MADISON, WISCONSIN—Wisconsin’s embattled Governor, Scott Walker, vowed Friday not to let the successful recall drive against him hinder his fight to “bring this great State of ours to the edge of fiscal and economic ruin.”
“Our reforms have managed to consistently place Wisconsin in the bottom of national statistics for new job creation and economic development,” Walker stated. “This is not the time to deviate from that course, now that our goal of total financial ruin is so close.”
Walker pointed to a number of policies enacted since he took office that he claims helped get Wisconsin to its current state of economic collapse, including refusing millions of dollars from the federal government for high speed rail, slashing education and local government budgets, and denying thousands access to health insurance.
“But there’s a lot left to do,” Walker added. “We still have critical state-level issues we need to address, like outlawing contraception, building even more puppy mills, and instituting the second prong of my conceal-and-carry legislation, the 'shoot-to-kill' exception for The Gays, before we can declare victory in the battle against the middle class.”
Walker spokesperson Cullen Werwie later released a press statement appending the Governor's comments: “We have a chance in the next three years to finally return Wisconsin to the neo-Dickensian winner-take-all society of the mid-19th century, where unions were outlawed, 11-year olds were put to work, and women were forbidden to wear pants.”
“God willing, with Governor Walker at the helm and millions of dollars in funding from out of state business interests in our pockets, we’ll get there again,” Werwie added.
Cross Posted at The Smew