I just thought I would update everyone on the latest bit of silly goofiness that the Arizona State legislature is proposing. You all know some of the other goofy little laws that have been passed here...that SB1070 law that helps Mexican and other non-Arizonans pack and move to better places...some new laws that will make the lives of happy workers better by eliminating their need to pay union dues. Well guess what folks, I am super excited to say that there is another new law being proposed, one that will directly effect me.
This new law is a real whipper-snapper of an idea. The cool new law will mandate that all teachers--even university teachers like myself--in the state of Arizona must follow the FCC guidelines on obscenity, indecency and profanity. The best part is that it is written so spiffily that it actually applies all the time, not just when I am in a classroom. And let me say, I am so gosh darn angry about it, I just want to go kick those legislators in the behind and tell them to go fudge themselves.
This law is just such a bowl of sugar that I think I'll let you read it yourself.
Be it enacted by the Legislature of the State of Arizona:The most bull-do-do portion of the bill is this. It doesn't say that teachers must obey FCC rules in the classroom...it says "a person who provides classroom instruction in a public school." I do that...so in theory I need to follow FCC rules all the gosh-darn time. As written, even at home with my wife, I am gonna need to keep it all PG rated. I guess we're gonna need to buy two single beds that we can place side-by-side, and I am gonna need to buy some pajamas. That just sounds ducky, doesn't it?
Section 1. Title 15, chapter 1, article 1, Arizona Revised Statutes, is amended by adding section 15-108, to read:
15-108. Public classrooms; compliance with federal standards for media broadcasts concerning obscenity, indecency and profanity; violations; definition
A. If a person who provides classroom instruction in a public school engages in speech or conduct that would violate the standards adopted by the federal communications commission concerning obscenity, indecency and profanity if that speech or conduct were broadcast on television or radio:
1. For the first occurrence, the school shall suspend the person, at a minimum, for one week of employment, and the person shall not receive any compensation for the duration of the suspension. This paragraph does not prohibit a school after the first occurrence from suspending the person for a longer duration or terminating the employment of that person.
2. For the second occurrence, the school shall suspend the person, at a minimum, for two weeks of employment, and the person shall not receive any compensation for the duration of the suspension. This paragraph does not prohibit a school after the second occurrence from suspending the person for a longer duration or terminating the employment of that person.
3. For the third occurrence, the school shall terminate the employment of the person. This paragraph does not prohibit a school after the first or second occurrence from terminating the employment of that person.
B. For the purposes of this section, "public school" means a public preschool program, a public elementary school, a public junior high school, a public middle school, a public high school, a public vocational education program, a public community college or a public university in this state.
As a college professor who teaches about human sexuality, race and other 'difficult' subjects, I will be completely fudged if I use the wrong language in my classes. No more talking about the historical and linguistic uses of the n-word, or any other expletive. No more of those exposed boobies in any artwork. Basically, my classes are gonna be about as daring as your average episode of Glee.
Well, Suger, Urine, Fudge, Vjay-jay, oral sex on a man, person who has sex with their mother, and mammaries. I guess I am gonna need to change the way I speak. Cause my graduate students don't need me to teach them any naughty words or talk about naughty things.
At least I can still show images of people getting their fudging heads blown across the wall behind them or their fingers being crushed in a vice--cause that's all FCC approved.
The FCC has defined broadcast indecency as “language or material that, in context, depicts or describes, in terms patently offensive as measured by contemporary community standards for the broadcast medium, sexual or excretory organs or activities.