From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: The Crazy Campaign Bus Rolls On
“Happy birthday to Mitt Romney. He’s 65 years old. At his party, he didn't blow out the candles. He gave a speech and the candles just flickered and died.”
---Jay Leno
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“Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be fucking stupid.”
---Bill Maher
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"Rick Santorum won Alabama and Mississippi. Mitt Romney won Hawaii and American Samoa. Here's a little mnemonic device to help you remember: places you can get to in a Winnebago go to Santorum. Places that require a jet or a yacht go to Romney."
---Jon Stewart
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Clip of Jennifer Duffy of the Cook Political Report: [Last Tuesday's GOP primary outcome] means a long, slow, painful slog to this nomination.
Stephen Colbert: Long, slow and painful! Thank you, Jesus! This is great! The Democrats had the same situation when they won last time in 2008. Now Republicans get that Hillary-versus-Obama magic! Minus any women or black people. Or magic.
---The Colbert Report
And one year ago…
"Newt [Gingrich] says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'"
---Conan O'Brien
More at
Dan Kurtzman's joint.
Don’t forget to email your entry for the "Name that Duck" contest. If you're the lucky duck who submits the winning nom d' plumage for C&J's mascot, we'll send you a complete set of 2012 White House Easter Eggs and make a $30 contribution in your name to Netroots for the Troops. Duckline for entries is Sunday night at 12:59:59. Good duck!
You may uncork when ready, Gridley! Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 16, 2012
Note: Debris washes up on beach. Flotsam at 11.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til spring: 4!!!!!!!
Days `til the Renaissance Fine Arts Festival in Ridgeland, Mississippi: 15
Amount of the monthly checking account fee Wells Fargo plans to start imposing on customers in May: $7
(Source: USA Today)
Percent of American adults who say they drink regularly: 51%
Percent of American adults who say they're "lifetime abstainers": 21%
(Source: CDC)
Number of pizza slices America eats per second: 350
(Source: Parade)
U.S. towns with "Shamrock" in their name: 5
Total population of those towns: 5,605
(Source: Census Bureau)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Wheeeeeeeee!!!!
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CHEERS to de-fanging the attack dog. Billy's Law say: "If Billy leaves his computer for ten minutes, the news cycle will vomit up a major breaking story that will rock our world." I went to eat lunch and when I got back I found out that, thanks to the resignation of state Senator Pam Galloway, The Koch brothers Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's official duties will now be relegated to ribbon cuttings and updating his resume for when voters throw him out in a few months:
Galloway's resignation means the GOP will no longer have a majority in the Senate, since the chamber will now be split between 16 Republicans and 16 Democrats. The Senate will not be in session again, however, until after the recall elections, meaning it is unlikely that the parties will have to negotiate some type of joint control.
Oh well. It
was good to be the king, eh, Scott?
P.S. Senator Galloway says she's leaving because "My family has experienced multiple, sudden and serious health issues, which require my full attention." Whatever those issues are, we hope they get resolved in short order. Sick sucks.
CHEERS to presidents who actually read their PDBs. On March 16, 1996, during his weekly radio address, Bill Clinton criticized the Republican-controlled House for gutting anti-terrorism legislation he'd submitted in response to the Oklahoma City bombing:
We made swift arrests after the attacks on the World Trade Center and Oklahoma City. Today those responsible for the World Trade Center bombing are behind bars. In the last 3 years the United States has arrested more terrorists than at any time in our history, plucking them from hiding all around the world and bringing them to justice for their crimes. This progress is dramatic, but we must do more.
Yet on the same day I was in the Middle East rallying the world community to fight terrorism, some in Congress, led by Republicans, were taking apart piece by piece the tough legislation designed to beat back that very threat. More than a year ago I sent a bill to Congress that would strengthen our ability to investigate, prosecute, and punish terrorist activity. After the Oklahoma City bombing I made that legislation even stronger. My efforts were guided by three firm goals: first, to protect American lives without infringing on American rights; second, to give law enforcement officials the tools they need to do the job; and third, to make sure that terrorists are barred from our country. [...]
