From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Week Ahead
Monday The American president with the funny name sits down with the Israeli president with the funny name to discuss what to do about the Iranian president with the funny name.
Rush Limbaugh is inducted into the Stand-up Comedy Hall of Fame after his "I sincerely apologize" punchline becomes an instant classic.
Vladimir Putin officially re-wins the Russian presidency. He celebrates by ripping off his shirt and wrestling a bear while pulling an S-300 missile launcher through Red Square with his teeth.
The number of Mainers announcing their candidacy for Senator Olympia Snowe's seat rises from 12 to 356.
Tuesday Today is both National Frozen Food Day and "Super Tuesday." One has to do with stiff icy vegetables that turn mushy when exposed to heat and often leave a bad taste in your mouth. And the other celebrates frozen food.
House Republicans pass a bill requiring all women to wear a trans-vaginal SmartMeter so the government can monitor their reproductive activity via satellite and automatically impose fines and penalties as necessary. After lunch they then pass a non-binding resolution calling for smaller government.
Wednesday President Obama straps on Jetpack One and flies to Mount Holly, North Carolina, to talk about the economy at a Daimler Truck plant. Vice President Biden is quietly escorted to the break room after he keeps pumping his fist in the air to get the truck assemblers to honk their horns.
The Senate Judiciary Committee holds a hearing "Examining lending discrimination practices and foreclosure abuses." Moments after the witnesses are excused, the committee members all report that their wallets have been stolen.
The number of Mainers announcing their candidacy for Senator Olympia Snowe's seat rises from 43,290 to 189,345.
Thursday The traditional media panic when absolutely nothing happens anywhere in the world today.
Friday A day after Republicans predict horrible employment numbers for February and preemptively blame President Obama, the Labor Department releases decent employment numbers for February, which Republicans immediately take credit for.
The number of Mainers who haven't yet announced their candidacy for Senator Olympia Snowe's seat stands at 2: Olympia Snowe and Bart the cabin-bound loner.
Hot towels and cocktails will be dispensed as needed.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, March 5, 2012
Note: Today we are all birth control pills!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the 2012 Democratic National Convention in Charlotte (check out the official artwork/logo here): 182
Days 'til the 8th annual Oregon Cheese Festival in Central Point: 12
Number of daily record high temperatures reported in the U.S. between January 1 and February 27: 3,854
Number of daily record lows reported in the same period: 294
(Source: The Weather Channel via USA Today)
Rush Limbaugh's rank among least-respected political pundits: #1
(Source: Harris poll via Great Orange Satan)
Predicted "peak bloom dates" of the cherry blossoms in Washington, D.C. this year: 3/24-3/31
(Source: National Park Service)
Percent chance that a tauntaun smells bad on the outside, but worse on the inside: 100%
(Source: Han Solo)
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NEW! Revvin' Up for Rhode Island!
Brought to you by the 2012 Netroots Nation Convention in Providence, June 7-10. I'm shocked…[yawn]…shocked, I tell you, to discover gay people living in Providence…
"Providence's relatively small size might lead you to think it doesn't have much gay life, but the city has over two dozen gay bars, clubs, and other venues and a sizable lesbian scene; its pride festival in June dominates the entire downtown. Many gays in New England choose to reside in Providence because of its inexpensive prices, friendliness, and gay tolerance."
---Matthew Link, Out Traveler
More info at
Rhode Island Pride. And speaking of Netroots Nation, voting for the "Grab A Booth" contest going on now. Check out
the list of entrants and vote 'em up!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Those eyes…
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CHEERS to knowing when to cut and run. During the citizens 'veto referendum' on gay marriage in 2009, the Catholic Diocese of Maine POURED money and manpower into the effort to kill the law that had been duly passed by our legislature and signed by our Democratic governor. But they really got whacked in the court of public opinion (plus it drained their coffers), so this time around they're mostly staying out of the rematch. And who will take their place to lead the fundamentalist charge against happiness? Looks like it'll be a group called the Christian Civic League, which is viewed by most Mainers to be a collection of oddballs who employ tactics that backfire, such as their classic attempt to "out" state government employees. What can we say? It's always a good sign when God sends in his second-stringers.
