I sit in my bed after an exhausting few days to sit down and thank a community... an extended family ... and my mind is blank. I look down at my son sleeping ... finally after such a scary experience.
I know he isn't himself yet. I will still have to go through more and more appointments to get him back to "normal" - more like managable and safer.
How can I thank a community that is becomming more and more like family?
Come and read on as I try to explain what happened and what may be in our future.
"Joshua is a very special child. He has so many issues and complications" Heather said to me. (Heather is the nurse at Joshua's school) "I am very concerned," she continued "he would be smiling and full of joy one moment and then about to cry in the next, but we would all smile at him and he would start to giggle. He can't seem to control his emotions at all and he acts out so impulsively. He really WANTS to be good and please, but he can't control himself and it's getting him very frustrated. He's such a loving little boy and we all love Joshua. He is becoming so much more aggressive" she said with concern in her voice "and I'm really worried about him. He's spiraling out of control." He had only been on the Strattera for about a week and tomorrow I was supposed to double the dose from one pill a day to two pills a day. How is that going to affect my baby? Then Heather said something that concerned me greatly "Has he ever had a neurological exam?" "No, why?" I answered. "Well," she said "he was just an infant at 5 months old when he had the open heart surgery. He had to have anesthesia. That can sometimes cause neurological damage in infants." I think for about 5 seconds my heart stopped beating ... and I remembered what his Occupational Therapist said. He could not track objects with his eyes, but moved his whole head. This causes problems with his reading. This is part of a neurological exam and is an abnormality. What else may be wrong with my baby? I called Kelly, Joshua's case manager and she suggested that I take him to the CSU and have him evaluated to be baker acted. That night Joshua had gotten very upset and started throwing out his toys ... He said he didn't want them anymore. This seemed like a warning sign to me ... Josh would never throw out all of his toys. He really wasn't thinking right and may be very very depressed.
The next morning I went to Meridian CSU in Gainesville FL and had to wait for the receptionist to unlock the door so I could get into the locked down facility. Josh was highly agitated. He was more hyper than I had ever seen him. The intake woman came out with a clipboard and started to ask me questions. We were still in the main lobby, it was small and there were no chairs. I thought - isn't there somewhere that we could go and sit down to discuss all this? Kelly was supposed to meet me here, but she called me on my cell phone. I answered it and allowed the intake woman to talk to her on the phone - after all it was Kelly that suggested I come here. The intake woman went to go sit in a quiet room next to the main lobby so she could talk to her on the phone. When she was done she came out and started to interview me again. I had to request that maybe we could sit in that room to talk? And then she allowed us to sit down to talk.
In that small room Joshua was literally bouncing off the walls and would not sit down for a solid 60 seconds. He would turn the lights on and off ... Communication was next to impossible and after a few times where she would leave and speak to a supervisor then come back and talk to me. She was telling me because his actions were not witnessed he could not be baker acted. Funny how things worked out, within 2 minutes of her saying that he hit me across the face with all the might he could muster. He not only knocked off my glasses but broke them by having the frames bent and twisted so they could not fit on my face. Tears streamed down my face ... "Joshua why did you hit me?" he said he was very angry with me that he had to have open heart surgery. I was shocked. That came out of the blue; the tears came because I could not see my little boy in the face of the child in front of me. My son has impulse issues, but he sincerely wants to be a good boy and would usually instantly be sorry when he did something wrong. This child in front of me looked at me with anger and when he did stop with anger in his eyes, it was not replaced with remorse. It was defiance. It took him over 5 minutes to apologies, and still his face did not look sincere. Where is my baby? Tears continued to fall and I knew my son needed more help than I had realized.
The intake worker came back out and said I am sorry he has a medication issue and we cannot help you. I looked at her incredulous. WHAT?!?! Later I came to find out that she did not understand what I was trying to tell her (maybe due to all the distractions??) I told her my son was on Ritalin but it was causing him to have chest pains so the new doctor put him on Strattera and this was causing him to act more out of control than before he was ever on any medication. She thought I was telling her his current medication was causing him chest pain. That was why she would not even examine my son to see if he needed baker acted. I left there so angry!! I was begging for help for my little boy and they turned me away without so much as even really looking at him.
