If you LOVE Rush Limbaugh you probably suck to be around. Unhappy, unpleasant, racist, backwards, sexist, homophobic conspiracy theorists who hate hate hate and fear fear fear. At this point they should replace the elephant with Chicken Little.
Dear Conservatives, all of your ideas, when practiced, result in Epic Fail. Drill baby drill, BP Oil Spill. Let the banks get Too Big To Fail and police themselves, massive bank collapse. Teach abstinence only, teen pregnancies go up. Cut taxes for the rich while waging war, create a massive deficit. Trust me, I could go on. Your political philosophy is a joke, a tiresome reel of you as Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes, yet no matter how hard your ideas fail you insist that it is only your leaders who fail the ideas, so you have doubled down on stupid and insisted that by being really, really conservative, this time its' going to work, seriously. Modern day conservatives are trying as hard as they can to bang a square peg through a round hole, but don't even get me started on Marcus Bachmann.
More below the fold . . .
It is not your conservative "family values" nonsense that you love to harp on that really matters, ask anyone who voted for Newt Gingrich this primary season. No, what binds the conservative movement at this point is hate, hate of government and socialism and liberals, Saul Alinsky and Reverend Wright and ACORN and Van Jones and whatever else they've been prattling on about on Fox News or Rush Limbaugh. Conservatives love it and hate everything else, which brings me to my main point, which is at this point, being a conservative isn't a political philosophy, it's a personality disorder.
I've tried, I've really really tried to reach out to conservatives and find areas where we can work together to fix the country, but we want different things. I want to make life better for the vast majority of Americans and fix our broken system and you want to let the Government of the State of Virginia shove things inside a woman's vagina whether she wants you to or not while screaming about an out of control government. I just can't take you anywhere.
So I'm not going to try to pretend that you don't have this problem, Conservatives, because its' your problem, not mine. You have a personality disorder. You treat people like shit, you don't like any of my friends and all of your ideas suck for everyone but the wealthiest 1% and corporations. Frankly, it's over. I'm leaving you, and I'm taking the kids with me.
All you have left is your die-hard wingnuts, the true-believers of the conspiracy theorists, crackpots, kooks, Fox News Viewers. Much like all of the advertisers fleeing the Rush Limbaugh show, your ship is sinking, and as you continue to alienate every growing demographic in an attempt to pander to your rabid, end of the world believing, xenophobic and backwards religiously extremist base please don't let us stop you from desperately clinging to your "stay the course" joke of a platform because that's pretty much all you have left.
So good luck in 2012, Conservatives! Keep on selling your factually incorrect ridiculousness to gullible low information voters and your ultra-right conspiracy theory riddled base. The only difference between a Conservative pundit and Wormtongue is that Sauron never had the lobbyists Bank of America can afford. I only wonder what you will tell yourself when you step on another rake again with your "I'm a real conservative" clown shoes on, I'm sure it will be some liberal conspiracy against poor defenseless you.
But let's not pretend what is obvious to the rest of us, there are only two places in America where a bunch of sexually repressed white guys can be legitimized based off of their net worth alone in a place where women have no voice for their rights, and that's at the Republican National Convention and a gay strip club, but then that takes us back to Marcus Bachmann again, and thus the circle of life is complete.
You can follow me on twitter @JesseLaGreca