JEERS to drinking from the freak show firehose. Super Tuesday madness!!! Romney the Vanderbilt! Santorum the street prophet! Paul the human ideological-extremes particle collider! Newt the Viceroy of orphanages and debtor's prisons! Who's ahead? Who's behind? Who's pouring on the gas and who's flaming out? What are they saying? What are the implying? Who are they rallying and who are they offending? What's it all about, Alfie? What's the frequency, Kenneth? Do you know the way to San Jose? Is that all there is? Are these boots made for walkin'? What are the pundits saying about the candidates? What are the candidates saying about the pundits? What are the bloggers saying about the candidates, the pundits and the pooties? What are the surrogates tweeting now? Who's in the catbird seat? Who's spinning his wheels? Who's digging himself into a hole? Who's getting the love…and who's dishing the dirt? Will the chickens come home to roost? Will the fat lady sing? Will the band continue to play? Will the carousel stop? Who's got the awesomest pet billionaire? What do the polls say? (Ha! Trick question---polls can't talk!) And, most important: WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN??? All this and more will be absorbed directly into your brain tissue via osmosis over the next 40 hours. Last one whose head doesn’t explode wins the big bag of funyuns.
P.S. For those of you who must know, Mitt Romney won the Washington caucus Saturday. That, by the way, is the only time you'll ever see me use "Mitt Romney," "won" and 'Washington" in the same sentence.
CHEERS and JEERS to dollars and sense. I ain't no economist, so I depend on the headlines to keep me just educated enough to win arguments with my butler. Here are some I saw over the last few days…good, bad and ugly:
Half of eurozone economies due to shrink this year…Mayors call for improved infrastructure: upgrades vital for growth of trade, exports, jobs…Apple, Google top Fortune's list of most admired firms…Stocks higher on improving jobs front…Euro banks stash record cash…Prepare for major-brand ads in your Facebook…Gas prices not a threat to growth, for now…Shoppers boost retail sales for February…Mortgage refinancing takes off as HARP kicks in…Manufacturing in Ohio coming back strong…Treasurys sink on more positive economic data…
Oh, and also: rich people are more likely to
steal candy from a child. Mostly because they already made off with their piggy banks.
JEERS to humans behaving badly. On March 5, 1946, prompted by the shennanigans of Josef Stalin in post-World War II Europe, Winston Churchill introduced the new "Iron Curtain" in a speech at Westminster College in Fulton, Missouri. Or, as Bed Bath & Beyond later called it, "our worst-selling curtain ever."
CHEERS to a measured response. Here's my reaction to the article on Sheriff Joe Arpaio that landed on my porch via my local paper Friday:
[Clips out article]
[Crumples up article]
[Sets fire to article]
[Dances on ashes of article]
[Laughs maniacally]
And that's why I'll always subscribe to a dead-tree paper. Can't do that with a 'puter.
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One year ago in C&J: March 5, 2011
CHEERS to the march of progress. Remember when laptops were, like, teh awesomest things? My, how time flies. A market research firm now says that sales of laptops are expected to fall off as sales of iPads and other "media tablets"---which don't require the enormous muscular effort of opening and closing---take off:
Simply put, tablets are more portable than laptops and perform many of the same functions for consuming content---surfing, reading and e-mail---for which people once used laptops. Gartner said that the hit being taken by the laptop market is partially because of a shift in demand, but also because those on the fence about what device to buy are waiting to purchase anything at all.
Meanwhile, the iPad 2 was
unveiled this week to great fanfare. It'll be available March 11. Fans will snatch it up in droves. It'll give 'em something to play with while they stand in line waiting for the iPad 3.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the creator of that galaxy far far away. It's highly unlikely that, over the last 35+ years, the name Ralph McQuarrie has been invoked with anything other than down-on-your knees, "We're not worthy!"-style awe. He was a conceptual designer and illustrator who put his stamp on Hollywood movies in a way few others have. He essentially programmed my imagination as a kid. Take away McQuarrie's influence from my brain and it'd be the size of a prune. He was 82 when he died Saturday---too young for anyone's liking. Quint at Ain't It Cool News explains his influence:
Without Ralph McQuarrie we would not have Star Wars, plain and simple. George Lucas’ script was being turned down left and right. Nobody was understanding his vision. Lucas realized he couldn’t count on a studio exec having even a small amount of imagination and sought out Ralph McQuarrie to do a series of production art pieces that would visualize the world. Lucas’ first pitch with McQuarrie’s art laid out before him was at 20th Century Fox and you know what happened next. […]
While he will be forever known for influencing the look and style of Star Wars, McQuarrie also set the template for Battlestar Galactica and produced art for Cocoon (for which he won an Oscar), Total Recall, E.T., Masters of the Universe, Nightbreed (!?!) and Batteries Not Included. Ralph McQuarrie achieved the dream of every artist: his work sparked the imaginations of millions. His particular style met with Lucas’ vision at the right time and that spark created the most iconic original film series in the history of cinema.
Click on the above link to see a fraction of McQuarrie's genius, which he did the old-fashioned way. In his honor today, all flags on
Cloud City will be lowered to half staff.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Yes. Bill in Portland Maine is a jerk. But more importantly, Bill in Portland Maine is a dummy."
---Rachel Maddow
3/2/12
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