As I was driving to take Joshua to his school I called up Vetwife. I was in tears and I think scared her because I was so angry and upset. She said to me "I understand Michelle- I have to deal with this every time I go to the VA." I took Joshua to the school and talked to Nurse Heather ... She was very upset as well and handed me the number of the person in charge over DCF that is responsible for these issues. Then I talked to Officer Parker - the school Resource officer. I did not know she had been trying to baker-act him (involuntary admittance to a psychiatric ward because they are a danger to themselves or to others) but he had been just under that fine line and her supervisor could not allow her to enact it- it wouldn't stick. Heather again reassured me saying "Honey it takes a village to raise a Joshua"
I got a call about 3 hours later from Heather - Joshua was ok - but he had been baker-acted by Officer Parker. He had tried to beat-up (punching) 3 little boys and went AWOL from his PE class. He then tried to climb the perimeter fence which would put him right on a busy street and into traffic. I picked up his Teddy Bear and headed back to the CSU.
This time I was interviewed by the same woman but this time when she interviewed me, it was done completely and in a quiet environment this time while Joshua was left alone in a room with a woman behind windows to supervise him. It was a true interview compared to the one this morning – she had much more information to write down. She told me that visiting hours were 5-6pm (they are actually 5:30 to 6:30 pm) and said I could visit with Joshua tonight. (This is against their policy – he cannot be seen until after being seen by a psychiatrist.)
I left early - around 4:30 after at least being able to explain to my son what was going to happen and watching him cry and beg me not to leave him there ... I had no choice I told him - I have to go. I couldn't go home yet ... I went to the Bo-Diddly park and just sat down ... God where are you?? I could not feel any reassurance. I felt like I had to walk on faith and not sight at this point and I went home resolved in the fact that I would have to walk this alone. Imagine my surprise when not more than 2 minutes after I walked in the door I got a call from Vetwife. She wanted my permission to get help for me. Shoot... I didn't see what help I could get so I said sure ... could use all the prayers and well wishes I could get. I had no idea what was about to unfold. I was feeling so alone and not knowing what I would do. Then everything started happening!! Vetwife did not sleep at all that night because she was keeping up with Dr Erich's diaryabout helping me.
While I was thanking everyone on Daily Kos, I got a call sometime around 11pm (not positive of the exact time) and the nurse (I assume he was a nurse) called me to tell me Joshua had deliberately peed his pants and was put in a hospital gown. He started flashing both staff and patients. It was disturbing to the patients so the Dr. on call told them to put Joshua into isolation. At the time of the phone call Joshua had settled down and was close to sleep.
I was called a little after 10:30 am on 2-17-12 saying Joshua was being released by Dr. Green – he had not even been there for 24 hours. The only thing done was stop the Strattera. I was told to resume out-patient medications. Dr. Green did not do anything to change my son’s safety. If anything by discharging him so soon, I feel my son is in just as much in danger now as he was the night before. The nurse told me Dr. Green preferred the out-patient Dr. to regulate Joshua’s medications.
The discharge nurse (Ms. Hughs) brought my son out in sox and he was holding his shoes. The ground was wet from the rain earlier that morning. I was not brought into the facility to sit down to discuss Joshua’s discharge. She brought him outside to me. I was more than a little surprised by this. What medical facility does this? I asked her about Joshua’s medications – had he been given his medications this morning? She couldn’t remember off hand but she was sure she gave him his medications as ordered by the Dr. Again I was thinking - if this woman took me into the facility and had the chart there she could tell me exactly what happened. I found out that Joshua was not given his Risperidone at night or in the morning. Ms. Hughs (on the phone at 4:10 pm on 2-17-12) told me that until the Dr. sees the patient all medications are withheld. They cannot give them any medications until the Dr. gives those orders. From the discharge orders – he was to resume his out-patient meds but stop Strattera. The CSU had his Risperidone … so apparently she did not follow orders since it was never given to him. From the very little bit of interaction I had gotten from the staff I was NOT impressed.
