"Mommy, why is she so fat??"
"You are the wrong color!!"
"Look Mommy She has a cool arm! Is she a robot?"
"Mommy what happened to him? Why is he in that chair?" "Can I have a chair like that?"
My children ...say the darndest things. But I have heard children say the same thing to me … or rather about me. Their mother or father would quickly hush the little darlings up and be either very embarrassed or apologetic. I do not know about other people with "differences" or "Disabilities" but it's the parents who irk me much more than any kid.
I invite you to peek into my life, follow below the fold...
When I was very little I lived in Pennsylvania - (tons of snow) and we wore boots to school but had to change into shoes to get to our class - our boots would be in the hall. I remember first grade - right by the front doors and all the kids would go past, most staring, some asking - what's wrong with her? As my sister helped me take off my boots and helped me put on my shoes. My sister would sometimes say - she has a fake leg and needs some help with her boots, but I had a better answer ... I would tell them: "I was born early, and God just wasn't done with me." Wow ... I couldn't have said a truer thing!
Growing up I was always out going and had so much patience for people who stared, or asked questions about my condition. What I hated was those who treated me like I had something they could get - like a disease. When I was 6 I took ballet ... and piano (As a woman with only 3 fingers on each hand - I have to ask ... Don't all those extra fingers get in your way??)
My mom and dad brought me up without trying to limit me. I am eternally grateful for that. I competed vocally in high school and went on to college and got my BSN (nursing) and MEd (Educator). I don't really think much about my disability much. It's just a part of my life, just like my hair is brown and always wishing I could lose weight ... pretty normal ... I have 5 kids and I am a single mom ... no easy task for any woman. Sometimes though - I take a moment and thank God for my disabilities ... quite sincerely and humbly. I like who I am, and I think being born the way I was had a great impact on my outlook on life.
When my son asked me "Mommy, why is she so fat??" I squatted down to his 4 year old level and said "I am not sure honey - sometimes it's because they eat too much and don't get enough exercise like Mommy, but sometimes they have a disease that makes it really hard to lose weight" to which he would simply say .. "Oh ..." I would see the person looking at my son then look at me ... I do not know if my answer offended them or not. But to my thinking - if they have a problem with me trying to teach my son the truth and to see them as a person and see the issues they might have ... than they are the ones with the problem, not me or my son.
I will never forget when my 6 year old Autistic son said to an "African American" lady, "You are the wrong color!!" She laughed and said "I am?" He said more profoundly, "You are the wrong color!" I was a little dismayed at this point ... I had no idea where he would have gotten such a notion, but soon it was made clear to me. He pointed to her black sweater and said "Seeeeee?? You aren't this color!!" Finally I got it - and I said to him "Joshua, you are not white either." This may have been the wrong thing to say to him ... because he was immediately offended. "I am so white!!"he demanded with all the strength he could muster. I said "No honey, you aren't." well it took him a moment and a few "I am so white!!" before he could calm down enough for me to point to a white sheet of paper ... "See," I said, “You aren't this color." He looked at the paper a little confused. "You are more of a milky peach color." to which he looked at me and then sniffed himself. "Mommy I don't smell like peaches!" I smiled at him and said honey we all come from the earth and we are all a shade of brown." That was a little too much for him. "I am not brown! I'm white!" I said "No ... You are not as dark as this woman, see, she isn't black like her sweater, but she is a dark brown, and you are a very light shade of brown, but not white." At last he got it and the woman was beaming, delighted in our conversation. He was finally at peace with it. He then asked the woman why she was in a wheel chair. It was an interesting afternoon waiting at the child support office...
I thought when my oldest son saw someone with an artificial arm and said "Look Mommy She has a cool arm! Is she a robot?" I had heard it all. The woman was sitting at McDonalds and heard it and smiled. She showed how her arm and hand worked. He was delighted and I was interested too. I was interested in how it all worked ... Jonathan walked away saying "Man, I wish I had one of those!" "No honey, you don't" I said giving the woman a knowing smile.
"Mommy what happened to him? Why is he in that chair?" "Can I have a chair like that?"
To this I answered, "I don't know honey - why don't you ask him" We were waiting at a Dr.’s office or something, but I watched from a small distance as my son went up to him and asked his questions. He would run back to me and tell me matter of factly, why the man was in a wheel chair. I asked him - "Do you need a chair like him?" ... "No..." he said. "I don't think you would want to have to be in that kind of chair all the time, would you?" I asked him looking at him with that knowing look. He looked over at the man with a sad look on his face and said "He is in that chair all the time?" Probably most of the time.” I said. He went over to the man and gave him a hug saying that he was sorry he was in that chair. The man gave him a hug and re-assured my son.
My life is a little different from most I guess, but not too much. We all have our own issues and struggles in this life. Where some grandmas look at their granddaughter trying to wear their high heeled shoes, I laugh in delight when my granddaughter tries to put on my leg. It's all a matter of perspective I guess. I feel much more compassion for those who had a "normal life" and lost it. This is all I have ever known. I am just me. I am not anyone special, I am just whatGodmade ... and thankful for it.