Congress should get back on track and send me tough legislation that cracks down on terrorism.
So all you fine folks in the knuckledragger wing of the Republican party who say Clinton "allowed 9/11 to happen," we'll thank yuh kindly to shut your pie holes.
JEERS to the flubber-in-chief. Y'know all those books Jacob Weisberg compiled that were stuffed to the gills with crimes against the English language known as "George W. Bushisms?" Well, I hope someone's keeping track of President Obama's tongue-trippage, too, because he stepped in it yesterday when he made two factual errors about Rutherford B. Hayes and Christopher Columbus. Bushisms, by the way, filled six volumes. Thanks to yesterday's gaffes and his "57 states" comment from a few years back, "Obamaisms" have also filled six. As in, six percent of one page. And this guy controls our launch codes???
CHEERS to Ol' Shortstuff. Happy 262nd birthday to James Madison---at 5-foot-4 our president with the most stable center of gravity. He was our next-to-last Founding Father president (Monroe ended the era after him), and was at the helm when the Star Spangled Banner---which no one can remember the words to---was written. Pay your respects here. Preferably under the red glare of some sort of rocket-like projectile.
CHEERS to rescuing our rails. Say this for outgoing Senator Olympia Snowe: I'll miss her ability to snap her fingers and save worthwhile projects that her Republican colleagues would rather ride on a track to extinction. The latest: restoring funding for our hugely popular Amtrak run:
The Downeaster, a passenger train from Boston to Portland, would have lost nearly $6 million a year, but an amendment from U.S. Senator Olympia Snowe, R-Maine, restored funding under the Congestion Mitigation and Air Quality, or CMAQ program, Snowe reported in a press release. Supporters of the Downeaster, which is expected to open a new rail line from Portland to Brunswick this fall, hailed the news.
Oh, and this bit of reassurance about Snowe's likely replacement is nice:
A political side note: Angus King, who today is an independent candidate looking to replace the retiring Snowe in the U.S. Senate, became a supporter of Amtrak as governor in the mid-1990s during the Downeaster's infancy in Maine, [TrainRiders Northeast Wayne] Davis said.
Woo woo.
CHEERS to "Uncle Jumbo." Happy Birthday to #22 and #24, Grover Cleveland, born on Sunday's date in 1837. He'll forever be known as "that guy with the mustache who was president twice," a feat we'll probably never see again unless Jimmy Carter or George H.W. Bush wants to take another shot at the White House in 2016. According to Cormac O'Brien's book Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents, in the 1870s Cleveland, as sheriff of Erie County, Pennsylvania, "personally threw the noose around the necks of two convicted criminals," making him the only American president who personally hanged someone. That is, if you don't count Bush the Younger and Dumber, who did a pretty good job of hanging himself.
CHEERS to things that go "snap." On tomorrow's date in 1845, Stephen Perry received his patent for the rubber band. Something everyone should see at least once in their lifetime: condoms playing Sousa.
CHEERS to home vegetation. I'll probably be outside playing in the real vegetation this weekend, since spring appears to be arriving (65!) a few days early here. But we'll also be watching cool stuff on the TV: On HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher talks with Alexandra Pelosi, Ed Helms, Dylan Ratigan, Amy Holmes of GBTV and Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett (R). Also tonight: North Woods Law on Animal Planet, starring a no-nonsense Maine game warden. New DVD releases include Oscar nominees The Descendants, The Adventures of Tintin and My Week with Marilyn. NCAA basketball…er, 'scuse me, I mean MARCH MADNESS!!!!!…continues. On 60 Minutes: privatizing the space program and a report on "face blindness." Robots take over Mr. Burns's nuclear plant on The Simpsons.