I took Joshua back to the school and came home with a fresh determination. I wrote a letter to as many as I could find that might help this disturbing issue. This was what I wrote. Vetwife said lilbear recommends keeping the points brief or they won't read it. I took lilbear's advice.
My name is Michelle Bickers. My son is Joshua Bickers. He is 6 years old and was baker-acted into the CSU in Gainesville, FL. on 2-16-12. I have many concerns about his care through Meridian and the CSU unit there.
• On 2-16-12 around 10 am, I was not interviewed in a quiet environment – there was much distractions which hindered communication
• Despite the interviewer witnessing my son’s violent outburst – he slapped me in the face – he was not given a complete evaluation and I was told they could not help me
• 3 hours later my son was taken to CSU by police and Baker Acted due to punching 3 children, going AWOL from PE and trying to climb an outside fence into traffic.
• I went to the CSU around 3:45 and was told by intake visiting hours are 5-6 and that I could visit with my son that night – Visiting hours are 5:30 to 6:30 and it is against policy to allow a patient to be seen until after seen by a psychiatrist.
• I was called around 10:30 am on 2-17-12 saying my son was being discharged by Dr. Green that morning, despite having been put into isolation the night before due to inappropriate behavior.
• The discharge nurse, Ms. Hughs, brought my son outside the facility for me to sign the discharge papers. He was in socks despite the wet ground. He was holding his shoes.
• The police had brought a patient in who was acting improperly, and when my son went near the front door to see I called him back and asked the discharge nurse to help me get him as that other patient was not appropriate for children and I was trying to sign the discharge papers (and have an artificial leg and cannot run to get him quickly). She said “No he’s not appropriate for children” adding “He (Joshua) should come when he’s called”. She made no move to physically get him. He did not come until I walked to go get him myself.
• Ms. Hughs could not remember if she had given Joshua his medication (Risperidone) but assured me that if the Dr had ordered him to have meds then she gave them to him. Later around 4pm I called and spoke to Ms. Hughs – she then informed me he was not given his medication though CSU had his medication there. Dr. Green had ordered to resume his medication except the Strattera.
• I asked my son if he got a shower last night or this morning – he said no. He had deliberately peed in his pants last night (one of the things leading up to his isolation).
I feel my son was not given appropriate care. I did not see enough interventions made to justify discharging him without even a full 24 hour observation period. I feel it would be appropriate to file a concern - please investigate and tell me the resolutions for this issue. If there is anyone else you feel that can help in this issue please feel free to FWD this message along to them.
Thank you so much for your attention to this issue. If you wish to contact me you can.
Sincerely,
Michelle Bickers
So far I got one response:
Ms. Bickers
Thank you for letting us know your concerns about your son's stay at the CSU. While we have a separate unit for children, there are certainly times in the common areas where there may be unwanted exposure to behavior of adults who are also in crisis. This is not unlike what one might experience in an emergency department in a hospital.
We will look further into your other concerns and I am more than willing to discuss them with you after I have had an opportunity to review your son's care.
I hope he is doing well and you will follow up with outpatient services to address his needs.
Dr. Steve Pittman
Chief Operating Officer.
I started writing this to you on Kos last night but the site was acting up a bit so I just went to bed. I got on this morning to finish it and started talking to Vetwife again. She started talking about
Agent Orange in Aniston AL. it was less than 50 miles from us when we lived in Carrollton GA. In 2004 is when I was pregnant with Joshua - in 2004 they were burning Agent Orange in Aniston AL - and the winds blow west to east ...
More to look into ...
http://asinglegringainmexico.blogspot.com/...
http://www.cma.army.mil/...
http://www.globalsecurity.org/...
http://www.timesunion.com/...
