How many of you guys have seen "8 Mile", the blistering Eminem quasi-biopic from 2002? It's actually an amazingly good movie. Yes, I know how homophobic and misogynistic he is, but there's no denying that he did an amazing job of playing, well, essentially himself in the film.
Anyway, this isn't about Eminem or his character "Rabbit" from the movie. This is about another character in the film--a fellow wannabe rapper named Papa Doc.
For those who've seen the film (or those who don't mind seeing a key scene from the end of the movie), here's the classic final rap battle scene. The setup is that Rabbit has just found out, shortly before the rap battle, that Papa Doc plans on using his rap to reveal every embarrassing, humiliating fact about Rabbit's life--his trailer trash mom who's sleeping with a former schoolmate of his; his girlfriend cheating on him with his manager; him recently getting the shit beaten out of him; etc etc. Rabbit decides to turn the tables by self-deprecating himself before Papa Doc can do so.
Lyrics after the clip:
Now everybody from the 313
Put your muthafuckin' hands up and follow me
Everybody from the 313
Put your muthafuckin' hands up
Look Look
Now while he tries to stand tough
Notice that this man did not have his hands up
This free worlds got you gassed up
Now who's afraid of the big bad wolf
1, 2, 3 and to the 4
1 Pac , 2 Pac, 3 Pac, 4
4 Pac, 3 Pac, 2 Pac, 1
You're Pac, He's Pac, No Pac, None!
This guy aint no muthafuckin MC
I know everything he's got to say against me
I am white
I am a fuckin bum
I do live in a trailer with my mom
My boy Future is an Uncle Tom
I do got a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob
Who shoots himself in the leg with his own gun
I did get jumped by all 6 of you chumps
And Wink did fuck my girl
I'm still standin here screamin fuck tha free world!!
Don't ever try to judge me dude
You don't know what the fuck i've been through
But i know something about you!
You went to Cranbrook that's a private school
What's the matter dawg? You embarrassed?
This guy's a gangsta but his real name's Clarence
And Clarence lives at home with both parents
And Clarence's parents have a real good marriage
This guy don't wanna battle he shook
Koz there aint no such thang as HALF WAY CROOKS!!
He's scared to death
He's scared to look in his fuckin yearbook fuck Cranbrook
Fuck the beat i go acapella
Fuck a Papa Doc, fuck a clock, fuck a trailer, fuck everybody
Fuck y'all if you doubt me
I'm a piece of fucking white trash, i say it proudly
And fuck this battle
I don't wanna win
I'm outty
Here tell these people somethin’ they dont know about me
"313" refers to the area code for the bulk of Detroit proper; the prestigious private Cranbrook school is in Bloomfield Hills, which is in the 248 area code.
So, why am I bringing this up?
Because Mitt Romney--Mr. Bain Capital, Mr. 0.1%er, Mr. Massachusetts Morman, Mr. $10,000 Bet, Mr. Attended Cranbrook in Bloomfield Hills, one of the 5 wealthiest cities in the United States, Mr. Hasn't Lived in Michigan since he left for Brigham Young University...is now trying to claim that he's a "Native Detroiter".
I am a son of Detroit. I was born in Harper Hospital and lived in the city until my family moved to Oakland County...
...Their dream is alive in all of us who have ever called Detroit home. And with a Detroiter in the White House, that dream can be realized once again.
I grew up in Bloomfield Township, which surrounds Bloomfield Hills (the Township is still fairly wealthy, but is an order of magnitude less wealthy than the city itself), lived there for 23 years before moving out...and moved back here 2 years ago with my own family for the great (PUBLIC) schools. Hell, I even attended high school with Mitt's nephew, George Romney Jr. (he's actually George's grandson, not his son...but whatever).
Bloomfield Township--and Bloomfield Hills--are near Detroit; about 10 miles north of the 8 Mile line. Together, Oakland, Macomb and Wayne County (which houses Detroit) are indeed referred to as the "Metro Detroit Area". And yes, in the years between moving out and moving back in, I did live for a time in Eminem's hometown of Warren as well as Westland, both of which are considerably downscale from Bloomfield.
However, never in my wildest dreams would I define myself as a "native Detroiter". Bloomfield Hills has about as much in common with the city of Detroit as Mitt Romney has with, oh, I don't know...one of the undocumented laborers who used to (until recently, since he's running for President, for Pete's sake!) work as his gardener.
Mitt Romney: Poser Extraordinaire.
"Who Let the Dogs Out" indeed. Asshole.