In the news today is . . . nukes!
Deep underground, in the heart of the Middle East, lies a secret nuclear weapons program, hidden from the world's prying eyes.
But enough about Israel . . . today we are focused on Iran's probably-maybe-we're-not-quite-sure attempts to build a bomb.
Everyone knows the incredible danger the world would face if irrational theocrats controlled a nuclear arsenal, (except for the thirty-two percent who support Rick Santorum.)
The campaign of regime change here at home marches on, with Republican front-runners criticizing the president's "All Options Are On The Table" policy as weak and cowardly.
The candidates instead prefer the more hawkish, "All Painful Death Options Are On The Table Of Flaming Hellfire With The Fork Of Vengence For Your Eye" policy.
(Though their policies are in fact quite similar.)
With tough sanctions, oil embargoes, and threats of military action, the international community is on the march--
Quickly moving from "Pre-Emptive War,"
To "Preventive War,"
To "Just Do It War."
Good night and . . . please no more.