With the failure of "Operation Hilarity" to take off...
...I propose an alternate strategy for us to take: Operation Singularity.
My solution to the Republican field of yammering mediocrities is to create around each one a gravitational singularity made up of the mass of hypocritical contradictions they have uttered to date all squeezed into the tiny space represented by the compassion within "compassionate conservatism," thus trapping each one in the paradox of his own words, sucking them into separate parallel universes:
(disclaimer: I am a grumpy opponent of so-called "pootie" diaries, but in this case the application of a "pootie" video is strictly academic and in no manner sentimental)
Simple right?
More below the fold.
Star Trek in many ways gives us the basis for this technology. First there is the overwhelming effect lies and paradox have on the simple minded. An early application of this can be found here in the original Star Trek:
Later applications of this technology became the basis of Fox News' success.
I figure if this simple application can work on a robot (at least when employed by James Tiberius Kirk) it can work on a Republican. Their emotional capabilities are similar but the logical capabilities of a Republican are far inferior even to those of this particular robot.
But this application only uses a single lie-based paradox to disable a somewhat dim individual. The sheer mass of the lies told by the Republican candidates opens up a whole new world of paradox based defense.
We all know what happens when you cram enough mass into a small space: a black hole "singularity":
Now we all also know that the creation of a black hole has already been accomplished here on earth thanks to CERN:
Thankfully a little Retcon (B67, patent pending) from Torchwood helped us all forget THAT little fiasco. Whew, that was quite a day, wasn't it?
On a smaller scale Think Geek has applied "Smart Mass" technology to create black holes on a more controlled scale:
So now I figure applying the Liar Paradox of Start Trek on a large enough scale will trap the Republicans in an inescapable gravity well of their own deceit. To do this we can use the "Stupid Mass" of Republican Rhetoric. Compaction of the seemingly infinite flow of Stupid Mass from the orifices of the Republican candidates into the space confined by their "compassion", we can create localized black holes in proximity of each Republican. Then with a Giant Sucking Sound each of the Republican candidates would in turn disappear into their own surreal parallel universe. And the best part is that the more they talk the faster the local build up of Stupid Mass and the faster the singularity would build.
Simple right? To contribute to Operation Singularity please donate $5 here.
Yes, I know, there will be skeptics. Some will say that this technology is not yet ready for use in the 2012 election. I would argue that there was an accidental application of this back in 1973:
Why has this technology of eliminating this universe of Republican lies remained unused since 1973?
Okay so not completely unused:
Sadly in that case the victim of his own lies, Gingrich the Newt, managed to escape before being swallowed by the event horizon. Although there is alternate theory as to how Newt Gingriches are formed:
(please do not HR as "CT"...I am merely "asking questions" here: is a Newt Gingrich produced by black magic?)
And for any who remain skeptical out there, here is an eminent physicist (dare I say celebrity physicist?) discussing Operation Singularity (or at least something having to do with Singularities):
To contribute to Operation Singularity please donate $5 here and see all your Republican troubles go down the drain.
Please spread the word. With your help, Operation Singularity can sweep the nation clean of Republican lies.