From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
From the Zygote Community Bulletin Board:
New zygotes are invited to an orientation session at the Federal Building on Market Street at 2pm (use the side door). All attendees will receive a Social Security card, $50 cash and a free copy of the The Employment Times.It's their world. We just live in it.
The annual zygote pancake supper will be held at the Grange Hall Sunday from 6am `til 11am. Cost is $5 ($3 for single gamete cells). Because of last year's maple syrup disaster, powdered sugar will be substituted.
FOR SALE---autographed portrait of our first Zygote U.S. President, Ziggy. Certificate of authenticity included. $100 + s&h. 555-1323.
What's your pleasure? Nude dancers cater to your every whim at Zygo-A-Go-Go. No cover. Open 24hrs.
ZYGOTE ROOMMATE WANTED to share 2-bedroom apartment on west end. $575 + utilities. Non-smoker preferred. Pets negotiable. No vacuum cleaners! 555-3421.
ZYGAEROBICS! Come work out to a hip-hop beat at Marcy's Gym. Great way to make friends while working up a chromosweat! Come Zy-groove with us! 555-MOVEIT.
FOR SALE: Zygote-sized earplugs. You'll sleep like a baby when you're wearing these transvaginal ultrasound-proof noise-cancelers. Like new. $10 or best offer. 555-9845.
Feeling small? Join the Dale Carnegie zygote support group. Professional moderator helps you speak with confidence and raise self-esteem. Stay afterward for free résumé-building workshop.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 24, 2012
Note: Due to stuff, there will be no C&J on Monday. Replacement entertainment will be provided throughout the day by the Republicans running for president. Back Tuesday.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Game Change on HBO: 15 (Check out the teleprompter on their home page---nice touch!)
Days `til the 30th annual Knight Rider Festival in Las Vegas: 84
Current poll numbers for Obama v. Romney in Michigan: 51-33
(Source: NBC News/Marist poll)
Current poll numbers for Obama v. Romney in Wisconsin: 53-38
(Source: Marquette Law School poll)
Percent of political ad spending during the 2010 elections that would have been prohibited before Citizens United: 72%
(Source: Harper's Index)
Portion of dollars given to the 2012 presidential campaigns that were spent by five individuals: 1-in-4
Percent chance that Wang Chung means "yellow bell": 100%
(Source: Entertainment Weekly)
Puppy Pic of the Day: The joy of solar heat...
CHEERS to showing up to be counted. Big doings Sunday here in Maine, as Democrats attend the state caucuses. In addition to assorted party business, we'll be choosing our candidate for president. It'll be tough: I like Barack Obama, but there's plenty to be said for Barack Obama. (I'll probably just flip a coin.) One thing I'll be watching for is the turnout: if our crowds are bigger than those of the "energized" Republicans from a couple weeks back (5,585 showed up---2% of their ranks), I think we win bragging rights and a boot filled with chowder. But one thing is for sure: unlike the GOP debacle, we won’t try to discount an entire county's votes, and our results won’t get "lost" in our party chairman's spam folder. Sorry, media, no controversy for you to cover---we're kinda sweet on competence.
CHEERS to the "annual"-versary of a "perennial" DKos favorite. One of my first weekend rituals, besides making sure I'm still above ground, is checking out Kossack Frankenoid's Saturday Morning Garden Blogging post (9am ET like clockwork). It contains many of the ingredients you'll find in politics (dirt flinging, blooming and wilting, manure spreading, obnoxious pests), and yet it's refreshingly apolitical. A few years back I asked her how she got started:
"[In 2005] I was fairly new at Daily Kos and looking for my niche. On a fine morning in late February, I was waiting for it to get warm enough to go outside and fart around in the garden and, with Friday night cat blogging as the inspiration, put up the first Saturday Morning Garden Blogging. There were 46 comments, it was fun, so I kept doing it. Garden blogging made the rec list for the first time the 11th week, and took off from there."Tomorrow morning Frankenoid kicks off her eighth year with a special anniversary edition. Make a note to drop by and say---what else?---"Hibiscus!"
CHEERS to the rocky, turbulent, cruel, cold yet soul-replenishing coast of Maine. Especially as depicted by artist Winslow Homer, born on February 24, 1836. His long-off-limits studio is undergoing restoration and will open to the public this September. And here's a handy art tip I learned recently: you can make a clean copy of any available Homer masterpiece by mashing a wad of Silly Putty into it and slowly peeling it off. That's also, by the way, a handy how-to-get-kicked-out-of-an-art-museum tip.
JEERS to really crappy odds. On February 24, 1836, apparently as a direct result of Winslow Homer's birth, 3,000 Mexicans attacked 182 Texans at The Alamo:
Brandishing his sword, General Ronald Reagan and his second-in-command, Colonel Rick Perry, took turns picking off the attackers as Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann loaded and fired the two functional cannons. As Democrats fled in panic, Dick Armey and members of the Tea Party arrived in the nick of time to save the day. The surrender ceremony was conducted on a battleship, followed by a ticker tape parade. That's why today San Antonio is the capitol of the United States and also why God hates Democrats.Um, Texas school board textbook committee? I think we need to have a little chat.
