To those of you familiar with my family's tragedy please bear with me as I share further thoughts on what this has cost us.
Months ago we purchased tickets to Disney on Ice. It was a different timeline, in a different world, the world before my husband's stroke.
The world where my daughter was headed for a synchronized figure skating team and my son a hockey class. In a world where we knew there would be money for these things, and health insurance too. The world where fun happened more often than doctor visits.
We decided to go today since we had purchased the tickets and friends had been invited. But I woke up today not knowing if I should, thinking it would just be a painful reminder of what was lost.
We are going, because I am determined to try to give my kids as normal a life as possible. And because it may actually do everyone some good.
So in the grand politcal arena, figure skating rates a big zero (although some hockey players want to have their beliefs aired). There is nothing political and also nothing that is green or in any way earth and country saving about figure skating.
You just have to love it for the beauty of it. Some things are so beautiful they need do nothing more than be just that.
And my son, the wonder boy of five years, the boy that turned everyone's head when he skated, amazed at what he could do at his age, the boy who could have been a real contender (and I am not leaving this option out forever) in either figure skating or hockey, accepted without complaint that this year he would be involved in the much cheaper sport of T-ball. He is great at it.
My daughter had come a long way at figure skating but truthfully was never going to be Olympic material, the girl who had tried and hated many sports but settled on skating opted out of softball. She wants to skate. And of course, saying no to her is her cue to reach into her arsenal of weapons to break me down-whining, threatening, crying, etc. But it is what it is. No more skating. Maybe soccer?
So for today we watch the beauty on ice, the world we are saying goodbye to for now, but we can still enjoy watching.
I know we have so many larger things to worry about now than the end of our skating, but for me it really brings home how different our world is now. I am sure there are many people out there that through job loss or illness find themselves in a very different world. For my husband, it is his inability to communicate like he used to. I cannot imagine what it is like for him to not know how to read anymore. I know this ice skating thing seems so petty in the larger scheme of things but it is really just one more thing that has changed in our lives.
My husband's doctor was rather flippant about him possibly losing his career, "Oh well, one door closes many more open". Yeah, right, for a 47 year old police officer. Just plenty of opportunities out there when public servants are being treated like welfare recipients (which ironically we soon will be). But for my kids, there will be other opportunites.
Post Ice Show
It wasn't all that great. Sure, the skaters were wonderful, the kids loved the costumes; but I am thinking my heart was not all that into it because although it is important to stop and smell the roses you dont really do it while you are running from a fire.
Not only is my family facing the 'fire' but so are many others. This country is in flames.
I once read a book, a sci-fi book based on a time similar to our middle ages. I remember from the story where commoners could not accuse anyone of nobility of crime. I remember thinking it is a better world we live in where the elite are not so above the law. Boy, was I wrong. We live in a country where the elite can indeed steal (hello banks), commit negligence (doctors), bribery (politicians) and those of us with little money can do very little to stop them.
I won't miss the ice as much as having conversations with my husband that do not involve "how are we going to live now?" questions. I miss having him the strong, complete man he once was. So much lost......Still calling lawyers because none of this would have happened had the surgeon been more careful. And the tort reforms that I know know are another legacy of Scott Walker took away the necessity that surgeons be more careful. And how many of us knew that this is what was lost while it was happening? But they are not even done. Everyone's rights are continuously under attack. We are at war. They are after voting rights which pretty much tells you they do NOT want America to be a democracy. When people can no longer vote, then will they see a problem with our political system? I mean more than half of this nation. The ones who still vote against their own interests and believe any propaganda Faux throws at them.
"Doesn't it always seem to go you don't know what you've got till it's gone"