*******Triggering
Access is key to successful pedophilia. And my grandfather was pretty slick. My parents would take us to the lake every weekend. We had a place two doors down from my grandparents. His access was familial - trusted - grandparent - right? And my parents would take advantage of that relationship and proximity and have us spend the night with Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw at least one night every weekend.
Phase 2 of grooming took place in the bathtub. When we would spend the night, we had nap time and bed time - and before both times, there was bath time. Paw-Paw always volunteered to bathe us. To this day I can't stomach the smell of Irish Spring - that is what he would use to lather us up. To "prep" us - I can still feel the soap in his hands as he pulled it between my legs...wanted to make sure we were extra clean.
They had two rooms, and insisted on separating us when we went to sleep, otherwise we would giggle and laugh and never fall asleep. After tucking us in, they would both go outside to work in the garden or shell peas or shuck corn...but inevitably, the sliding glass door would open and close and I would hear his heavy footsteps in the hallway.
I remember burying myself in the covers, praying that he was just getting a drink, or just going to the bathroom, or that he would stop at the other door, praying that today it was her day, and not mine. But my heart would sink as I heard the creak of his bedroom door open.
He would pull me to the end of the bed and push my nightgown up. And I remember squeezing my eyes shut, trying to block out what was happening, what always happened. I would hum in my head to block out the sounds, I would clench my fists and beg my body not to react. I would feel the tears sliding down the corners of my eyes, pooling in my ears...But I never made a sound. I had learned not to.
It always ended when the sliding door would be opened (Maw-Maw always wanted him to put some WD 40 in there so it wouldn't be so loud...but he never did). He would quickly get up off the bed and go into the bathroom attached to his room. He would always exit out the other side so it looked like he was just in the restroom - not in the master where I was "napping." And I would die a little bit more every time.
How many times does a woman have to see her husband "conveniently" pulling up his pants walking out of the restroom connected to where his granddaughter is taking a nap to get it?
If you are being sexually abused, you are not alone.
How to get help:
Tell someone you trust - a parent, relative, teacher, principal, counselor, minister.
You are not alone. You can escape.
Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE (4673).
WE WILL BELIEVE YOU
Literature Review
An estimated 1 in 20 cases of child sexual abuse is reported or identified
Typically, pedophiles engage in fondling and genital manipulation more than intercourse, with the exceptions occurring in cases of incest, of pedophiles with a preference for older children or adolescents, and when children are physically coerced.
Another common pedophilic specifier is whether the abused children are limited to family members (ie, incest). Federal data show that 27% of all sexual offenders assaulted family members. Fifty percent of offenses committed against children younger than 6 years were committed by a family member, as were 42% of acts committed against children 6 to 11 years old and 24% against children 12 to 17 years old. The study by Abel and Harlow found that 68% of “child molesters” had molested a family member; 30% had molested a stepchild, a foster child, or an adopted child; 19% had molested 1 or more of their biologic children; 18% had molested a niece or nephew; and 5% had molested a grandchild.
For nonparental incest and nonviolent incidences of pedophilia, the child knows the offender (eg, neighbor, relative, family friend, or local individual with authority) an estimated 60% to 70% of the time. Pedophiles often intentionally try to place themselves in a position where they can meet children and have the opportunity to interact with children in an unsupervised way, such as when babysitting, doing volunteer work, doing hobbies, or coaching sports
Individuals in the Canadian study by Bagley et al, who experienced long-term abuse, reported abuse starting at an earlier age (8.2 years on average compared with 11.5 years for single abuse) and were more likely to be abused by a parental figure such as a stepfather or neighbor. Female and younger children are often molested in their own home or the residence of the offender, whereas male and older children are most likely to be molested outside their home in locations such as roadways, fields or woods, schools, or motels or hotels.
Generally, abused children experience the greatest psychological damage when the abuse occurs from father figures (close neighbors, priests or ministers, coaches) or involves force and/or genital contact. The specific long-term effects on abused children as they grow into adulthood are difficult to predict. Some individuals adapt and have a higher degree of resilience, whereas others are profoundly and negatively changed
No treatment for pedophilia is effective unless the pedophile is willing to engage in the treatment. Individuals can offend again while in active psychotherapy, while receiving pharmacologic treatment, and even after castration.