All this hub-bub about Mormons posthumously baptising folks into their faith has me asking myself one question: "Man, how would they feel if somebody baptised one of THEIR dead relatives into a phoney-baloney church?"
And then I thought to myself: "Hold on a tic, I just happen to be a member of a phoney-baloney church! Why can't I do the same thing?"
Therefore, I have formally decided to baptise Joseph Smith into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Just think of it, Joe! No more spending Etertnity on boring old Planet Kolob. Now that you have been embraced by His Noodly Appendage, you can whoop it up in Spaghetti Monster Heaven, complete with strippers and the Holy Beer Volcano. I mean let's face it, having multiple wives in Heaven sounds good in theory, but would you realy want to deal with that FOREVER? And do you know what the best part is, Joe? If you fuck up too much in Spaghetti Monster Heaven and get sent to Spaghetti Monster Hell, it's pretty much the same place except the beer from the volcano is flat and the strippers have STD's.
Oh wait, I can't do that! Baptising people (dead or alive) without their consent is horribly disrepectful, even if the religion they're being converted to is complete and utter bullshit. Never mind.