growing consensus among scientists that the world’s climatologists are reaching levels of hotness never before seen.
Cambridge geophysicists at last year's UN Climate Change Conference
“At our last United Nations Climate Conference [held in Durban, South Africa] last December, it was painfully clear how sizzling attractive the earth’s climatologists were becoming,” Edmundson said. “I remember saying on more than one occasion ‘is it getting hot in here or is it just the delegation from the Earth Science department at Cambridge University?’”
The data from this study is expected to be presented this May in Boston at the Global Conference on Oceans, Climate and Security in a talk entitled “Why are we such a good looking crowd and how is it impacting environmental governance recommendations?”
Scientists have been studying the Earth’s climatologists and recording their level of sexual attractiveness since as far back as the middle 18th century. Readings have been taken of early weather pioneers such as Benjamin Franklin, who first mapped the course of the Gulf Stream. Early recordings of Franklin– who was reportedly a womanizer –revealed that he was considered to be a “hottie, but in a weird kind of way.”
But it wasn’t until Helmut Landsberg, a renown atmospheric scientist and Director of the U.S. Office of Climatology from 1954-1967, did the world’s climatologists begin to be placed on a measurable ten-point scale. Landsberg was unanimously measured to be “about a five” by fellow researchers during a statistical analysis breakout session at a climate and weather conference in Chicago in 1972. Setting a baseline from which other climatologists could be judged, the Landsberg Scale has since been used to evaluate the relative attractiveness of climatologists with increasing accuracy.
In 1972, the world’s climatologists registered at an average 4.5 on the Landsberg Scale. Since then, the level of smoking hotness has reached sizzling levels, with a considerable spike within recent years. The study revealed that eight of the top ten most attractive climatologists have been active within just the last decade.
The big question is whether this rise is due to anthropogenic, or man-made, sources. Edmundson believes this to be the case.
“Over 30 percent of the increase in global climatologists changes can be attributed to man-made causes,” Edmundson said, pointing to the fact that nearly a third of all scientists within this field have undergone some form of plastic surgery.
“Half of all oceanographers have had breast implants,” said a very youthful-looking 60-year old Edmundson who admits that he’s had “some work done around eyes and neck area.” Edmundson also attests that tummy tucks and butt-lifts seem to be the all the rage among the geophysicists these days.
Despite the near universal acceptance by the world’s leading scientists and a convergence of evidence coming from all areas of scientific inquiry, detractors remain. Claims of hotter climatologists have not convinced skeptics like Roger Matthews, an engineering professor also at the University of Chicago.
“Look, 30 years ago alarmists were arguing that climatologists’ appearances were steadily declining, would reach ‘physicist’ levels of homeliness and that this was some sort of crisis in their field,” explained Matthews. “I’ve looked around our environmental department here at UIC and I can tell you that they are nothing to get excited about. You would have to tie LGA2011 motherboard around most of their necks so that even the computer scientists would go near them.”
But the scientific community stands by its data. “This doesn’t mean that you won’t find an ugly atmospheric scientist,” Edmundson countered. “We are dealing with averages, mind you. The facts are clear. We are, as a whole, a really good looking group, and we are only getting hotter. The sooner we all come to grips with that the better.”
Modified Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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