Washington, (Hydrant) - After the recent escalation of bizarre remarks from GOP presidential candidate, Rick Santorum, experts are wondering if Donald Trump's hair creature has escaped and is now living in Rick Santorum's rectum. Trump's hair creature has never been successfully identified, but many have suspected it to be an alien being intent on discrediting GOP candidates by possessing them through their most vulnerable organs, and causing them to make incredibly stupid remarks.
CNN's Sanjay Gupta, a famous brain surgeon, has suggested an alternate hypothesis, that the Hair Creature attaches to the host's brain, and that Rick Santorum's brain may be located in his rectum. Gupta recommends Santorum get an emergency trans-rectal ultrasound to discover if the Hair Creature could hiding in there, now, which would not only explain Santorum's recent spasms of odd remarks, but would explain other strange symptoms as well, such as his chronic incontinence, and leakage of the frothy brown liquid, eventually, named after his condition. Gupta arrived at his diagnoses after hearing Santorum's wife, Karen Santorum, complain about the "extreme skidmarks" in Rick's shorts saying, "Rick takes skidmarks to a whole new dimension."
This hypothesis is questioned by others, however, who note that Rick Santorum has been making strange remarks for decades. Another theory is that the Hair Creature prefers Rick Santorum's rectum, but ventures out occasionally to possess other hosts, perhaps, jumping from one GOP candidate to another, and occassionally visiting GOP state legilatures. This view is bolstered by recent sighting of the Hair Creature in the Virginia legislature.
CNN's Wolf Blitzer asked Mitt Romney if he would make this question an issue at tonight's debate, in Arizona. Romney responded that he is eager, "to get to the bottom of the "Santorum surge," and whatever else may be going on in Rick Santorum's bottom."
Not to be outdone by Romney, a spokesperson for the Newt Gingrich campaign let it be known, that he is in discussions, with his largest fund-raiser, Sheldon Adelson, to donate $100 million to a non-profit institute to pay for trans-rectal ultrasound exams for Rick Santorum, his supporters, and any other Republican who suspects they may have aliens living in their rectums. Gingrich released a statement saying that Medicare should not pay for such exams. Gingrich does not want "big government, or liberals" intruding into Republican rectums. Santorum agreed, saying "any intrusion into Republican rectums should be done only by the private sector, and by other Republicans. Upholding the sanctity of Republican rectums is a core family value threatened by liberals under the guidance of Satan."
More on this developing story, as information becomes available. I'm sure the truth will come out in the end.