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The Hadrosaur skull was believed to have evolved for long-distance vocalization

                       The crested skull of the Hadrosaurus is believed to have evolved
                         for long-distance vocalization before the days of the Internet

In the end, "Operation Hadrosaurus", launched by the famed Hadrosaurus markosii, will be remembered as little more than a footnote in the fossil record. Aimed at skewing the primary results towards the uber-loathsome Struthiomimus Santorum, this loudly vocalized plan urged Demosaurs to cross party lines and create some Mesozoic mischief.

While some Demosaurs appear to have heeded this call to tiny little forearms, the final results confirmed that the once-inevitable Brontosaurus Romneii prevailed in the salt-domes of Michigan and the canyons of Arizona.

Follow along below the coprolite for more on our blundering behemoths...

Brontosaurus romneii, unfeeling and unapologetic, won a decisive victory in the intellectual deserts of Arizona, so much so that MSNBC pundits declared him the winner in 6.66 nanoseconds after the polls closed. So much for suspense. Weary Viewersaurs could then turn their attention to the almost equally soporific proceedings in the Great Inland Seas of Michigan where, despite the efforts of Operation Hadrosaurus, Votersaurs ultimately realized that a Struthiomimus Santorum nomination (or - Skyosaurus forbid - presidency) would spell extinction for many of us, and cast their votes for the audioanimatronic B. romneii.

Struthiomimus Santorum, buoyed by real and perceived victories in prior primary events, had been on a reactionary rampage, his vehement and venomous vocalizations focused on lifeforms of all sorts. In his Precambrian vision for America, men were men, women were amenable, ignorance was lauded, and fear was endemic... particularly in S. santorum's own world. Impelled by the obsession that someone, somewhere, might be engaging in non-procreational forms of copulation, this reprehensible reptile preached a steady stream of rhetoric, more appropriate for the pulpit than the tar pit. Two losses in yesterday's voting should quiet this creepy Cretaceous critter... at least in any normal world.

Libertariasaurus Paulii's continued campaign has been a paleo-paradox. However, scientists have determined that this wily septuagenariasaur's apparent alliance with the tedious B. romneii may be part of a highly-evolved plan to ensure that the younger paullii (notnamedforaynrandii) would gain a seat at the right hand of Mitt on the Antisocial ticket.

Stegasaurus Newtii spent the evening far from the proceedings, a wise move given his lackluster performance. Fear not, though, this bloviating behemoth has his beady little eyes clearly focused on the South, where his brand of hate speech using long multi-syllabic words will dazzle the low-information Votersaurs. After a brief campaign detour to allow his immutably coifed mate, Callistasaurus tiffanii, to read aloud from her recently published children's book, S. newtii is back giving incomprehensible campaign speeches and hounding deep-pocket Casinosaur S. adelsonii for some additional millions to continue this otherwise dead as a dodo campaign.

 

Originally posted to cassandracarolina's fossil record on Wed Feb 29, 2012 at 07:07 AM PST.

Also republished by Hydrant, DKOMA, and Community Spotlight.

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Now that Mitt's won two primaries, he's going to

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| 107 votes | Vote | Results

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