I won't rehash everything from my first diary...I think anyone who is here most likely is very well aware of my daughter's story. If not, please go here and the beginning.
I met with our friend, an attorney, this morning at 8:45am. Beantown dad could not due to work conflicts. I need to say this- I took my daughter to school this morning and walked to her locker with her to make sure we had no more surprise notes. There were none, so I went directly to the office and spoke with the secretary, asking for time to meet with the principal and counselor. She set up a 10:30am appointment. I didn't tell her the reason for the meeting, other than to say that I wanted to discuss a problem with my daughter and several students. I left and drove directly Jerry's office. I tried to talk beantown girl out of going to school today- but she was adamant. She said that not going would make it so much worse for her and I must say, the logical side of me agreed. My mom side just wanted to keep her home and snuggled up with me on the couch under a blanket.
At the lawyer's office, I must say I had no expectations. As I wrote yesterday, this is certainly not his area of expertise, but I felt like he could at least hear my situation and guide me in a direction of doing things the right way. The first thing he had to say was do NOT go to school and threaten lawsuits or start the conversation in an adversarial manner (as much as I might want). I knew this and agreed with him. Reason and calm, reason and calm- I kept repeating this in my head. Now, regarding HIPAA and my daughter's privacy, Jerry said he definitely felt that this is probably one of the most serious issues; however, because beantown girl was actually involved in a conversation regarding her medication, unless there was absolute proof that the physician spoke to someone and broke her confidentiality, this is a difficult issue to address. That being said, there is most definitely a problem with the way the medicines were dispensed and on the whole, this needs to be changed across the board for the school system. The bullying thing, well that has it's own "legal legs", so to speak, as well as it's own challenges. He advised to listen to the school officials first and find out what they were willing to do about the girls and about the note. We touched briefly on the teacher's comment about Rush Limbaugh but Jerry didn't feel comfortable addressing that as he was unsure of the school's rules regarding teachers spouting "ignorant, nonsensical statements" in a room full of students :-) This made me smile and allowed me to just relax for a minute. He knew I was heading into a very tense situation (at least tense for me!) and wanted me to try to loosen up. The bottom line- Jerry offered to go to the school but said that it might not make for a great first impression to see us walk into the meeting together. It might automatically put the administration in a defensive position knowing that I was bringing a lawyer to the very first meeting. I understood completely. He did print off some information on anti-bullying case law as well as HIPAA information for me to take in case I needed it. His last piece of free advice as I walked out of the office was "Be strong, be determined, be reasonable but most importantly, be her MOTHER".
Off I went to meet with the school. I arrived early and was sitting in the office trying to not be nervous- I felt like I was back in school, sitting in the principal's office; my hands were clammy, my leg was shaking, my stomach turning and, worst of all, I felt like I was on the verge of tears :-(
The principal came out and waved me back, pointing to his office. Here we go, I thought, and gathered up my papers and bag. I walked in and my daughter's counselor was already seated in a chair in front of the desk. I greeted them both and then took a deep breath and just began to talk! I told them about Friday, I told them about the state my daughter was in when I picked her up. I gave the names of the girls and pulled out 2 copies of the note. I kept the original at home and told them that. As each of them read the note, the looks on their faces spoke volumes- they were mortified! And I honestly don't think there is any way for them to "fake" that. I was looking for a reaction and I can say, I got what I was hoping for. I explained how I felt the girls got the information, not from who exactly because I don't know, but obviously the policy of dispensing medications to the students was clearly a huge issue! I did express my feelings that HIPAA was violated in this instance and the principal immediately started writing notes on his notepad in front of him. Mrs. K, the counselor, was also taking notes and asking questions about the girls who were harassing my daughter. I told them everything my daughter told me and, at one point, Mrs. K suggested having beantown girl brought down so that they might ask her for more information. Before that happened, I wanted to address the teacher and his remarks briefly. I explained to both of them that this is not a question of politics, but one of pure and simple ignorance. And as I was trying to explain that I felt this was certainly tied to the garbage that had been spewed by Rush Limbaugh last week, the principal held up his hand and stopped me. Uh oh. But then he said something that went directly to the heart of this matter- "It would be disingenuous of us to think that what happened to your daughter was not related to the topics being discussed in the national media last week"! Let me say this again, because I wrote it down word for word after he said it
It would be disingenuous of us to think that what happened to your daughter was not related to the topics being discussed in the national media last week
I want to shout this from the rooftops- because it is the point of why I wrote about this in the first place! Words have consequences! And Rush Limbaugh's words aren't just some "radio guy" trying to stir up ratings- they have a real affect on people and their lives!
The counselor went on to say that, without breaking any HIPAA laws of course, there are a large number of female students who are taking prescription medications for exactly the same reasons as my daughter! This had never been an issue in the past, nor did she feel it was the real issue now. The real issue was a few girls who felt that they had become privy to information that they could use to shame and embarrass my daughter, for whatever reason. We discussed their past run-in, which occurred last year and decided that we all were at fault at that time for not pursuing the bullying aspect of it and pretty much writing it off as "mean girls"- I can say that I was just as guilty of not pursuing anything at that time. They made a couple mean comments at lunch and I encouraged my daughter to just ignore it and rise above what I perceived to be petty jealousy.
They sent for beantown girl and as we waited for her to come from class, both the principal and the counselor explained that they would like to have a few days to investigate the entire situation- from the dispensing of the medications to the note and snide remarks from the girls as well as the remarks made by the teacher. I was happy to hear that - I don't know why I expected the worse, but I must admit that the whole meeting went so much better than I had expected!
As my daughter arrived and walked into the office, my eyes welled up with tears; I was so worried for her, afraid that she would dissolve into that puddle of emotions she was on Friday afternoon. I should not have worried; she cried, but it was more from frustration I think. She told them everything she had told me, described the girls and their demeanor and how it made her feel. The principal asked several pointed questions regarding the process of dispensing the medication as well as the entire situation with the teacher and the conversation regarding current events. All in all, she handled herself with strength and courage ( at least I thought so). Mrs. K told her that she was so very sorry about what was happening and that until their investigation was complete, if my daughter felt that she was too uncomfortable at school they would make arrangements for her to get her work and stay at home. Beantown girl shook her head back and forth the whole time she was offering her this option- she wants to stay in school and continue on!
And that was pretty much the day in a nutshell- sorry about the rambling again. There was just so much that I wanted to write and include in this update. We left it at this- the administration is going to do an investigation. I will receive a phone call, at least, by the end of day Wednesday to give me an update as to how it is going. I will be afforded the opportunity to meet with anyone I wish who is involved in this entire situation. The school will keep an eye on my daughter and meet immediately with the girls who wrote the note, hoping to end the bullying immediately. They were not sure if they would contact the parents of the girls or how that would go, exactly.
I need to say to everyone who has been commenting and putting this out for others to read outside of this site- Thank you! You gave so much wonderful advice and I am not even close to being done sifting through all the comments! I have received several messages from people and I promise I will get back with you each personally! Just please do me a favor and read what the principal said just one more time- to yourself or out loud if you want. Words have consequences.
**Quick Update I have a meeting to attend to and have to leave for a bit. I will be back and try to comment and rec comments later.