Apart from my day job, I help my family run a small cafe in the small town where I grew up. I live in a city-sized college town about a half hour away, but I still drive back to my hometown a couple times a week to help out with the cafe. It's a lot for a 40-year-old single dad, but it's what I do.
As soon as my family bought the place, I put a small but visible LGBT Pride flag in the front window. My brother and I thought this might cause some friction with our very religious mother, but nobody said a word about it, and the flag stayed up. I bought extras in case some of our small towns ultra-conservatives decided to tear it down, but the spares stayed in my bag.
A few months later, I saw that the flag had been taken down. I found out secondhand that one of our customers - an old and fairly close family friend with a gay son my age - had asked my mother why we had a pride flag in our window. Mom stammered, pleaded ignorance, changed the subject, and quietly pulled the flag out of the window.
Below the fold is an e-mail I sent to our mom, my brother, our business partner, and the friend who asked. Names have been changed to obscure the guilty. How does the story end? I don't know; I just send the e-mail tonight. We'll see...
Why our store flies a Pride flag - Part 1
I grew up in this little town and graduated from our local High School. But not all of my classmates lived long enough to graduate with me. Some of them died tragically in accidents that weren't their fault. A handful died accidentally doing things they shouldn't have done.
And some took their own lives. Those are the ones that stick with me the most. I don't know what personal demons lead ANYONE to suicide, and I'll never pretend to understand or judge. But when I see what amazing things have happened to my friends since we graduated, it seems even more tragic to know that some of us couldn't see their way through to life beyond high school.
This town has been raising Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual kids for as long as any of us have been around. It's a small town with what we call "old-fashioned" values, which means we haven't treated our LGBT kids particularly well. We know they've been teased and harassed by their classmates, they've been shunned or silenced by their families, and they've been closted or condemned by their churches. Many of them have left town - they've moved on to places that are more caring and welcoming. A few have stuck around - but they're apparently only welcomed as long as we pretend they're not "the G-A-Y".
There's a good conversation to be had about whether this is a Christian way to treat people, but the fact is it's how our town has treated people.
We know that things have gotten easier for LGBT kids since I roamed the CHS "hallways". Across all demographics, kids under 30 overwhelmingly support their gay, lesbian, and bi peers. But young Americans' families, churches, and small towns have not yet caught up with acceptance and support.
We know that the increasing support of their peers does not always make up for the pressure LGBT kids feel from their families and small towns. In the past few years, suicides among LGBT kids have been in the news nationwide. (For one of the toughest articles I've ever read, see http://www.rollingstone.com/...). In some ways these suicides seem particularly tragic, since the active rejection of their families and communities may be contributing to these kids' deaths.
This town has gotten better in the last 25 years. But I still wonder what it's like for kids growing up here. Does a 16-year-old gay student feel supported by his community, or does he feel condemned and rejected? Does a lesbian teenager (and yes, we have them) look at this town and feel that she's welcomed here, or does our town give give the impression we think we'd be better off without her?
I don't know. I don't know how this town looks to someone who walks down Main Street and wonders whether they're loved and welcomed. Do they see people who want them around, or do they see a town that would rather be rid of them? And, goodness forbid, if this is a kid wondering if they're strong enough to make it through high school... is there anything here to tell them that this town thinks they're worth something?
If they walk past our shop, they will. As long as I work at Ellie's, there will be a Pride Flag in our front window. Our LGBT neighbors, their friends and allies, and out same-sex couples will be welcomed in our shop, and we'll do our level best to tempt them to enjoy our fabulous burgers, ice cream, coffee, and chocolate. And we'll use our flag to advertise that we're a safe and welcoming place for everyone.
In case anyone was wondering. :)