[C]onservative Iowa Congressman Steve King stepped to the portable lectern in front of the Supreme Court on Tuesday morning and, repeating the words scribbled on a handmade sign being waved around over his head by a man in a cowboy hat, warned the government to “Keep your law off my BODY!!’’And with that, cats and dogs signed a nonaggression pact; a thousand angels had their wings ripped off; a rainbow was seen over every Planned Parenthood clinic in the land; every intercom in every airport started simultaneously playing Rick Astley's most popular hits, though nobody had touched any of the buttons; hamburgers gained sentience; scientists discovered a new element lighter than hydrogen but heavier than a steel-toed boot; all television sets exploded, and in their place families found live goats well-versed in all of Shakespeare's plays, including the ones that nobody has discovered yet. Then Steve King gained self-awareness, was embarrassed, and apologized for his entire life up until now.
Yeah, just kidding on that last part. Steve King would never gain self-awareness. That's just silly.