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I am the President's brain and I am on a secret mission to inform you of certain truths which can't be denied and which will assure The President's victory over Romney and Santorum this Election Day.

First of all, as you read this, my voice does not sound like the President's. The Brain is not the Man. And you can tell him I said that. I am not the sum of the parts. I am just the most important part. My voice is deeper. Darker. More mysterious and exotic. And with a much better sense of irony.

Hawaii. When I get the President reelected as I will, you can take that to the bank, the first thing I am going to do is move the nation's capitol to Maui. I'm not joking. The Fukushima radiation and debris wave will be passed by then and headed to Seattle. Surf's up.

So, as I say, I'm on a mission to give you what you guys call memes or frames or political origami or something - I don't do social media. Here are the things I need your help with and you have got to swear not to tell the President. He is not to know for the sake of plausible deniability. And just because I am his brain it does not mean he knows everything, okay? Ever heard of a subconscious? Well that's just the beginning of what you don't know.

Number One: The President is a nice guy. That's why he is the President. And that's why Bush was the President before – that and the Supreme Court. Bush is a nice guy. You can't fake it. Look at Romney. O.M.G. You see – to be nice takes heart. And Romney looks like the original Tin Man. It's in there somewhere. He's no Cheney. But, it's hard for people to see. And, love or lose them, the American People vote for the person they like best. It's a scientific fact. Okay ready – likability factor: Obama or McCain?

Number Two: The President does what it takes. He does not like what he has to do. As opposed to the previous president who gloated about all the people he executed before he ever was President. Okay, The President gloated a little over the Sinking of Osama bin Laden. And his political advisors, which I do not condone, use it to show how “tough” the President is, but the President does not enjoy killing. The President does what he has to to get the job done. Remember, the President has a loon class to deal with to get anything done and yes, he has compromised further than many would like, but he gets the job done even if it is baby steps.

Number Three: The President is Pissed. He is completely fed up with the way things are done in Washington and around the World. And when he told the Russian patsy the other day that he needed some space until after his election before he could dial back the belligerence of the United States, he meant it. He is going to be reelected. By a landslide. The Republicans are Nuts and the President is Cautious – who do you want as President? So many on the Right thought the President was a dangerous Muslim manchurian candidate out to destroy America. And now, they are going to look at Romney as Mr. Milquetoast and The President as Mr. He-Wasn't-So-Bad-After-All. And when he is reelected in a landslide and Congress has more of his party in power on the coat sleeves of the President's mandate, the gloves come off.

Number Four: The Presidency is Threatened by the Monolithic Military Industrial/Security/Intelligence Complex which has the power to manufacture enemies, propagandize the populace and pressure the political class through jingoism and bribes to do their bidding. The President wants peace, but the power of the War Machine is so immense, there is a real danger to his person if he goes against them to the degree which is in his heart. It has happened before. Therefore, if you want peace, then you have got to Occupy War in the millions. Surround the Pentagon and demand an end to the madness. In the millions. Or don't even bother.

Number Five: The President supports Occupy Wall Street. But he also knows there is a real danger of collapse to the financial system engineered by the Psychopaths of Goldman Sachs et al, and the social chaos would be unimaginable and the President does not want to be responsible for that. The Bankers have all the Gold. And paper money is like paper airplanes – gone with the wind. The answers are not easy and that's why the Occupy Movement is smart not to have demands. You know change is necessary, but you're not going to smash the barricades. You're just going to point out over and over the immoral, irresponsible and ineffective system which is Wall Street and Central Banking. The President is not blind to what is going on. But the Big Bankers are as dangerous as the War Machine. The President must tread with caution – and be led by the people. In the millions. In the street.

So there it is. The President is a hard working family man who is determined to carry out his original campaign promise to Change Washington. And as I say, I want to change Washington to Maui. But that's why I am not the sum of his parts.


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