And now a brief musical interlude to the tune of Eleanor Rigby:
Ah, where are all the GOPeople?Don't forget to tip your cellist. Now back to Cheers and Jeers…
Ah, where are all the GOPeople?
Willard Mitt Romney speaking the words of the stump speech that no one will hear
No one came near
Look at him fuming, darning his staff in the night because Mormons can't swear
All the GOPeople
Oh why did they not come?
All the GOPeople
How could it go so wrong?
CHEERS to dissension in the ranks. Republicans---those top-down masters of following orders from above---are writhing in agony over their 2012 prospects. Check out this post by highly-influential RedState founder---and Very Serious CNN Contributor---Erick Erickson (my bold):
[T]hat is what is so awful about this election season for so many conservatives. Santorum, Romney, and Gingrich are campaigning against major accomplishments of the Bush Administration that they, at the time, supported, and now have the audacity to lie to us---yes they are lying---and have us believe they would never have supported such big government programs. … Here’s the long and the short of it---Super Tuesday approaches. I live in Georgia. And I am pretty sure I am voting for either Herman Cain or Rick Perry because I am just not sold on the final four.Never thought I'd say this, but: Thanks, Dubya!
CHEERS to being a fly in a tricorn hat on the wall. One can only imagine what really happened on tomorrow's date in 1793, when George Washington held his first cabinet meeting at his Mount Vernon estate. But one thing was certain: Hamilton was convinced that Jefferson's mother wore combat boots, and Jefferson was positive that Hamilton would be best served by irrigating his nose with a rubber hose. I believe the president sent them both to bed without supper.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here are some of the haps on the teevee this weekend: tomorrow morning on Up with Chris Hayes, the group discusses Detroit's past, present and future. New DVD releases include Puss in Boots, Tower Heist and Clint Eastwood's J. Edgar. In friendly competitions, the Daytona 500 is Sunday at 1 on Fox, the NBA all-star game is Sunday evening (I think it'll be a "net positive" for TNT---HaHaHaHaHa!!!) and 60 Minutes profiles Extreeeeeeme sportsmen! And wrapping up the weekend: Billy Crystal hosts the 84th annual Academy Awards, so it'll be worth watching this year…well, that and seeing Christopher Plummer nab his overdue statue.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup. Let's do a basic inventory of male/female guests and panelists (M/F Index), shall we? Yes, let's:
Meet the Press: Rick Santorum; AZ Gov. Jan Brewer; CA Gov. Jerry Brown; roundtable with---oh gaaaahd!!!---Steve Schmidt, Chuck Todd, Kathleen Parker and Harold Ford. M/F Index: 5/2Final tally: 24 men, 4 women. Feel the testosterone!!!
This Week: Rick Santorum; MI Gov. Rick Snyder & MA Gov. Deval Patrick; roundtable with George Will, Cokie Roberts, former MI Govs Jennifer Granholm and John Engler. M/F Index: 5/2
CNN's State of the Union: This week it's Candy Crowley's turn to babysit John McCain while Cindy goes shopping. Plus McCain's BFF Sen. Lindsay Graham; Obama senior adviser Robert Gibbs; CO Gov. John Hickenlooper & WI Gov. Scott Walker, and Shell CEO John Hofmeister. M/F Index: 6/0
Face the Nation: NJ Gov. Chris Christie; MD Gov. Martin O'Malley. M/F Index: 2/0
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Mitt Romney; Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels; roundtable with Bill Kristol, Evan Bayh, Juan Williams and Ed Gillespie. M/F Index: 6/0
Six years ago in C&J: February 24, 2006
JEERS to Port au Preznit. For god's sake, Mr. Bush, there are just so many ways you can scramble the rational part of my brain before it shuts down (that's your goal, I'm sure). The latest: the president vigorously defends turning our ports over to the United Arab Emirates...but later claims he didn't know a damn thing about it. If utter cluelessness qualified as a high crime or misdemeanor, this guy would be breaking large rocks into small ones at Leavenworth.
And just one more…
CHEERS to Deep Thoughts...by Jack Handy. Jack is a long-time inspiration of mine. Like Steven Wright, he can cram more beautiful, bizarre absurdity into a sentence or two than most people can in a thousand. His books, which I've dog-eared to death, have a place of honor on my bookshelf. Tomorrow is Handey's 63rd birthday, so that's as good an excuse as any to post a few of our favorite Deep Thoughts from the birthday boy:
The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.And on that note...
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
It's funny how two simply words, "I promise," will stall people for awhile.
The next time you go to the doctor, go ahead and bring in a stool sample. They might need it. Better go ahead and bring some for the dentist, too.
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
Have a nice weekend. Don't forget to do your chores. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?