Skip to main content

I've talked to people about this incident that happened to me last Saturday because I'm shaken by it and quite disturbed. With the recent "slut" theme circulating around Daily Kos, I thought I should probably share it.

I thought that some of you could probably relate to my experience because you're progressive women and it must be a nightmare for some of you single women to find men to date that aren't complete troglodytes. I'm so fed up with low-information cave dwellers trying to be my boyfriend, I'm seriously thinking about internet dating sites for liberals or something. Is there such a thing?

I keep running into the same assholes over and over. You know, the men who never once gave a thought to feminism except to declare that it's for lesbians or misinterpret it as "femininity". I mean, these mutherfuckers are REALLY STUPID.

I went out with a stupid mutherfucker last Saturday night. A few hours later, he was trying to cross into date rape territory with me. Story below the squiggle.

He took me out to dinner first. I started to realize that I had barked up the wrong tree shortly after sitting down at the bar, waiting to be called to our table when it was ready. He had the kind of posture that suggested to me that he was just going through the motions of a date and he really wasn't into the purpose of such a thing. He seemed to be "waiting it out" even though he participated enough in the conversation to not be rude.

I thought to myself, "Oh, boy...I bet he turns out to be a non-book-reading, undereducated, low-information dumbass and a typical asshole who doesn't know his own political score because he never gave a shit...."

I was right. But I try to give people the benefit of the doubt because I know I'm abnormally political. I'm a junkie for news and politics. But something about me is still eternally and stubbornly snobbish about people who don't know wtf is going on in the world. They always seem to piss me off and we never get along well.

When we got to the table, we had some lighthearted conversation about loving the beach and wanting to retire in sunny California. We had that in common so he seemed to relax a bit. The thing that bothered me was how he seemed to designate ME as his choice for companionship in this fairy tale retirement fantasy. WHUUUT? See, here we go...

I should run like hell at this point because I recognize this and I've been through it before. He has no qualms about being way too forward with future plans for me because he's a typical troglodyte that believes that all women are just waiting around to be chosen. Maybe I'll "give it up" faster if I think he's that into me. BULLSHIT! I'm terrified. Uh-oh. He's trying to possess me or trick me out of sex, is what I'm thinking.

I don't have to be "tricked". I'm a progressive woman. I don't view sex as a tool to entrap men or get them to have feelings for me. If I want it to happen, it will happen. I don't have to pick up on hints from him that he would like to be married to me. Actually, I'd rather he not be so forward. If I did such a thing as a woman on a first date, he'd think I was crazy and run like hell.

As the table conversation went on, he started to ask me about something that happened recently with me and another guy he knew. I had already explained to him that I was celibate for five years and I simply wanted to get laid at that point. It took me four weeks of hanging around and talking to him here and there before I got comfortable enough to designate him. The guy was stupid, way too clingy and I was relieved to be rid of him. That was the one time I had sex in all those years and it was all I wanted from that guy. It seemed a lot more involved from the outside looking in because I almost got caught up in his bullshit but then I woke up and realized that he was stupid and there was no way it was going further than that.

Eventually, the convo segued into my political views because I told him that I didn't believe in "sluts". It was just a word that people invented to shame women for being human. There was no difference between a woman who had sex once in five years or five times in one day and it was nobody's right to classify her as being one way or another. It makes her neither a slut or an angel and it has nothing to do with her moral fiber.

I believe this mutherfucker got the whole thing twisted because later on...

So we leave the restaurant and he drives me to his house, 30 minutes from where I live. He told me he wanted me to meet his kids (!?!?!?!?) and I didn't want to be rude. His kids were nice and welcoming and polite. I was impressed. We watched TV and after about an hour he started to hint to me that he was falling asleep and he was dreding the hour drive he would have to make taking me back home. Uh-oh.

Fine. I'll stay. Kids are running around and everything seems okay. sigh I had planned to go home. I was on my period and I was just tired and drained but whatever.

About an hour later, I'm saying; "No" and he's BEGGING. Dude...NO. I don't know you and I am NOT doing this right now. I don't want it. There is no fucking way I'm doing anything with anybody tonight. I'm all bloody and...WTF is he talking about?! It doesn't even matter that I'm menstruating. I. SAID. NO.

"Please? It's not a big deal. I was married and...."

OMGWTFJESUSHELPME! I have never in my life been pushed like this. It might have happened when I was a teenager and I understand that little boys are desperate and whiny but it still turned me off. I said no and no amount of asking is going to change it. In fact, it will guarantee that you never, ever, ever get anything from me.

I'm starting to ball up like a fetus and hide my face now because I really don't know what to do. I'm about to cry and y'all know I am no shrinking violet. But I'm 30 minutes from where I live and without my car. I'm trapped.

I tried to stay cheery or keep it all "light" or something because the last thing I wanted was to fall out with him and be forced outside or something. If he would keep asking me when I said "NO", what else was he capable of? What man would do this to a woman? What kind of woman does he think he can get away with this kind of thing?

Holy shit...I know what this is! He believes he knows something about me. He knows I fucked that other guy. It's his turn with the "slut" now. He's annoyed that I'm not giving it to HIM and it's hurting his ego. Why she don't wanna fuck ME? I have a dick, too!