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/...
I will mention this to the neurologist - I talked to Joshua's pediatrician and explained what was going on and they are looking into referring Joshua to a specialist with regards to the anesthesia he had as an infant.
I also talked to the Shand's psychiatric unit. Unfortunately he would be unable to go to the Shands lock down crisis facility because a child has to be at least 9 years old to go there should this happen again - but she gave me some numbers in Jacksonville that I have to call and check out if he could go there. Here in Gainesville, Medicaid is only taken at the Meridian Psychological services unless you are autistic. Joshua has Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD) which falls in the autism spectrum. When I first got here - I had called them and got on their 6 month waiting list. When I called them to see if they could help me - she could not find Joshua on her list anywhere. She said that she would have called several times if he was on that list. I never got a call. I begged her to at the least put me on that list again. I explained what happened at Meridian and said that I really did not trust them (Meridian) with my son's care. She got me an appointment on the 24th of Feb. So as of right now I have to go to Meridian on Feb 20 (Monday) at 2pm to talk to "Staff" I have no idea who I would talk to there. I have a previous appointment made for Wed. with Dr. Kise - the one who put him on Strattera after seeing him only one time. One of the major problems with Meridian is the huge turnover of psychiatrists and other staff there. I do not know why. But having a different doctor every 4-6 months cannot help the situation there. I had been seeing Dr. Isaac for over 6 months when he had to leave Meridian. I am fortunate that Dr. Isaac works at the Shand's autistic clinic and that is who will see my son on the 24th.
*sigh*
Now to my huge family here at Daily Kos ...
Thank you.
How could I know a group of crazy liberals could be so loving and kind to a stranger they only know by comments and my few little diaries? Tears come freely now... I am so overwhelmed. In one night over $2700 was raised for me and my family ... some gave $100 or more. Most were $5, $10, and $20 .... It all adds up. I will be able to see the grand total from the PayPal account since I am the secretary to Vetwife's United Veteran of America organization. Special thanks to those who sent me the Western Union so I could be able to get to pick up my son that morning. I got a ride from my neighbor Stacy for my appointment Monday - I will be giving her gas money. I will be looking to see if I can find a car with the money sent and I will be looking on Craig’s List and other places for some decent used furniture. I will take pics of what the money was used for and post them here on Kos. I am not going to rush into it but try to find the best deal.
When I was in the church in GA I wound up feeling like a charity case ... but here I feel like an equal and respected. I can't explain it better than that and I appreciate it more than I have the words to say. I had no idea how much stress I was under until I got the hugs and well wishes from my Kossack family. I wasn't alone. I wasn't being judged (as my sister said she had no respect for me because my house got to be a mess).
Vetwife has been an invaluable friend to me. I first met her at a terrible time in her life. I was just there for her to listen to her and help watch her kids. Now she is family that I couldn't live without. Daily Kos has been there for me in a way that I could have never thought possible from a political website. I am completely blown away. I have been taking steps all my life to try to be a better person. I have my BSN but then my life turned into a Jerry Springer show and I still have to get my RN. I have my MEd but cannot teach yet because I have to get initial certification. I went to school in GA and was in my last semester before getting my clearly renewable teaching certification in Biology. But then Joshua started running away from Daycare and school. I dropped out. I moved to Florida with nothing but the clothes I could fit in my car as Vetwife said she thought Gainesville would be a good place for my family and I had a feeling about it ... a leap of faith. With 5 kids and each having their own issues and the only one responsible enough to take care of them having prosthesis and other bone deformities I had to suck it up and keep pushing forward ... But no one can be strong all the time. When I was feeling abandoned and alone during my climb, the Kossacks helped me up, brushed me off and gave me strength to face another day. How can I express that in 2 words?? ("Thank You") You are helping me to be stronger, more informed, a better advocate, and now being there for me and my family ... it's overwhelming!
I am so glad you all were put into my life. We all have our own climb to make. I am glad ya'll are there to help me in mine.
I love you Kossacks!