I understand trying to be fashionable or comfortable with your body, but the complete lack of judgment or respect that women seem to have for themselves is appalling. I think this behavior is rooted in insecurity. No, I’m not an old hag who has lost touch with today’s youth. Unfortunately, the same people I’m referring to are my peers.
The same reason I see girls post pictures of themselves every single day. It comes down to validation. There is a certain feeling, addiction, and satisfaction that girls get from validation. When people comment on pictures to say “LIKE OMG YOURE SO PRETTY!” There is a constant need to feel accepted by others … and this comes with the pleasure of feeding your ego too. I’ve seen girls post pictures with the purposeful caption that says “I’m ugly”. This bothers me for a couple reasons. Firstly, the girl obviously wouldn’t be posting the picture if she really thought she looked ugly in it because it would have been deleted long before it reached Facebook. Also, the immediate response of people that “come to the rescue” and negate her statement are fueling and encouraging this behavior. They are essentially taking the bait because the only reason a girl would possibly post such a caption is to get her fix faster.
I think a lot of girls would agree that when a girl says you are beautiful it doesn’t carry nearly as much weight as when a guy says so. Guys almost always give a positive response if you try and point out your own flaws simply because they feel trapped. I observed a girl purposefully pointing out her imperfections to a guy. I felt bad for him because he was clearly uncomfortable and trying to ignore her, but she kept talking at him eventually forcing him to respond. What decent person has the heart to agree with aforementioned criticisms? Of course his response was something to the effect of how you can barely notice. The look on his face said “thank goodness that’s over,” but to her, it was a compliment. Once again, validation seems to be the root of this attention-seeking behavior. Honestly, guys probably wouldn’t have noticed the problem in the first place.
Girls want to know that they are attractive to men, but I think too often they do things just because it will attract men. I mean, what kind of reasoning for action is that?! I think this stems from the idea that women haven’t truly succeeded in life unless they get married. It seems to me that single women - even though they may be successful in other aspects of life - are looked down upon by society and other women for being alone. While it doesn’t seem to be negative for single, successful men. Additionally, society does a great job of throwing in your face what is defined as beauty. So, women feel the need to wear make up and take care of their appearance. They don’t just try to be beautiful, but also be more beautiful than other women. The amount of time that some women take to prepare themselves before even leaving the house is probably unbeknownst to most men. Alas, life seems to be one great competition, and in order to not be alone, women need to be beautiful right?
These pressures to measure up to the competition are toxic. First semester, the insecurities of a girl that I know were somewhat passed on to me. She always would look at herself in the mirror and criticize herself and other girls would follow suit and criticize themselves in turn. The behavior was just disgusting in my opinion that I couldn’t stop myself before I literally blurted out “EW!”. Needless to say, I was shocked at myself for doing so and returned to minding my own business. However, I still hear daily, almost hourly, about diets and losing weight. I wish girls would be more concerned with living life instead of losing 10 pounds.
When one of these pity parties occurs, I have nothing to contribute. I see no reason to criticize my own appearance. I’ve had it happen where a girl says to me, “I wish I had your legs” or something similar. With that sort of comment, they are not really complimenting me, but more of expressing the discontent they have with their own body. I usually say thanks with a hesitant tone in response because I don’t want to make it seem like the flaws she imagines are real. Its very awkward for me when that happens and I never know what the proper response is in that situation. Its all a mind game.
I think another problem is how do you change back from this mode of thinking. Its so easy to conform and change, but I grew up not having problems with myself because the girls I was friends with were always very confident in their own right. We are all intelligent, driven, and successful. We just never discussed anything that had to do with diets or had self-criticizing pity parties. If anything we built each other up and encouraged each other. Part of the solution may be just maturity. Honestly, women need to stop being so hard on themselves. Its not like men find insecurity and lack of confidence attractive.
Sure I feel pressured to be thin. Sure I feel pressured to go tanning. Sure I feel pressured to talk like an airhead. Sure I feel pressured to wear make up every single day. However I’d much rather stand out in other ways… like being different. I’ll do my own thing while all the other girls try and be like everyone else. Perhaps it does make me less approachable because I deviate from the norm, but in the long run I’m doing what will keep me from being ashamed of my younger self.
If this traits are really necessary to attract men well I guess I’m out of luck. I’ll have to settle with becoming a crazy cat lady instead. The only problem with that is I’m allergic.