One time in five years. Still a slut. Everybody's entitled to it, right? And then I'm a filthy-mouthed slut, too, talking about things that women shouldn't say. Things like, "I just wanted to get laid" and "I don't believe in sluts". Why, I should have known he would think it was a sure thing with all the slutty filth I talk. ha! Mutherfucker, I'd kill you but I have no weapons and it's gonna be a long walk home.

I'm so progressive, I'm in literal danger. My instincts about screening my friends were absolutely spot on. I can't be around troglodytes. Somebody will have to die.

I tried to "talk him off me" and keep a banter going that would keep him from getting back to the sex topic again. Every time he found a segue opportunity in the convo, he used it to whine about not getting laid and having a hard dick. He pouted and whined until he went to sleep. I was afraid to even ask to be taken home. I waited it out and sat straight up the whole night, tense and weary. Weary of the world and all I've been through. I shut myself in the house for years because of things like this, because hardly anybody I meet is like me.

I was so shaken the next day when I got back home, I couldn't even interpret my own feelings right away. I tried to shake it off because lately, I haven't trusted my own feelings. If you've followed my crazy diaries or been a victim of my lengthy confessions and written rants (mallyroyal lol), you'd know that I'm crazy right now. Crazier than I've been in a long time. I even tried to talk to him after that but I was so nervous and spastic that I just kept talking and talking, trying to keep sex out of the conversation. Every time there was a lapse, he was asking for another "date".

Oh, fuck no. I made an excuse to hurry off the phone and then I hung it up and backed away from it like it was a monster. My instincts tell me that this guy is dangerous and I was probably talking to him to smooth it over so I can hide from him, avoid him and let it trail off into never saying another word to him.

Then I got pissed at the idea of me being intimidated. I don't aspire to being demure and weak. I'm gonna straight up tell him what he needs to hear because he's obviously never heard it before.

Because we're on different working shifts, it's easy to avoid him and have an excuse not to talk to him so I didn't hear from him until yesterday when he texted me, probably getting ready to try and get me out on Saturday night again so he can consummate his fantasy that didn't come true the weekend before.

My only text response was this;

"I tried to let it go but I can't get over how I felt Saturday night, trapped at your house. No means no and I am completely creeped out by you begging for my pussy when I said no. What made you think you could do that to me? You think feminist means whore? I've had sex once in 5 years. What made you think I'd fuck a stranger on my period? Please don't talk to me. You almost crossed into date rape territory and you had better watch it. Leave me alone, Menace to Women."

He texted back something almost incoherent because this guy is no writer by a long shot. Something about him being "cool" on me and he won't even look my way anymore. He denied the date rape part. "Never date rape" or some shit like that which I took to mean; "I would never date rape".

I was gonna text back and say; "WTF do you think it is, stupid? If I had felt inclined to give in because I was afraid of you and I was trapped at your house and I would have went to the cops, your menacing ass would have had to face a judge. Watch yourself in the future. I'm sure this is probably not the first time. I'm trying to help you and the poor women who might be your future victims. Or maybe you just thought you could do that with me because I said I don't believe in sluts and you misinterpreted that to mean "I'm a slut"? Fuck off, sick bastard."

But then I decided I would let that be the end and never sent it. He would get the picture when I don't respond. I want him to feel like he should feel about it. "I've really fucked this up. I'm so stupid. She won't even text me back to argue...".

Or maybe he's so stupid that he just shrugged it off. 'Whatever, crazy bitch". But I know that word "date rape" cut like a knife and he's somewhere tossing and turning, trying to get the echoes of words like "date rapist", "menace" and "no means no" out of his head. He's never seen himself that way. Well, look in the mirror, asshole, because it's YOU.

I was really happiest to get back home with my computer where all my friends live on an orange website and I cant see them but I know they are there. I got to hug swampyankee and see her face and meet her beautiful, happy and charismatic cats and it was good for me. I'm really glad I got lost trying to get to my mother in upstate NY now. lol For once, I knew the heart and soul of somebody whose house I was entering and I knew I would be safe. I didn't know what color she was, her age or anything other than the things I had seen her write about and comment on for a few years and that was everything I needed to know. Nothing else mattered. And I found myself explaining things to swampyankee that I didn't have to say to her. She already knew and she just nodded politely until I realized; "Oh, that's right! She's like me! I'm with a real friend and I'm safe here."

I'm thinking of ways to scheme my way out of work in June so I can get to Netroots Nation and meet some more of you. It's just good to be surrounded by people you know are relatively safe. I trust feminists, liberals and progressives. They aren't always nice people but they are the BEST people and that's all I care about. They might hate me on the site but they would never spread slut rumors about me, assume things about me because I'm not a virgin and think they were entitled to rape me.

I can't explain how important that is to me. I'm in real danger and I'm vulnerable to all the things we fight against as members of this political party and this "radical" little community. I wish you could all just move to my neighborhood. We'd have a wonderful time.

Enjoy the unusually warm early spring, folks and thank whomever you worship for friends that make you feel loved and safe.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site