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Not only are pirates in short supply, thus accelerating Global Warming, but we clearly have too many sluts: it seems clear that since The Pill, the earth has been getting progressively warmer.

More contraception→ more sluts → more global warming.

Q.E.D.

Fortunately, heroes such as Rush Limbaugh have begun to publicly denounce sluttitude, in order to save our planet.

I wish to emulate my hero, Rush, by publicizing the scandalous, sluttitudinous behavior of a neighbor whom I had formerly respected.

Over the fold, if you dare.

My neighbor (up the creek from me) wrote to our local newspaper (and gave me permission to reproduce it here):

I am an 82-year-old widow with two children and two grandchildren. I remember the days before we had safe, effective contraception. I don't want to go back to those times of shotgun weddings, back-alley abortions and ruined lives.

Rick Santorum, now the Republican front-runner, says contraception is evil. He pledges to be the first president to speak out against the “dangers of contraception.”

Here is a quote from Rick Santorum, Republican presidential candidate: “Some Christian Churches have said, ‘Contraception, that's O.K.' But it's not O.K.” Santorum goes on to say contraception leads to a “... dramatic increase in out of wedlock births, a dramatic increase in the number of abortions.”

Did you get that? Birth control leads to more births and more abortions. Tell it to the Netherlands — free birth control and a liberal abortion policy, but the lowest abortion rate in the world.

Rick Santorum thinks Griswold v. Connecticut, a decision that said a state could not prohibit contraception, was wrongly decided. Republican legislatures across the country are passing laws to outlaw most forms of contraception. I used to vote for the candidate, not the party. But today, the Republican Party has been taken hostage by people who want to take women's rights back to the Dark Ages.

Santorum's Super-PAC sugar daddy thinks that “an aspirin tablet held between the knees” is all we need for family planning. Rick Santorum says that contraception is evil, dangerous, and “not O.K.”

I remember the bad old days before we had safe, effective contraception. I don't want to go back.

Well, that pretty much frosts my chops. I mean, this lady lives up the creek from me. Lord knows what filth washes downstream from her brothel. I certainly don't want my fish um, breeding in that water. (Hormones, diaphragms, cervical caps, and what-not; these things hang around for a long time.)

I suppose she thinks she was brave, publishing this in a very conservative area of the country.

Brave? Brazen hussy, more likely.

Now I really used to like this neighbor, and I thought I knew her, but now, I find out that she is the world's biggest fan of Rachel Maddow, that well-known fornicator, homosexual, and cohabitator.

It seems clear to me that we are all doomed to Gynecogenic Global Warming (GGW), since the correlation between the number of sluts and warming temperatures is clear, and makes thermodynamic sense, given that sluts are hot.

(It has come to my attention that not all of you are familiar with GGW. The chief advantage of the theory of Gyenecogenic Global Warming over the theory of Anthropogenic Global warming is that this theory accommodates the established fact that

               It's always the girl's fault

Poll

Are you a slut, or do you love a slut?

42%29 votes
2%2 votes
8%6 votes
33%23 votes
10%7 votes
2%2 votes

| 69 votes | Vote | Results

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