And here's your Saturday & Sunday morning lineup:
Up! With Chris Hayes: Ezra Klein is the fill-in host this weekend. Guests tomorrow include Jodi Kantor, author of The Obamas; Wired's Spencer Ackerman; Nancy Giles of CBS News; former National Security Council advisor Elise Jordan; and the awesome Rajiv Chandrasekaran of The Washington Post. (Check the Up! site for the Sun. lineup tomorrow.)
The Melissa Harris-Perry Show: Not sure yet, but her site is here.
[CAUTION! If you watch the above two shows, some weekend learning may take place and your neurons may experience a slight burning sensation.]
Meet the Press: John McCain ("Bomb people!") and George Clooney ("Feed people!")---together at last! Honestly, it's getting beyond ridiculous that McCain, a do-nothing obstructionist senator who hasn’t done a thing of note since he lost in '08, gets to rotate through these shows. Then again, it does give Cindy some 'me' time, so there's that. Plus: a roundtable on Afghanistan that's actually worth watching with IAVA founder Paul Rieckhoff, author and veteran Wes Moore, author John Krakauer, Helene Cooper of the NYT and Bob Woodward.
This Week: Rick Santorum; roundtable with George Will, Haley Barbour, Priorities USA co-founder Bill Burton, Washington Post national political reporter Nia-Malika Henderson, and Washington Post columnist David Ignatius.
Face the Nation Fluff the Republicans: RNC chair Rience Priebus and Obama campaign poobah David Axelrod; roundtable with Ed Gillespie, Rich Lowry and Norah O'Donnell. For those of you keeping score, that's three Republicans, one Democrat, and one non-partisan reporter.
CNN's State of the Union: Rick Santorum; Afghan Ambassador to the United States, Eklil Hakimi; Former Obama White House Communications Director Anita Dunn and former Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie.
Washington Week: ABC News's Martha Raddatz on Afghanistan, and Alexis Simendinger of RealClearPolitics on the political implications; Karen Tumulty of The Washington Post on the ROMNEY-(gingrichpaul)-SANTORUM hijinks.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Severe conservative and dog-on-car advocate Mitt Romney; George Clooney and John Prendergast (if they get out of jail in time) on the Sudan crisis; roundtable with Brit Hume, AB Stoddard, Bill Kristol and Charles Lane.
29 men and 7 women. (Not that we're keeping score or anything…) Happy viewing!
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Five years ago in C&J: March 16, 2007
JEERS to chickenhawk Republicans who destroy careers and jeopardize national security at the same time. Valerie Plame testified before the House Committee on Oversight and Reform today. The biggest bombshell occurred just before 11 when she confirmed:
In the run-up to the war with Iraq, I worked in the Counter Proliferation Division of the CIA, still as a covert officer, whose affiliation with the CIA was classified. I raced to discover solid intelligence for senior policy makers on Iraq's presumed weapons of mass destruction programs. [...]
It was not common knowledge on the Georgetown cocktail circuit, that everyone knew where I worked. But all of my efforts on behalf of the national security of the United States, all of my training, all of the value of my years of service were abruptly ended when my name and identity were exposed irresponsibly.
And no one from the White House could be bothered to call her up and apologize? Shocking.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the wearin' 'o the green beer. St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow and C&J extends a hearty "Begosh 'n Pull Me Finger" to all our Irish readers. My ancestors are Swiss ("Say, is that the Matterhorn in your pocket or…ha ha ha."), so I'm totally neutral about St. Patrick's Day. But Federal law requires us to post the following:
Have you heard about the Irish boomerang?
It doesn't come back, it just sings songs about how much it wants to.
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There's a new Irish restaurant being built in town. They're going to serve gourmet 7-course Irish meals. Everyone who comes in gets a potato and a six-pack.
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"St. Patrick's Day---what better way to honor Ireland's greatest saint than to sit on a curb wearing a plastic derby and vomiting in the street." (David Letterman)
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What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Sadly, federal law also prohibits us from apologizing for the above. Shillelagh! (Gesundheit.)
Have a super Summer in March weekend. Floor's O'pen. What are you O'Cheering and O'Jeering about today?
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