Tired of all the war in Waziristan?
Taliban a little too crazy and religious for your taste?
Sounds like you need . . . "CIA's Heart and Mind-O-Matic!"
Commonly called "drones," the Heart and Mind-O-Matic is designed for innocent villagers like yourself.
If you're caught in the middle, the Heart and Mind-O-Matic will make you absolutely certain which side you're on!
We'll win you over by:
-Bombing your village!
-Killing your family.
-And bombing the funeral!
Sure, the Taliban is crazy, but can they do this?
Wait for it . . . wait for it . . .
Rebublican-invented, Democrat-perfected, the Heart and Mind-O-Matic spreads hearts and minds all over the region!
And, with built-in CIA Constitutional Cloaking technology, the Heart and Mind-O-Matic is virtually invisible in America, so you can enjoy the benefits day, after day, after day.
Makes war easier, spreads it around the globe!
Let the Heart and Mind-O-Matic make you absolutely certain which side you're on.
Ours, right? Rrright?
(The Heart and Mind-O-Matic is available in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen and other select countries. If you're in the USA, all preceding information must be erased from your hard drive, memory and consciousness.)