Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio will reveal the findings of his office's investigation into the authenticity of President Obama's birth certificate on March 1st, he announced Tuesday.Oh my goodness! Will we at long last, and for only the 374th time, know the truth? What, oh what, could Sheriff Joe and his crack team of volunteer wingnut investigators have found? Did they find out Barack Obama was never born? Did they find out that his birth certificate was, in fact, printed on beef jerky? Did they found out that dumbass racists all across the country will pay you fistfuls of money for as many trips to Hawaii as you want, so long as you use the right buzzwords and promise to "report your findings" afterwards?
Admittedly, if mega-genius Donald Trump could not find any hidden scandal about Obama's birth, I find it hard to believe Sheriff Joe has had any more success. Donald Trump, after all, can flush away as much money as he wants, and he loves flushing money away. In theory Sheriff Joe had to work only off "donations," since even in Arizona using your sheriff budget for Hawaii goose chases is still considered bad form.
Well, I know I'm dying to hear Arpaio's big announcement. Should we liveblog it, perhaps? Maybe we should start liveblogging it now, just to make sure it gets the right amount of attention? Do you think he'll use his special Sheriff Joe drug-fighting tank in his announcement? Will Steven Seagal be there? (Arpaio has already briefed Rick Santorum on what he found, or didn't find, but Rick Santorum's not telling. That's a shame.)
Oh wait, this part's good. From the man himself:
"[O]n March 1st I will have a press conference and reveal what we found out during that investigation. And I don't have press conferences just to have my name on television."I swear, is there any conservative official in Arizona who isn't a national laughingstock at this point?